NO PETS!!!

[Alphapheemail]

I found this letter and reply emails from entensity.net. I decided not to link since some of my friends were complaining of pop ups... here's the contents. Trust me it's worth the read...


...
I some how suspect that this David miiight be a MR member...

First comes the letter that's attached then the responses follows like so...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 21 May 2009 10.16am
To: Helen Bailey
Subject: Pets in the building

Dear Helen,

Thankyou for your letter concerning pets in my apartment. I understand that having dogs in the apartment is a violation of the agreement due to the comfort and wellbeing of my neighbours and I am currently soundproofing my apartment with egg cartons as I realise my dogs can cause quite a bit of noise. Especially during feeding time when I release live rabbits.

Regards, David.

From: Helen Bailey
Date: Thursday 21 May 2009 11.18am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Pets in the building

Hello David

I have received your email and wish to remind you that the strata agreement states that no animals are allowed in the building regardless of if your apartment is soundproof. How many dogs do you have at the premises?

Helen

From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 21 May 2009 1.52pm
To: Helen Bailey
Subject: Re: Re: Pets in the building

Dear Helen,

Currently I only have eight dogs but one is expecting puppies and I am very excited by this. I am hoping for a litter of at least ten as this is the number required to participate in dog sled racing. I have read every Jack London novel in preparation and have constructed my own sled from timber I borrowed from the construction site across the road during the night. I have devised a plan which I feel will ensure me taking first place in the next national dog sled championships. For the first year of the puppies life I intend to say the word mush then chase them violently around the apartment while yelling and hitting saucepan lids together. I have estimated that the soundproofing of my apartment should block out at least sixty percent of the noise and the dogs will learn to associate the word mush with great fear so when I yell it on race day, the panic and released adrenaline will spur them on to being winners. I am so confident of this being a foolproof plan that I intend to sell all my furniture the day before the race and bet the proceeds on coming first place.

Regards, David.

From: Helen Bailey
Date: Friday 22 May 2009 9.43am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building

David, I am unsure what to make of your email. Do you have pets in the apartment or not?

Helen

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 22 May 2009 11.27am
To: Helen Bailey
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building

Dear Helen,

No. I have a goldfish but due to the air conditioner in my apartment being stuck on a constant two degrees celcius, the water in its bowl is iced over and he has not moved for a while so I do not think he is capable of disturbing the neighbours. The ducks in the bathroom are not mine. The noise which my neighbours possibly mistook for a dog in the apartment is just the looping tape I have of dogs barking which I play at high volume while I am at work to deter potential burglars from breaking in and stealing my tupperware. I need it to keep food fresh. Once I ate leftover chinese that had been kept in an unsealed container and I experienced complete awareness. The next night I tried eating it again but only experienced chest pains and diarrhoea.

Regards, David.

From: Helen Bailey
Date: Friday 22 May 2009 1.46pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building

Hello David

You cannot play sounds of dogs or any noise at a volume that disturbs others. I am sure you can appreciate that these rules are for the benefit of all residents of the building. Fish are fine. You cannot have ducks in the apartment though. If it was small birds that would be ok.

Helen

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 22 May 2009 2.18pm
To: Helen Bailey
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building

Dear Helen,

They are very small ducks.

Regards, David.

From: Helen Bailey
Date: Friday 22 May 2009 4.06pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building

David, under section 4 of the strata residency agreement it states that you cannot have pets. You agreed to these rules when you signed the forms. These rules are set out to benefit everyone in the building including yourself. Do you have a telephone number I can call you on to discuss?

Helen

From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 22 May 2009 5.02pm
To: Helen Bailey
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building

Dear Helen,

The ducks will no doubt be flying south for the winter soon so it will not be an issue. It is probably for the best as they are not getting along very well with my seventeen cats anyway. .

Regards, David.

From: Helen Bailey
Date: Monday 25 May 2009 9.22am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building

David, I am just going to write on the forms that we have investigated and you do not have any pets.

Helen

[zelda_pinwheel]

madam broshkina ? is that you ????

[Peverel]

Awesome lol

[krisk]

sounds like some of the people I work with

[ShortNCuddlyAm]

[Verencat]

Too good!

[mklynds]

Too funny!!

[Alphapheemail]

Originally Posted by krisk

sounds like some of the people I work with

You know I think I'd like to meet this David... and the ppl you work with... but then again... i'm an odd creature...

[ruth1304]

David sounds just like my flatmate - I'm trying to work out whether he could have done this as it's the way he talks most of the time.

It's mostly fun to live with, although I'm trying to find the off switch (or at least a pause button) as sometimes I'd just like to know the answer to the question ...

[Alphapheemail]

Originally Posted by ruth1304

David sounds just like my flatmate - I'm trying to work out whether he could have done this as it's the way he talks most of the time.

It's mostly fun to live with, although I'm trying to find the off switch (or at least a pause button) as sometimes I'd just like to know the answer to the question ...

sounds like an interesting fellow!!! hehe... i usually encourage those types of people... so its always a bad combo...!

have you seen the Dave Chapelle show..?

he has this awesome sign that everyone should have in thier lives. He tookk the idea from the award shows, they flash this at the speakers when they are getting annoying...

[ruth1304]

Originally Posted by Alphapheemail

have you seen the Dave Chapelle show..?

he has this awesome sign that everyone should have in thier lives. He tookk the idea from the award shows, they flash this at the speakers when they are getting annoying...

I haven't seen it, but I think I need one of those.

Mostly he makes me laugh but sometimes I really just want to know if there's any bread in the house/if he's still going to be away at the weekend/where he's put the tea bags.

[GeoffC]

great email exchange - it's wonderful how that makes a readable story .....

[krisk]

alpha you are quite welcome to the folks I work with!