How going mainstream saved my life

Antoinekamel · 10-29-2013, 08:39 PM

I am going to be brief. Mainly because this is the point in my story, and also because English is only my second language.

As an adolescent, I was perversive. With myself. I had depression, and I had it from breakfast to dinner, and in my dreams, too.

I blamed modern society. The bad people, the corrupted politicians. The sex thing in everywhere.

I passed without them, as if, without seeing, they would disappear.

I had my own ghosts. I lamented my life, my destiny, my depression. Internet was the vehicle to communicate the world of my attemped suicide. Did it help? No.

I don't know when it started to change. But I've become mainstream, little by little. I got the main route of the road, not the alternative trail. I didn't bother to use only Linux instead of the pervasive Windows. I deliberately don't chat with the people I chatted about things that nurtured my depression. I kindle to see someone I don't want to be, something I'm not anymore. I cared too much for attention, now I don't care to what I can't control. I was atheist and now thank Something for sunny days, for a respectful treatment in a public free service.

I still do believe in destiny. But destiny is not unchangeable.

I was the one to disagree of everything. Now I am the one who enjoys.

Indigo121 · 10-30-2013, 04:39 AM

"Pervasive Windows" indeed. Lol.
The internet can indeed be destructive. I am happy for your transformation!

HarryT · 10-30-2013, 05:33 AM

Moved to the Lounge, since this has nothing to do with reading or mobile devices.

Quexos · 10-30-2013, 05:49 AM

Well society is to blame for a lot of things. I certainly don't plan to blame myself for wars or corruption in governments or slavery in some countries and so on ...

I would say it is your subjective view of society, the world and your condition that has simply shifted as it always does when time passes. We don't see the world in the same manner as we used to when we were 12, 18, 25 or 40

Now if you're feeling better with the latest shifts in your views of the world then good for you my friend but it is rather the other way around for me. Pretty much everything I used to believe in has proven disappointing. Whether it is family or love or human goodness or the real intentions of governments towards their citizens, the hard time one has to find a job to acquire the basic right to be happy, the rich ones being richer, the poor ones being poorer, the wars, the hatred etc...
As a reaction I have become an extreme cynic as I have lost all empathy for mankind in general. I feel that I am like a ghost, watching the horrible news as they break day after day on my TV or computer screen. A shooting here, a murder there, a war over there, hostages killed, diseases, beheadings, school shootings, global warming and the whole shebang. All that stuff is nothing more than the latest TV news show to watch with a bucket of popcorn and a huge glass of soda while comfortably sitting on your sofa.
Maybe it's just a way to wait for the inevitable to happen, one's own death because we know damn well that we are not going to live forever.

But again if you feel happy then good for you, count yourself lucky and enjoy it while it lasts.

10-29-2013, 08:39 PM	#1
Antoinekamel Addict Posts: 278 Karma: 2511467 Join Date: Feb 2012 Device: ABC W p2	How going mainstream saved my life I am going to be brief. Mainly because this is the point in my story, and also because English is only my second language. As an adolescent, I was perversive. With myself. I had depression, and I had it from breakfast to dinner, and in my dreams, too. I blamed modern society. The bad people, the corrupted politicians. The sex thing in everywhere. I passed without them, as if, without seeing, they would disappear. I had my own ghosts. I lamented my life, my destiny, my depression. Internet was the vehicle to communicate the world of my attemped suicide. Did it help? No. I don't know when it started to change. But I've become mainstream, little by little. I got the main route of the road, not the alternative trail. I didn't bother to use only Linux instead of the pervasive Windows. I deliberately don't chat with the people I chatted about things that nurtured my depression. I kindle to see someone I don't want to be, something I'm not anymore. I cared too much for attention, now I don't care to what I can't control. I was atheist and now thank Something for sunny days, for a respectful treatment in a public free service. I still do believe in destiny. But destiny is not unchangeable. I was the one to disagree of everything. Now I am the one who enjoys. Last edited by Antoinekamel; 10-29-2013 at 08:47 PM.

10-30-2013, 05:49 AM	#4
Quexos Member Retired Posts: 1,999 Karma: 11348924 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Limbo Device: none	Well society is to blame for a lot of things. I certainly don't plan to blame myself for wars or corruption in governments or slavery in some countries and so on ... I would say it is your subjective view of society, the world and your condition that has simply shifted as it always does when time passes. We don't see the world in the same manner as we used to when we were 12, 18, 25 or 40 Now if you're feeling better with the latest shifts in your views of the world then good for you my friend but it is rather the other way around for me. Pretty much everything I used to believe in has proven disappointing. Whether it is family or love or human goodness or the real intentions of governments towards their citizens, the hard time one has to find a job to acquire the basic right to be happy, the rich ones being richer, the poor ones being poorer, the wars, the hatred etc... As a reaction I have become an extreme cynic as I have lost all empathy for mankind in general. I feel that I am like a ghost, watching the horrible news as they break day after day on my TV or computer screen. A shooting here, a murder there, a war over there, hostages killed, diseases, beheadings, school shootings, global warming and the whole shebang. All that stuff is nothing more than the latest TV news show to watch with a bucket of popcorn and a huge glass of soda while comfortably sitting on your sofa. Maybe it's just a way to wait for the inevitable to happen, one's own death because we know damn well that we are not going to live forever. But again if you feel happy then good for you, count yourself lucky and enjoy it while it lasts. Last edited by Quexos; 10-30-2013 at 05:53 AM.

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10-30-2013, 04:39 AM	#2
Indigo121 Enthusiast Posts: 41 Karma: 11516 Join Date: Mar 2012 Device: Nook	"Pervasive Windows" indeed. Lol. The internet can indeed be destructive. I am happy for your transformation!

10-30-2013, 05:33 AM	#3
HarryT eBook Enthusiast Posts: 85,544 Karma: 93383043 Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis 2, iPad Pro 10.5", iPhone 6	Moved to the Lounge, since this has nothing to do with reading or mobile devices.

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