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Old 12-08-2009, 07:42 AM   #1
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Messed-up Myths, and Aimless Morals

A departure from Fracture Fairy Tails.

I studied Greek in college. My favorite myth was Silliphuss, who had angered the Fraternity Gods, and was destined to push a peanut up hill with his nose, day after day during pledge drive. As soon as he got it to the top, his little sister, Hystrung, would distract him, and the peanut would roll down the other side. Silliphus was a business major, and Hystrung was majoring in Husbandry (albeit, concentrating on the mechanics first, instead of the logistics).

Hystrung was trying to trap Sillfuss by using her pheminine wiles (along with powerful spells, phenominal aromatic potions, and much camoflage and some structural support garments). Her dream was to lure him into an extended legal union, resulting in a selective number of offspring, new or nearly-new cross-over vehicles each year, trips to Atlantic City, and positions of power in the PTA and Neighborhood Homeowners Association.

But Hystrung was cursed by the goddess Revlon so that she could not pass a reflective surface without her reflection captivating her -- causing hours of primping, missed Chemistry exams, and lots of angst from the non-sorority females.

It had never occured to Hystrung that Silliphus would graduate before her, and cast her and her Spring Break Moments aside with his used Econ 101 textbooks.

His dream was at least a B average, introduction to a lower-level management position, and hopefully, a relationship with a senior partner's (relatively) attractive daughter.

But the Gods laughed. And Laughed.

Hystrung almost flunked out and daddy said he wouldn't pay for another year, so she got serious, studied Commercial Fashion Design, and wound up marrying a rather plain, but very nice, man from a local community college. She never went to NYC to design, but she did make it to Myrtle Beach once, and she was pretty much aghast at what those young women were wearing! Didn't they have any sense of decency? Self-Respect? MOTHERS!? As time went on, she developed a taste for sweat pants and loose shirts. She still practiced her magic, to her spouse's delight, but not to the point of the two-some. At least while the kids lived at home.

Silliphus DID go on to find the perfect position, and rose meteorically from lower-management into the lower-middle-management stratosphere. He dated the owner's not-spectacularly hot, but unfortunately spoiled daughter.

The Gods smiled on him and she dumped him for a current model Morris Mini -- with daddy picking up the payments. He then went on to notice male pattern baldness, decided that he'd better develop a personality before all of his hair was gone. Hew met a local waitress who was studying real estate nights, and the two fell deeply in love. Silliphus discovered that afternoons at little league practice was pretty good, and the winners got ice cream afterwards, but the other team also got ice cream, and the parents paid for it all, and it was really a small cost to see his son smile. He had a natural propensity for calming little girl's nightmares, kissing skinned knees, and the magical ability to set his face into a 1000-yard-smile during dance recitals.

And what about our narrator, the real hero of this tale. He waited and watched, batting clean-up at least twice at frat parties -- although only one will he talk about to this day. He became "la tranquilidad", "el oyente". Helping out, cleaning up after the parties, walking the "left-overs" girls back to their dorms -- which he never talked about, but it was rumored that he was very well paid. As those girls grew from petty, self-centered, vapid, low-class, Vanna wanna-be's into girls that had to pass mid-terms, and then finals... and then graduate. They dropped their Conquor-The-World (or at least Marry Well While in College) Dreams. They would go on it Get entry -level jobs in local technical firms, study nights for a comp-sci degree, move into scripting and web page design, fall in love, settle down, have kids and be much happier than if they were married to some very-kinky, up-tight, publicly-green- but secretly black-consciousness, worried, balding, insecure business major.

And the Gods smiled.
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Old 12-08-2009, 07:49 AM   #2
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Old 12-08-2009, 08:17 AM   #3
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He became "la tranquilidad", "el oyente"
I agree that the narrator is the hero of the story. It is difficult to find a good listener, and one who cleans too is a bonus.

Was the narrator privy to all the secrets?
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Old 12-08-2009, 08:17 AM   #4
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I like a story that ends well
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Old 12-08-2009, 10:49 AM   #5
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I agree that the narrator is the hero of the story. It is difficult to find a good listener, and one who cleans too is a bonus.

Was the narrator privy to all the secrets?
"For which he was very well paid..."

"Clean-up" was a two-fold blessing... one, it got some of the frat boys off the hook (although he followed Fats Waller's admonition, "Don't give ya right name. No, no, no..."

Plus, the fact that he would actually stay around after the parties in the non-drunk state and help tidy, he became quite the confidente (Pronunciacion Francais). He got invited to more parties, and often was the one that maidens (in the nom sense only) would turn to for consolation.

Secrets? Yes, many, many secrets. And, being "The Listener", instead of "The Talker (Uuma, not withstanding), he conducted quite a quiet study of human nature. He eventually became quite adept at inserting words, then phrases, and then small thoughts. He could have gotten a minor in Counselization, but seeing as that not really a COLLEGE course of study, he just got the online degree.

Of course, his noble (no BUlL!) course was not without jeopardy... I could tell you about the time(s) he pledged the sorority for Spring Break only to find out that they never intended to let him leave the room. You know, bed sores come in a variety of patterns...

At least they brought me the neat, colorful drinks with the snappy paper brollies. He developed a taste for martinis shortly after that.
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Old 12-08-2009, 01:10 PM   #6
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I don’t get it. Isn’t Hystrung Sillifus’s sister? They can’t get married in New York. Where did his son come from? Is this part of a series? Who’s the narrator? Why did they want to Marry Well While in College? This is a series isn’t it? What was Silliphus’s wife’s name? Why did he attend afternoon baseball games? Was he unemployed? How does he support himself? What is the next volume called?

Good story. Where did you get the idea for it? Is it true?
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Old 12-08-2009, 01:11 PM   #7
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I don’t get it. Isn’t Hystrung Sillifus’s sister? They can’t get married in New York. Where did his son come from? Is this part of a series? Who’s the narrator? Why did they want to Marry Well While in College? This is a series isn’t it? What was Silliphus’s wife’s name? Why did he attend afternoon baseball games? Was he unemployed? How does he support himself? What is the next volume called?

Good story. Where did you get the idea for it? Is it true?
Do you ever stop asking questions?
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Old 12-08-2009, 01:13 PM   #8
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Do you ever stop asking questions?
Why ?
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Old 12-08-2009, 01:16 PM   #9
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Why ?


To smell the roses? To enjoy a good story? To bask in the mystery of life?
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Old 12-08-2009, 01:31 PM   #10
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To smell the roses? To enjoy a good story? To bask in the mystery of life?
But it's winter and there are no roses are there? How can you enjoy a good story if you don't know who is in it? And is life really worth so many questions?
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Old 12-08-2009, 01:35 PM   #11
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ROFL! I love it! More, please.

Greek tragedies are prime fodder for parodies. I've pondered a few myself: https://www.mobileread.com/forums/sho...3&postcount=18

I even came up with an initial draft for the cover art for it. I would do more but then I'm just a dog, ya know.

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Old 12-08-2009, 02:02 PM   #12
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you haven't spent much time around puppies have you?
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Old 12-08-2009, 02:21 PM   #13
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I don’t get it. Isn’t Hystrung Sillifus’s sister? They can’t get married in New York. Where did his son come from? Is this part of a series? Who’s the narrator? Why did they want to Marry Well While in College? This is a series isn’t it? What was Silliphus’s wife’s name? Why did he attend afternoon baseball games? Was he unemployed? How does he support himself? What is the next volume called?

Good story. Where did you get the idea for it? Is it true?
Well, Sillifuss definitely wasn't interested in getting married in college, he just wanted to date talented sorority sisters until he could find "A Woman Good Enough To Marry." Sadly, Hystrung had not read the story, nor the study guide, not the crib sheets, not even the syllabus. She was going to fail miserably at "Finding A Husband In College". Sillifuss HAD studied Supply And Demand, and knew that Business Majors Who Would Make A Good Husband were in short supply. The (then) current market dynamics led to a surplus in "Attractive but Slightly Spoiled College Girls Who Were Willing to Experiment with Any Given Topic in Cosmo Magazine", and due to the exchange rates, more exotic ... currencies ... could demand a (slightly) prices. But, there is a Time-Value of Money (and services that might have once been exchanged for money), and while there was a lot of portions of the Practical Human Sexuality labs that were leaked to the non-Soch majors, there was also a HUGE supply of those who were willing lab partners.

Sillifuss would use his time wisely, studying Laffer Curves, and practicing Animal Husbandry (as the Frat boys so affectionately called it), but also spend time studying his Keynes. While Keynesian economics theorizes that there are some private sector activities that are not conducted efficiently, Sillifus knew that when it came to picking a wife, College Girls were definitely in the Pub(l)ic Sector, and he knew he'd rather retreat into private practice after college.

All of the Little Sisters learned a hard, hard lesson, namely that over-supply has seriously detrimental effects on market demand. The female Engineering majors, having Studying take the majority of THEIR time, were on the other side of the curve... when a commodity is SO scarce, there can exist NO demand for it. At least, that's how it was when I was a wee sprite. Or maybe I was Ting, I forget.

Anyway, back to Hystrung. True to her name, she developed several endearing personality traits (er, ticks, phobias, extreme political views, and other aberrations). These endearing personality traits, plus the necessity to work a job part time while affording an apartment (shared) and put food on the table, study for exams, etc., served to remove her from the pool of pulchritude. That and she wasn't quite sure, but she might have gotten an STD from that rebound relationship after Sillifuss graduated.

She took up the monk's robes and secreted her self away from society while she threw herself into her studies to quiet the pain (and room mates' stereo). It turns out that the secretions were only a bout with thrush, and time healed her wounds. And, luckily, the monk's robes were cleaner than she though, and she put that into the dryer, graduated a whole semester early, and was filled with a sense of accomplishment.

Her new-found self-confidence was in Short Supply, in-deed, and the young man from the community college had put himself through, while taking care of his siblings, working nights and weekends, and HE had a great sense of accomplishment, and even one of duty, thankfullness, charity, appreciation, reference, and essentially worked his way through the Boy Scouts' pledge, and a few other homilies as well.

Game, Set, and Match. They both were Very Happy with each other, and raise several exceeding normal children, who were instilled with both their mother's eye for fashion, and their father's work ethic. One of whom even went on to start a School of Hair Fashion, in Jersey, not too far from the fabled New York City. But that is another story, for another time, that I swear, will never, ever come about.

Whew.

Everybody happy?






I need a drink!
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Old 12-08-2009, 02:22 PM   #14
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And, yes, everything is the Absolut Truth, especially the part where



"I WIN!!!"
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Old 12-10-2009, 12:47 AM   #15
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And, yes, everything is the Absolut Truth, especially the part where "I WIN!!!"
And why not? Aren't we living in an age when truth is in the eye of the beholder?
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