User Poetry - Page 71

rajensh2010 · 05-03-2011, 12:50 PM

Two lives, two hearts joined together in friendship united forever in love.
My mind is stuck in a dream,
where I’m as happy as can be.
somewhere you are always with,
me having fun and living free
I go to this plaice when ever I’m sad,
because I know you are there for that,
I am glad.
I can’t wait for you to be here because,
I love you and so my dream can finally,
come true
https://www.mobileread.com/forums/showthread.phpAll I want and need to complete my life,
is for you to become my wife. Then we,
will be together and our love will last forever
Love Poems

GeoffC · 05-03-2011, 02:04 PM

Welcome to Mobileread rajensh2010

Could you edit your post, you have a URL link and it'll read better if 'plaice' was replaced by 'place' ....

wonderful sentiments ! :2thumbusp

TrineDaely · 05-03-2011, 02:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rajensh2010

Two lives, two hearts joined together in friendship united forever in love.
My mind is stuck in a dream,
where I’m as happy as can be.
somewhere you are always with,
me having fun and living free
I go to this plaice when ever I’m sad,
because I know you are there for that,
I am glad.
I can’t wait for you to be here because,
I love you and so my dream can finally,
come true
https://www.mobileread.com/forums/showthread.phpAll I want and need to complete my life,
is for you to become my wife. Then we,
will be together and our love will last forever
Love Poems

Was that you here as well?

GeoffC · 05-10-2011, 12:28 PM

It concerns you, not! ….

walk on
it concerns you; not!

step right on by
nothing of interest here;
pass through without regard
nothing for you to see;
mind your own business
it has nothing to do with you.

avert your eyes now
and quicken that step;
keep those eyes facing forward.

ignore those scents
listen not to the sounds.

be not tempted.

swing those arms
lengthen your stride,
take yourself away
it concerns you; not!

Vandy · 05-11-2011, 07:24 AM

@rajensh2010 untitled

Please let me extend my welcome to you here in User Poetry.

First of all, the message behind your piece is beautiful. Your word imagery is exquisite and, as Geoff has already commented, your sentiments are wonderful!

The last line of your piece reads "Love Poems". Is this the title of the piece or is it actually the last line?

The way you have the piece laid out was a bit rough for me to keep any type of "flow" going. When writing free verse, structure -- that is, keeping a rigid set of lines or words per line, etc. -- isn't important. I hope you don't mind that I've done a quick rewrite to show you what I mean.

Love Poems

Two lives, two hearts -- joined together in friendship; united forever in love.
My mind is stuck in a dream where I'm as happy as can be.
Somewhere, you are always with me having fun and living free.

I go to this place whenever I'm sad because I know you are there and for that, I am glad.

I can't wait for you to be here because I love you and so my dream can finally come true.

All I want and need to complete my life is for you to become my wife.
Then we will be together and our love will last forever.

I look forward to reading more of your work. Thank you for sharing.

@GeoffC It concerns you, not! ...

This is the type of open verse that is just vague enough to really appeal to me.

From a pure message pont of view, you couldn't be any clearer in your instructions to your reader -- "step right on by nothing of interest here;".

Your word imagery is consise, to the point and still compelling. To me, the piece breathes authority and a vivid sense of purpose.

Thank you, Geoff, for a wonderful and entertaining read!

Regards,

Vandy · 05-11-2011, 08:18 AM

Hello, All.

I've been reading back through this thread and was somewhat surprised to find out I've only posted four pieces of my work. I thought I had posted many more. Oh well -- old age and all that...

Here are two more pieces for your reading pleasure:

Godspeed, Queen Admiral Hestorb
by Vandy
© May 9, 2008
Write Naturally Publishing House
...a division of VAN Enterprises

Godspeed, Queen Admiral Hestorb,
In your fine and large ship.
May you find success and more
On your exploratory trip.

Sail West, good Queen and then
Sail beyond the known lands and sea.
Sail West to Mystical Tenne,
Sail into history.

Find a new Heartland for the people,
Urge your crew to be their best.
For no one is your equal
No one can match your quest.

May we all glory in your success,
may we all be saddened by untimely death.
As one we rise to address
the one, the only, for whom we draw breath.

Sail on, Good Queen Admiral
Find a new land for us to settle.
From your strength, we become able
For, in you, we find our own mettle.

Finally, here's an English Sonnet for you:

Ending
An English sonnet by Vandy
© May 5, 2009
The Write Stuff Publishing House
…a division of VAN Enterprises

In the far distance, a bell is tolling.
I find my self listening to its sound.
Joyously ringing, its peals extolling.
Then why do I feel as if I am bound?
Bound by forboding of what it contains,
I can do nothing but shudder with fear.
Then sounds a footfall and rattling of chains,
A presence has come and stands ever near.
Suddenly, at my door, comes death knocking.
I shan't give in to my urge to respond.
Death smiles as I leap to my door locking,
And passes through it to the room beyond.
Resigned, I sigh, and turn to meet my fate,
Gratefuly accepting the cloak’s dark weight.

Enjoy!

Regards,

caleb72 · 05-11-2011, 09:32 AM

Cool Vandy, I liked both of those.

GeoffC · 05-11-2011, 11:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vandy

@GeoffC It concerns you, not! ...

This is the type of open verse that is just vague enough to really appeal to me.

From a pure message pont of view, you couldn't be any clearer in your instructions to your reader -- "step right on by nothing of interest here;".

Your word imagery is consise, to the point and still compelling. To me, the piece breathes authority and a vivid sense of purpose.

Thank you, Geoff, for a wonderful and entertaining read!

Regards,

Thank you ....

GeoffC · 05-11-2011, 11:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vandy

Hello, All.

I've been reading back through this thread and was somewhat surprised to find out I've only posted four pieces of my work. I thought I had posted many more. Oh well -- old age and all that...

Here are two more pieces for your reading pleasure:

Thanks for posting these two little gems ....

WT Sharpe · 05-11-2011, 11:13 AM

Very nice, Vandy. They well evoked another time and place. The only weak spot for me, however, was the repetition of the word "bound" and the end of one line and the beginning of the next in Ending, but that may just be a personal preference.

GeoffC · 05-15-2011, 07:00 AM

A rose

A rose, when comes she into bloom
demands, from others, the room
to blossom forth with heaven’s scent,
and cares she not for dull dissent.

A rose, when scent of her is spice,
doth remove, from others, icy
thoughts, in her controlling bid to be
the one in bed, who’s living free.

A rose, when petals fall,
remains the belle at the ball;
no sense of doom she feels
as Summer Time wheels
along; she knows a second flush
comes forth in Season’s rush,
as maiden once, again, may blush.

A rose, when all is said and done,
doth charm and stun,
a beauty in her form and scent
a prize to us; from heaven sent.

Vandy · 05-16-2011, 08:35 AM

@Geoff A Rose

Very nice, Geoff. A beautiful description of one of nature's most beautiful flowers. I'm quite interested in the style of the poem. Is the structure one of the "known" poetry styles or, is the structure your own?

Excellent word imagery and great word choices. I really enjoyed this poem.

Rgeards,

GeoffC · 05-16-2011, 08:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vandy

@Geoff A Rose

Very nice, Geoff. A beautiful description of one of nature's most beautiful flowers. I'm quite interested in the style of the poem. Is the structure one of the "known" poetry styles or, is the structure your own?

Excellent word imagery and great word choices. I really enjoyed this poem.

Rgeards,

Thanks Vandy for your comments ...

The structure is just the way my sub-conscious deemed appropriate as I wrote the poem out ....

" it just worked "

Vandy · 05-16-2011, 08:58 AM

Hello, All.

I'd like to share with you another of my (I've been told) dark pieces. Read and be the judge as to whether or not it fits that pigeonhole...

The Last Communiqué
by Vandy
© August 1, 2000
revised May 16, 2011
The Write Stuff Publishing House
...a division of VAN Enterprises

Peace and Quiet.
Two terms that go together like a hand in a glove.
Now that I have both, what I wouldn't do to have a little chaos and noise!

Peace... an absence of mental conflict.
If only I could be at peace...
I wish I had peace about that...
My peace I leave you...
Funny -- once I finally found peace, I wasn't sure what to do with it!

Quiet... simply put, the absence of noise.
I hope he stays quiet about that...
Quiet! You're too loud...
Quiet -- Hospital Zone...
I strain my ears listening for the slightest sound but all I hear is the deafening quiet that surrounds me.

Silent and Still.
Wonderful qualities to be found in a sniper or hunter.
Not so wonderful when all I yearn for is a soft whisper or a twitch of a muscle.

Silent... being devoid of sound; totally inaudible.
Be silent! You talk too much...
Rig for silent running...
Silence is golden...
It amazed me to discover how loud total silence becomes when all I hear is nothing.

Still... completely devoid of motion; not moving.
Stop fighting and be still...
Still as a post...
In the still of the night...
My mind is willing my body to move but it doesn't respond -- no twitch, no movement -- nothing.

Darkness and Eternity.
Two words that could have serious connotations when used together.
Sensing that I've embraced both, where will they lead me?

Darkness... the complete absence of light.
The darkness of sin...
The dark of night...
It's always darkest before the dawn...
Black becomes an all-absorbing darkness where even the faintest glimmer of light has no hope of being seen.

Eternity... a never ending ending.
Ride off into eternity...
That you have eternal life...
Eternity, Eternity, I am yours...
I can sense the lid being closed so; it's time for me to slip off into eternity...

...Hey! What's that light up ahead?

Enjoy.

Regards,

Wetdogeared · 05-16-2011, 10:15 AM

@Vandy The Last Communiqué

I have often-more than often-wished for silence and stillness, Vandy. Your poem would make some think twice of the consequences if those wishes came true, yet I still yearn for them.

Even though my beliefs, or lack of, would not allow this poem to be written, they do not deny me from enjoying it.

Excellent imagery and definitely dark Vandy, although the last sentence may be suggesting a new dawn(ing). I also like that the last sentence is a question.

Thank you for sharing.

05-11-2011, 07:24 AM	#1055
Vandy ...always be humble. Posts: 116 Karma: 505917 Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Fort Myers, FL USA Device: iPhone 5s, iPod Touch 3rd Gen, Kindle 3 WiFi, Kindle Fire	Feedback... @rajensh2010 untitled Please let me extend my welcome to you here in User Poetry. First of all, the message behind your piece is beautiful. Your word imagery is exquisite and, as Geoff has already commented, your sentiments are wonderful! The last line of your piece reads "Love Poems". Is this the title of the piece or is it actually the last line? The way you have the piece laid out was a bit rough for me to keep any type of "flow" going. When writing free verse, structure -- that is, keeping a rigid set of lines or words per line, etc. -- isn't important. I hope you don't mind that I've done a quick rewrite to show you what I mean. Love Poems Two lives, two hearts -- joined together in friendship; united forever in love. My mind is stuck in a dream where I'm as happy as can be. Somewhere, you are always with me having fun and living free. I go to this place whenever I'm sad because I know you are there and for that, I am glad. I can't wait for you to be here because I love you and so my dream can finally come true. All I want and need to complete my life is for you to become my wife. Then we will be together and our love will last forever. I look forward to reading more of your work. Thank you for sharing. @GeoffC It concerns you, not! ... This is the type of open verse that is just vague enough to really appeal to me. From a pure message pont of view, you couldn't be any clearer in your instructions to your reader -- "step right on by nothing of interest here;". Your word imagery is consise, to the point and still compelling. To me, the piece breathes authority and a vivid sense of purpose. Thank you, Geoff, for a wonderful and entertaining read! Regards,

05-11-2011, 08:18 AM	#1056
Vandy ...always be humble. Posts: 116 Karma: 505917 Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Fort Myers, FL USA Device: iPhone 5s, iPod Touch 3rd Gen, Kindle 3 WiFi, Kindle Fire	VANDY posts some more... Hello, All. I've been reading back through this thread and was somewhat surprised to find out I've only posted four pieces of my work. I thought I had posted many more. Oh well -- old age and all that... Here are two more pieces for your reading pleasure: Godspeed, Queen Admiral Hestorb by Vandy © May 9, 2008 Write Naturally Publishing House ...a division of VAN Enterprises Godspeed, Queen Admiral Hestorb, In your fine and large ship. May you find success and more On your exploratory trip. Sail West, good Queen and then Sail beyond the known lands and sea. Sail West to Mystical Tenne, Sail into history. Find a new Heartland for the people, Urge your crew to be their best. For no one is your equal No one can match your quest. May we all glory in your success, may we all be saddened by untimely death. As one we rise to address the one, the only, for whom we draw breath. Sail on, Good Queen Admiral Find a new land for us to settle. From your strength, we become able For, in you, we find our own mettle. Finally, here's an English Sonnet for you: Ending An English sonnet by Vandy © May 5, 2009 The Write Stuff Publishing House …a division of VAN Enterprises In the far distance, a bell is tolling. I find my self listening to its sound. Joyously ringing, its peals extolling. Then why do I feel as if I am bound? Bound by forboding of what it contains, I can do nothing but shudder with fear. Then sounds a footfall and rattling of chains, A presence has come and stands ever near. Suddenly, at my door, comes death knocking. I shan't give in to my urge to respond. Death smiles as I leap to my door locking, And passes through it to the room beyond. Resigned, I sigh, and turn to meet my fate, Gratefuly accepting the cloak’s dark weight. Enjoy! Regards, Last edited by Vandy; 05-11-2011 at 10:10 AM.

05-16-2011, 08:35 AM	#1062
Vandy ...always be humble. Posts: 116 Karma: 505917 Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Fort Myers, FL USA Device: iPhone 5s, iPod Touch 3rd Gen, Kindle 3 WiFi, Kindle Fire	Feedback... @Geoff A Rose Very nice, Geoff. A beautiful description of one of nature's most beautiful flowers. I'm quite interested in the style of the poem. Is the structure one of the "known" poetry styles or, is the structure your own? Excellent word imagery and great word choices. I really enjoyed this poem. Rgeards,

05-16-2011, 08:58 AM	#1064
Vandy ...always be humble. Posts: 116 Karma: 505917 Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Fort Myers, FL USA Device: iPhone 5s, iPod Touch 3rd Gen, Kindle 3 WiFi, Kindle Fire	New Posting... Hello, All. I'd like to share with you another of my (I've been told) dark pieces. Read and be the judge as to whether or not it fits that pigeonhole... The Last Communiqué by Vandy © August 1, 2000 revised May 16, 2011 The Write Stuff Publishing House ...a division of VAN Enterprises Peace and Quiet. Two terms that go together like a hand in a glove. Now that I have both, what I wouldn't do to have a little chaos and noise! Peace... an absence of mental conflict. If only I could be at peace... I wish I had peace about that... My peace I leave you... Funny -- once I finally found peace, I wasn't sure what to do with it! Quiet... simply put, the absence of noise. I hope he stays quiet about that... Quiet! You're too loud... Quiet -- Hospital Zone... I strain my ears listening for the slightest sound but all I hear is the deafening quiet that surrounds me. Silent and Still. Wonderful qualities to be found in a sniper or hunter. Not so wonderful when all I yearn for is a soft whisper or a twitch of a muscle. Silent... being devoid of sound; totally inaudible. Be silent! You talk too much... Rig for silent running... Silence is golden... It amazed me to discover how loud total silence becomes when all I hear is nothing. Still... completely devoid of motion; not moving. Stop fighting and be still... Still as a post... In the still of the night... My mind is willing my body to move but it doesn't respond -- no twitch, no movement -- nothing. Darkness and Eternity. Two words that could have serious connotations when used together. Sensing that I've embraced both, where will they lead me? Darkness... the complete absence of light. The darkness of sin... The dark of night... It's always darkest before the dawn... Black becomes an all-absorbing darkness where even the faintest glimmer of light has no hope of being seen. Eternity... a never ending ending. Ride off into eternity... That you have eternal life... Eternity, Eternity, I am yours... I can sense the lid being closed so; it's time for me to slip off into eternity... ...Hey! What's that light up ahead? Enjoy. Regards,

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05-03-2011, 12:50 PM	#1051
rajensh2010 Junior Member Posts: 1 Karma: 10 Join Date: May 2011 Device: none	Two lives, two hearts joined together in friendship united forever in love. My mind is stuck in a dream, where I’m as happy as can be. somewhere you are always with, me having fun and living free I go to this plaice when ever I’m sad, because I know you are there for that, I am glad. I can’t wait for you to be here because, I love you and so my dream can finally, come true https://www.mobileread.com/forums/showthread.phpAll I want and need to complete my life, is for you to become my wife. Then we, will be together and our love will last forever Love Poems

05-03-2011, 02:04 PM	#1052
GeoffC Chocolate Grasshopper ... Posts: 27,600 Karma: 20821184 Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Scotland Device: Muse HD , Cybook Gen3 , Pocketbook 302 (Black) , Nexus 10: wife has PW	Welcome to Mobileread rajensh2010 Could you edit your post, you have a URL link and it'll read better if 'plaice' was replaced by 'place' .... wonderful sentiments ! :2thumbusp

05-10-2011, 12:28 PM	#1054
GeoffC Chocolate Grasshopper ... Posts: 27,600 Karma: 20821184 Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Scotland Device: Muse HD , Cybook Gen3 , Pocketbook 302 (Black) , Nexus 10: wife has PW	It concerns you, not! …. walk on it concerns you; not! step right on by nothing of interest here; pass through without regard nothing for you to see; mind your own business it has nothing to do with you. avert your eyes now and quicken that step; keep those eyes facing forward. ignore those scents listen not to the sounds. be not tempted. swing those arms lengthen your stride, take yourself away it concerns you; not!

05-11-2011, 09:32 AM	#1057
caleb72 Indie Advocate Posts: 2,863 Karma: 18794463 Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Melbourne, Australia Device: Kindle	Cool Vandy, I liked both of those.

05-11-2011, 11:13 AM	#1060
WT Sharpe Bah, humbug! Posts: 39,073 Karma: 157049943 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Chesapeake, VA, USA Device: Kindle Oasis, iPad Pro, & a Samsung Galaxy S9.	Very nice, Vandy. They well evoked another time and place. The only weak spot for me, however, was the repetition of the word "bound" and the end of one line and the beginning of the next in Ending, but that may just be a personal preference.

05-15-2011, 07:00 AM	#1061
GeoffC Chocolate Grasshopper ... Posts: 27,600 Karma: 20821184 Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Scotland Device: Muse HD , Cybook Gen3 , Pocketbook 302 (Black) , Nexus 10: wife has PW	A rose A rose, when comes she into bloom demands, from others, the room to blossom forth with heaven’s scent, and cares she not for dull dissent. A rose, when scent of her is spice, doth remove, from others, icy thoughts, in her controlling bid to be the one in bed, who’s living free. A rose, when petals fall, remains the belle at the ball; no sense of doom she feels as Summer Time wheels along; she knows a second flush comes forth in Season’s rush, as maiden once, again, may blush. A rose, when all is said and done, doth charm and stun, a beauty in her form and scent a prize to us; from heaven sent.

05-16-2011, 10:15 AM	#1065
Wetdogeared Storm Surge'n Posts: 5,776 Karma: 8213195 Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Lobster Capital Device: S0ny PRS-300/350/505/700/T1	@Vandy The Last Communiqué I have often-more than often-wished for silence and stillness, Vandy. Your poem would make some think twice of the consequences if those wishes came true, yet I still yearn for them. Even though my beliefs, or lack of, would not allow this poem to be written, they do not deny me from enjoying it. Excellent imagery and definitely dark Vandy, although the last sentence may be suggesting a new dawn(ing). I also like that the last sentence is a question. Thank you for sharing.

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