Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 370

Bilbo1967 · 10-29-2012, 02:37 PM

With Hurricane Sandy on the way, I e-mailed my brother in New York to see if he was OK.

He replied:

"It's really bad now; the kids seem really worried. They've been just standing there staring through the window for hours. If it gets much worse, we'll have to let them in."

WT Sharpe · 10-29-2012, 03:02 PM

Ha! Stolen and adapted for Facebook, replacing "the kids" with "my grandson"!

Fbone · 10-29-2012, 07:04 PM

Why does a man twist his wedding ring on his finger?

He's trying to figure out the combination!

Shayne Parkinson · 10-29-2012, 09:31 PM

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

Iznogood · 10-29-2012, 09:39 PM

I just figured it was time for some Victor Borge humour in this thread

benham · 10-29-2012, 11:01 PM

Oh that is funny! I haven't heard him in years.

WT Sharpe · 10-29-2012, 11:37 PM

Yes. I knew what was coming and still laughed.

Chi Cygni · 10-30-2012, 04:47 AM

World War II.

A young Polish priest falls into a trap set by Germans. A young German soldier aims right at him, about to shoot. Suddenly a ray of light beams from the clouds and a loud voice says:

"Spare him, he will become the next Pope"

Young German soldier, terrified, falls to his knees and asks in a trembing voice:

"And what will happen to me?"

"You? You will be the next one after him"

dakini · 10-30-2012, 04:24 PM

silly joke from my biscuit wrapper, but it made me smile:

What is a penguin's favourite pudding?

jelly fish.

Nexutix · 10-31-2012, 09:56 AM

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year old grandson. It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle, and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles. Meanwhile, granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice,"Easy, William, we won't be long. Easy, boy." Another outburst and she hears the grandfather calmly say, "It's okay William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy." At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart and granddad says again in a very controlled voice, "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five short minutes; stay cool, William." Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She said to the elderly gentleman, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it.
That whole time, you kept your composure and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa." "Thanks," said the grandfather, "but I'm William. The little brat's name is Kevin."

WT Sharpe · 10-31-2012, 02:16 PM

Not really a joke, but I wanted to share with you all what I said to my wife a few minutes ago.

She came into the house quietly and sneaked up behind me as I was at the kitchen sink and grabbed the old buns and started fondling them.

Without turning around, I said, "Cut it out. My wife will be home for lunch any minute."

yvanleterrible · 10-31-2012, 05:56 PM

Word from a disgruntled old guru: "Whatever the color of your eyes the third eye is always brown."

Iznogood · 10-31-2012, 11:18 PM

I watched this video and was about an inch from dying of laughter. It's hillarious

If I had had a bad constitution, I too might have sung my "die aria"* by now

*Watch the video and you will understand the die aria part

74Cuda · 11-01-2012, 10:08 AM

The wife left a note on the fridge "It's not working, I can't take it anymore!! Gone to stay with my Mother"

I opened the fridge, the light came on and the beer was cold.........What the hell is she talking about?

orlok · 11-02-2012, 05:39 AM

I walked into the boss's office and handed him a pear. He asked, "What's this for?"

"A pay rise. My wife told me to grow it first and then ask you."

10-31-2012, 09:56 AM	#5545
Nexutix Reading and reading Posts: 582 Karma: 8250144 Join Date: Oct 2010 Device: Infibeam Pi, iPod Touch 4G, iPad Air 2, iPad mini 2, Oneplus One	A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year old grandson. It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle, and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles. Meanwhile, granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice,"Easy, William, we won't be long. Easy, boy." Another outburst and she hears the grandfather calmly say, "It's okay William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy." At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart and granddad says again in a very controlled voice, "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five short minutes; stay cool, William." Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She said to the elderly gentleman, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa." "Thanks," said the grandfather, "but I'm William. The little brat's name is Kevin." Last edited by Nexutix; 10-31-2012 at 10:00 AM.

10-31-2012, 05:56 PM	#5547
yvanleterrible Reborn Paper User Posts: 8,616 Karma: 15446734 Join Date: May 2006 Location: Que Nada Device: iPhone8, iPad Air	Word from a disgruntled old guru: "Whatever the color of your eyes the third eye is always brown." Last edited by yvanleterrible; 10-31-2012 at 07:47 PM.

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Add from the Mobile Read Library?	danwdoo	Calibre	8	12-03-2014 06:03 PM
Good Day Eh!! :-)	Gedvondur	Introduce Yourself	12	07-22-2010 12:16 AM
Classic Is there a way to lighten the background?	rlsamson	Barnes & Noble NOOK	3	06-30-2010 04:56 PM
Read-in-Microsoft-Reader 1.1.3 add-in released	Alexander Turcic	Reading and Management	2	02-20-2006 03:47 AM

10-29-2012, 02:37 PM	#5536
Bilbo1967 Not scared! Posts: 13,424 Karma: 81011643 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Midlands, UK Device: Kindle Paperwhite 10, Huawei M5 10	With Hurricane Sandy on the way, I e-mailed my brother in New York to see if he was OK. He replied: "It's really bad now; the kids seem really worried. They've been just standing there staring through the window for hours. If it gets much worse, we'll have to let them in."

10-29-2012, 03:02 PM	#5537
WT Sharpe Bah, humbug! Posts: 39,073 Karma: 157049943 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Chesapeake, VA, USA Device: Kindle Oasis, iPad Pro, & a Samsung Galaxy S9.	Ha! Stolen and adapted for Facebook, replacing "the kids" with "my grandson"!

10-29-2012, 07:04 PM	#5538
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Why does a man twist his wedding ring on his finger? He's trying to figure out the combination!

10-29-2012, 09:31 PM	#5539
Shayne Parkinson Author Posts: 1,532 Karma: 5447804 Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: New Zealand Device: Samsung Galaxy Tab	If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

10-29-2012, 09:39 PM	#5540
Iznogood Guru Posts: 932 Karma: 15752887 Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Norway Device: Ipad, kindle paperwhite	I just figured it was time for some Victor Borge humour in this thread

10-29-2012, 11:01 PM	#5541
benham Guru Posts: 882 Karma: 5565888 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Townsend, WI Device: Palm TX, PRS-505 (BLUE)	Oh that is funny! I haven't heard him in years.

10-29-2012, 11:37 PM	#5542
WT Sharpe Bah, humbug! Posts: 39,073 Karma: 157049943 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Chesapeake, VA, USA Device: Kindle Oasis, iPad Pro, & a Samsung Galaxy S9.	Yes. I knew what was coming and still laughed.

10-30-2012, 04:47 AM	#5543
Chi Cygni 秋子 permanently lurking Posts: 839 Karma: 6587575 Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Europe Device: Oasis 3, Pocketbook Era	World War II. A young Polish priest falls into a trap set by Germans. A young German soldier aims right at him, about to shoot. Suddenly a ray of light beams from the clouds and a loud voice says: "Spare him, he will become the next Pope" Young German soldier, terrified, falls to his knees and asks in a trembing voice: "And what will happen to me?" "You? You will be the next one after him"

10-30-2012, 04:24 PM	#5544
dakini not "it" Posts: 236 Karma: 1687996 Join Date: Aug 2012 Device: Kindle 7th gen	silly joke from my biscuit wrapper, but it made me smile: What is a penguin's favourite pudding? jelly fish.

10-31-2012, 02:16 PM	#5546
WT Sharpe Bah, humbug! Posts: 39,073 Karma: 157049943 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Chesapeake, VA, USA Device: Kindle Oasis, iPad Pro, & a Samsung Galaxy S9.	Not really a joke, but I wanted to share with you all what I said to my wife a few minutes ago. She came into the house quietly and sneaked up behind me as I was at the kitchen sink and grabbed the old buns and started fondling them. Without turning around, I said, "Cut it out. My wife will be home for lunch any minute."

10-31-2012, 11:18 PM	#5548
Iznogood Guru Posts: 932 Karma: 15752887 Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Norway Device: Ipad, kindle paperwhite	I watched this video and was about an inch from dying of laughter. It's hillarious If I had had a bad constitution, I too might have sung my "die aria"* by now *Watch the video and you will understand the die aria part

11-01-2012, 10:08 AM	#5549
74Cuda MaxPuppy Rules Posts: 31,418 Karma: 31670648 Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: NW Oregon Device: Kindle Fire 8.9 HDX Kindle 3, Kindle Fire, Kindle Fire HD, Acer A200	The wife left a note on the fridge "It's not working, I can't take it anymore!! Gone to stay with my Mother" I opened the fridge, the light came on and the beer was cold.........What the hell is she talking about?

11-02-2012, 05:39 AM	#5550
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	I walked into the boss's office and handed him a pear. He asked, "What's this for?" "A pay rise. My wife told me to grow it first and then ask you."