10-24-2012, 04:47 PM | #5521 |
Grand Sorcerer
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10-25-2012, 09:23 AM | #5522 |
binomial: homo legentem
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As Washington D.C. and the rest of the country prepares to participate in the "great shakeout" earthquake drill today, President Obama wants to remind everyone in our nation's capitol that even though the 5.8 magnitude quake that hit D.C. in 2011 happened during his term, the pressure buildup for the quake actually started when the republicans were in charge.
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10-25-2012, 04:17 PM | #5523 |
Close to the Edit!
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"Please scream as loud as you possibly can," says the dentist to his patient.
"Why should I do that?" "The waiting room's full and the football's on in ten minutes." |
10-25-2012, 04:46 PM | #5524 | |
Official Lurker
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Quote:
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10-25-2012, 10:07 PM | #5525 | |
Bah, humbug!
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Quote:
I do believe my childhood dentist was the inspiration for this song: |
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10-25-2012, 11:08 PM | #5526 |
Is that a sandwich?
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I know a guy who can't hold his liquor during the winter months. It's probably the mittens.
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10-26-2012, 02:17 AM | #5527 | |
Opsimath
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Quote:
He was an Oral Surgeon, taught dentistry at N.Y.U. and Mt. Sinai Hospital two days a week. I have to assume that he was good, right? I wonder if this was some sort of passive aggressive thing that he was taking out on me? Stitchawl |
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10-26-2012, 06:14 AM | #5528 | ||
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Fortunately, I never need anything done to my teeth at my 6-monthly checkups, so the experience for me is quite a pleasant one, as he usually compliments the fact that he doesn't even need to clean or scrape them (I am a fan of the Firm toothbrush ). Quote:
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10-26-2012, 08:14 AM | #5529 |
Reading and reading
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Man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock at the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's 3:30 in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over.
Then a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is a man standing on the porch. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk. "Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push??" "No, get lost! It's half past three. I was in bed," says the man and he slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says, "That wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the babysitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?" "But the guy was drunk," says the husband. "It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him." So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the front door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push?" And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please." So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?" And the drunk replies, "Over here, on the swing." |
10-26-2012, 01:02 PM | #5530 |
Close to the Edit!
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The woman that just drove past me on the motorway was either doing a huge yawn or her brakes have failed.
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10-26-2012, 08:38 PM | #5531 |
Is that a sandwich?
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I met a woman named "Viamonte". I said, "You don't hear that name every day!"
She said, "Well, actually, I do." |
10-26-2012, 08:41 PM | #5532 |
Is that a sandwich?
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Here's another one. My last one wasn't funny.
A woman came in last in the 100 meter breaststroke at the local swim meet. She later complained, "The other girls were using their hands!" |
10-28-2012, 03:31 AM | #5533 |
Is that a sandwich?
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A guy says to a dentist, "$200 to pull a tooth? That's only about one minute's work!" The dentist says, "I can make it last longer if you'd like."
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10-28-2012, 09:45 PM | #5534 |
Is that a sandwich?
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Customer: "Waiter! There is a fly in my soup."
Waiter: "That could very well be, sir, the cook used to be a tailor." |
10-29-2012, 11:02 AM | #5535 |
秋子 permanently lurking
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For sale
Older phone model for sale (camera included)
Spoiler:
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