Unutterably Stupid

[spooky69]

What I really want when I read a forum about books (basically) is to read replies from a bunch of people who are my grandpa and think funny e-mails are funny and supposedly read and yet somehow I am 23 and you type like I did when I was 12.
I will cut some slack to the crazy non-native English speakers on here, but to people who should know better here is some advice: the best way to get your message across to non-idiots is still to use correct English where the words line up and actually spell out a coherent thought. Some of you guys it's like some weird little joke to see who can insert the most unnecessary non-alphabetic characters -- in all - of the ......... stupidest .....!!! possible, ways. I know you are in the habit of typing like mentally deficient Bonobo (which are relatively smart apes that do all of these sex things so I will use as an awkward reference where I will be like "Have you heard about these bonobo monkeys? They have sex with their kids lol! did u get my emale?") but, seriously, typing like you imagine some kid would on the internet does not actually make you seem younger or hipper on the internet, so go develop a more mature writing style where you actually express thoughts in a developed manner, because I never imagined a community of avid readers could spit out such consistently incoherent original text.
Listen, I don't care if you use capital letters or hyphens or whatever, but if you're a native English speaker and you've been reading for 20+ years, you should be able to put one foot after another and use that thing in front of you with all of the letters to actually type out things that don't make my brain literally bend in half. I should actually give you guys more credit since there are some pretty coherent people on here, especially compared to other forums. Still, some of the "worst" posts come from people who have identified themselves as people who should know better and, once again, make me feel like I am reading an e-mail from my grandpa (the forwarded kind with lots of nonsense text and formatting surrounding any actually intelligible content).
Once again, I don't really care if you say things correctly with all of my commas and all that, but if you speak English then just freaking pretend that you are talking and ask yourself how much of an idiot you would look like if the letters you are typing were coming out of your mouth in the order you typed them. If it turns out then you would look like like a big idiot, then you probably look like a somewhat more moderate idiot to me on here. This is only aimed at people who should know better, so if you have a valid reason for not typing out reasonable stuff, then that's fine. This is about over but if you can read a fancy book then you should at least be able to write things that are about 50% as coherent, right? Some of you are not hitting that mark and I want to see you do better by yourself.

[Taylor514ce]

Paragraphs are typically separated with blank lines. Watch the run-on sentences, they are a sign of sloppy thinking (or brilliant writing, but it's a line few can successfully cross).

I appreciate the sentiment, but have to share my own philosophy with you, namely, that anonymous rants, by which I mean, criticism directed at "you know who you are", are ineffective. No one knows who they are, so such rants tend to be more about looking good by comparison, without actually doing any good.

It's much better to name names, even if it gets you in trouble. Otherwise, there just isn't any point.

[spooky69]

Originally Posted by Taylor514ce

Paragraphs are typically separated with blank lines. Watch the run-on sentences, they are a sign of sloppy thinking (or brilliant writing, but it's a line few can successfully cross).

I appreciate the sentiment, but have to share my own philosophy with you, namely, that anonymous rants, by which I mean, criticism directed at "you know who you are", is ineffective. No one knows who they are, so such rants tend to be more about looking good by comparison, without actually doing any good.

It's much better to name names, even if it gets you in trouble. Otherwise, there just isn't any point.

I know the rules of the game, and yes, my writing is legitimately brilliant (even the run-on sentences). If that's what's up, I should point out that paragraphs in most printed material aren't distinguished by blank lines, but rather indentations.
The issue of my own competency in using the English language having now been addressed to completion, I should say that you make a decent point about my "I know who you are" style of criticism. If I might offer an argument for the legitimacy of my choice of approach, I think the broad sweep of my accusations should force any reasonable person reading them to examine their own potentially-flawed writing style and eventually ask themselves, "How does he know who I am so incredibly impressively?!" In other words, the ambiguity of my subject allows for the individual readers who could benefit from that big jerkin' it session up there to identify more readily with the unnamed rantee. I would say that counts as a point (for me? Maybe that was a depressed robot joke, there [originally]).

[Taylor514ce]

I disagree. I prefer someone who has something to say to me, say it to me. People do not generally admit their own faults, and to animadvert an anonymous them tends to allow me to agree with you, since after all you are talking about them, not me.

I'm not what you call "religious", or even "spiritual", if you prefer new-age neologism. But as a reader, I read very broadly, and so my reading has included that all-time bestseller, the Bible. No, I'm not preaching to you, wipe that horrified expression off your face. This is relevant: Matthew 18:15-17. Do you have a problem with me? Tell me, privately. Do I blow you off? Bring two or three more to the party. Still no response? Then you can bring the weight of the community to bear, in the form of a public address, if need be, but still directed to the specific party.

I'm no paragon, but if you are behaving in a way that tarnishes my pleasure in this site, trust me, you'll know it, and you'll know it before anyone else.

[RWood]

At least this thread had an apt title.

[Taylor514ce]

I will choose to take that personally, and so stop being stupid and say no more.

[spooky69]

You might be right about the efficacy of these presentation and confrontation styles, but there's also a clear divide between the most direct path to big forums results and the practical limitations of correlating my observations to specific individuals and/or specific instances. It's also important to note that my original post, as you might have guessed, was not designed to affect any sort of significant change in the general posting styles of people on this message board. If anything, I was just being a sassy bully, since if the generic poster I'm addressing is supposed to feel like a jerk or something. Now, it is what it is, and if what it is is me trying to make people on a forum about reading devices feel bad about typing styles reflective of a lack of familiarity with written English then I'd posit that the best way to achieve the widest reach for my barbs is to reach wide.
If the purpose of my expression were to address a specific posting trend (like a really lame thread title meme), then I might be better served by posting a rigidly structured list of relevant examples attached to names. Since I was going for something a lot more casual and a little less mean, I still feel that the most practical choice of format was a general address to any willing reader.
As far as the Bible and all that, I actually started giving 'er a try recently and I'm up to ~chapter 15 in Genesis. In what amounts to a situation whose mentioning is almost devoid of irony, I'm actually reading it on my 505, and it's a copy that I got from these very forums since the "classic" version I got from the Sony store has a recurring formatting error that makes attempting to read it unutterably silly. I'll make sure to check out that passage and give it some thought.

[RWood]

You should not.

[GeoffC]

Excuse me whilst I try and figure out if I should be in this thread , or not ...

[Lima_dat]

I minus well join this thread. I believe that in all of us exist the potential to get along in a manner that allows for good feelings for everybody. I think that everyone should quit arguing about good english, its the internet, for god's ache! For all intensive porpoises, this thread is a moo point.

[pilotbob]

Originally Posted by Lima_dat

I minus well join this thread. I believe that in all of us exist the potential to get along in a manner that allows for good feelings for everybody. I think that everyone should quit arguing about good english, its the internet, for god's ache! For all intensive porpoises, this thread is a moo point.

This post is either really funny, or really proves the OPs point.

BOb

[zelda_pinwheel]

Originally Posted by Lima_dat

I minus well join this thread. I believe that in all of us exist the potential to get along in a manner that allows for good feelings for everybody. I think that everyone should quit arguing about good english, its the internet, for god's ache! For all intensive porpoises, this thread is a moo point.

subversive and brilliant. also, i believe i'm going to try to use "for all intensive porpoises" as often as possible from now on.

[slayda]

Originally Posted by zelda_pinwheel

subversive and brilliant. also, i believe i'm going to try to use "for all intensive porpoises" as often as possible from now on.

Zelda, you're probably way too young to remember the other "porpoises" phrase - "for immortal porpoises".

[zelda_pinwheel]

Originally Posted by slayda

Zelda, you're probably way too young to remember the other "porpoises" phrase - "for immortal porpoises".

please to explain ?

[yvanleterrible]

Originally Posted by Lima_dat

I minus well join this thread. I believe that in all of us exist the potential to get along in a manner that allows for good feelings for everybody. I think that everyone should quit arguing about good english, its the internet, for god's ache! For all intensive porpoises, this thread is a moo point.

Love that one! His favorite creation gives him one in the ***.