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Old 12-13-2012, 05:56 PM   #5776
pilotbob
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I'm sorry to say, badgoodDeb, that you are NOT a fun date!
Any man in that position would not ask to check his e-mail. He'd ask to watch a football game!


Stitchawl
"An ambitious engineer decided to take a vacation."

Er... not an engineer!

BOb
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Old 12-14-2012, 05:41 AM   #5777
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"An ambitious engineer decided to take a vacation."

Er... not an engineer!

BOb
He'd asked for a Star Trek replica, instead...
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Old 12-14-2012, 06:53 PM   #5778
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Is that a sandwich?
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A beautiful female college student comes to a young professor’s office.

She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly, “I would do anything to pass this exam.”

She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. “I mean…” she whispers, “… I would do…anything!”

He returns her gaze. “Anything???”

“Yes… Anything!!!”

His voice turns to a whisper. “Would you….. study?”
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Old 12-15-2012, 11:57 AM   #5779
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Deaf Italian Bookkeeper


A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him

Out of $10,000,000.00.

His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first

Place.

It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would not have to

Testify in court.


When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10

Million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!


The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, Where's the money?

Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The lawyer

Tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking

About". The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and

Says, "Ask him again and tell him if he doesn't answer I'll kill him!"


The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."

Guido trembles and signs back, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown

Briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house.

The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"





The lawyer replies,


"He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."



Don't you just love lawyers?

Last edited by 74Cuda; 12-15-2012 at 12:02 PM.
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Old 12-15-2012, 02:32 PM   #5780
Fbone
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Jennifer watched as the cashier rang up her purchases.

“Cash, check or charge?” She asked after folding the items Jennifer had bought. As she fumbled for her wallet The cashier noticed a television remote control in her purse.

“Do you always carry your TV remote?” The cashier asked.

“No,” she replied, “but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the best retaliation.”
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Old 12-15-2012, 02:50 PM   #5781
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This photo has been around for a while, but I always drag it out this time of year because it always makes me chuckle

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Old 12-16-2012, 02:31 PM   #5782
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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A college senior took his new girlfriend to a football game.

The young couple found their seats in the crowded stadium and was watching the action when a substitute was sent into the game. As the promising young player ran onto the field to take his position, the boy pointed at him and said to his girlfriend, “Keep an eye on that fellow. I expect him to be our best man next year.”

His girlfriend snuggled closer to him and said, “That’s the strangest proposal I ever heard, but I accept!”
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Old 12-17-2012, 01:59 PM   #5783
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Originally Posted by Fbone View Post
A college senior took his new girlfriend to a football game.

The young couple found their seats in the crowded stadium and was watching the action when a substitute was sent into the game. As the promising young player ran onto the field to take his position, the boy pointed at him and said to his girlfriend, “Keep an eye on that fellow. I expect him to be our best man next year.”

His girlfriend snuggled closer to him and said, “That’s the strangest proposal I ever heard, but I accept!”
Oh dear. It must be a female thing. Her answer is the way I read it too!
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Old 12-17-2012, 03:45 PM   #5784
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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One evening a man drove his secretary home after she had imbibed a little too much at an office reception. Although it was an innocent gesture, he decided not to mention it to his wife, who tended to get jealous rather easily.

The next night, the man and his wife were driving to a restaurant. Suddenly, he looked down and spotted a high-heel shoe half hidden under the passenger seat.

Not wanting to get caught, he waited until his wife was looking out her window before he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of the car.

With a sign of relief, he pulled into the restaurant parking lot. That’s when he noticed his wife squirming around in her seat.

“Honey,” she asked, “have you seen my other shoe?”
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Old 12-17-2012, 05:45 PM   #5785
WT Sharpe
Bah, humbug!
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Oh dear. It must be a female thing. Her answer is the way I read it too!
Must be my feminine side coming out then. That's the first thing I thought of as well.
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Old 12-18-2012, 12:48 AM   #5786
Shayne Parkinson
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This photo has been around for a while, but I always drag it out this time of year because it always makes me chuckle

Someone in a much-decorated street near us has done just that this year! It certainly stands out among the crowd.

Last edited by Shayne Parkinson; 12-18-2012 at 12:54 AM.
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Old 12-18-2012, 04:54 AM   #5787
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The Grand Mouse 高貴的老鼠
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Someone in a much-decorated street near us has done just that this year! It certainly stands out among the crowd.
We want a photo!
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Old 12-18-2012, 07:39 AM   #5788
Hamlet53
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Get a good night's rest.

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Old 12-18-2012, 10:49 AM   #5789
Nexutix
Reading and reading
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Hellen Keller walks into a bar.

Spoiler:
And then a table, and then a stool.
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Old 12-18-2012, 03:18 PM   #5790
steven522
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Hellen Keller walks into a bar.

Boo!
* Throws tomatoes at the stage *
Boo!


I'm just not admitting that I laughed at that...
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