Silliness Steve Jordan test-drives the VentureOne

Steven Lyle Jordan · 10-17-2008, 10:22 AM

Konichi-wa. I'm Steve Jordan, author and futurist, and I'd like to share something with you. Recently, thanks to certain temporal regulations which I was given the opportunity to--let's say "bend slightly"--I was able to obtain a VentureOne, an incredible three-wheeled vehicle designed to be an energy-efficient transportation-slash-commuting vehicle. It comes in hybrid or all-electric flavors, and due to the year in which this one was made... 2018... I have the electric, which will reach speeds of 120MPH and travel 200 miles on a single 2-hour charge!

Most amazingly, this vehicle actually tilts the body into your turns, much like a motorcycle does. It gives you a feeling of flying "on-the-deck," an exhilarating experience if you've ever had one. It is built out of carbon fiber, from the new process that extracts excess carbon from the atmosphere and binds it into a fullerene-bonded carbon fiber weave... meaning this vehicle literally "cleans the air" in multiple ways!

And it comes with the latest technology: Full and partial autopilot with collision-avoidance intelligence; voice-controlled GPS with traffic-avoidance alternate-route capability; customizable heads-up display; radar, lidar, sonar and gravar detection systems; in-dash HD satellite hookup; built-in full-color e-book display rollout; drink dispenser; seat massager; stowable tray-table; deployable razor-spike street-jacks (to deal with tailgators, of course); bulletproof canopy with solar cell coating; aerial homing robot; smart-missile countermeasures; synthetic voice warning systems that can be pre-programmed to use the voices of the actor or actress of your choice (Mine is programmed with Penelope Cruz... I'm such a sucker for latin accents); and cupholders. My one complaint: The cupholders are too small to hold a Big Gulp cup. So I bought the adapter... $15.95 at Pep Boys. (The adapter from VentureOne is such a rip-off...)

So, it's time to give this baby a test-drive. I asked my wife to come along for the ride (it is a two-seater), but she declined, saying she'd rather wait until she's had a chance to review the temporal regulations contract I signed when I bought the ride. So, without further ado... let's get started!

DixieGal · 10-17-2008, 10:55 AM

The Google ad is showing a cute little pink tricycle with handlebar streamers right now.

Click It or Ticket!
Buckle Up for Safety!

pshrynk · 10-17-2008, 11:15 AM

You know, if you got that contract form Montsmags Enterprises (Holdings) you need to know that their company motto is, "Why bend it when breaking it is faster and makes a better popping noise?"

Steven Lyle Jordan · 10-17-2008, 11:23 AM

First of all, this thing's really comfortable! It reclines you to a sort of slouching-on-the-couch position that may just put you to sleep. Good trick the autopilot is capable of detecting your alertness and taking over for you in a millisecond's notice. Starting it up is as simple as pressing this amber button. Hear that? Yup, it's silence... the sign of a properly-tuned electric motor at work! ...heh...

So, let's get going... I'll just get us out of the neighborhood by saying: "Take me to the nearest Starbucks." Now it should--

Umph! Wow, it really bolted out of my driveway... I hit my head on the canopy when it took that turn. Not so fast, okay?

"I'm sorry. I assumed you were really thirsty."

No, not that thirsty, Penelope. Just keep it below the speed limit, okay?

"I am pre-programmed to respect speed limit regulations, except in extreme conditions. Estimated time to Starbucks: Six minutes."

As you can see, it is very intelligent, and even polite. As it turns onto the main roadway, you can see the lean that makes this ride so cool. The controls are sophisticated, with a minimum of buttons or levers, and everything within easy reach. There are three pedals on the floor... but I admit I haven't figured out what one of them is for, since this vehicle does not have a manual shifting capacity at all, so I know it's not a clutch. Maybe by the time the test-ride is over, I'll have a better idea about that last one.

As you've noticed, I'm speaking in a normal conversational tone. The vehicle is wonderfully sound-proofed, with built-in sonic counter-noise speakers that broadcast at the exact frequency of the noises in the outside environment, cancelling them out completely. That makes it easy to speak to your passenger, or to make a cellphone call, without having to yell.

Okay, we've reached the Starbucks. I'll just take us through the drive-through... now. watch this:

"Welcome to Starbucks drive-through. Can I help you?"

See that? It uses the latest tightcast tech to connect directly with the radio in the V-One! Gotta love Starbucks! Uh, yes... I'd like a grande mocha frapuccino, extra mocha, no whip, please.

"Thank you! Please pull up to the delivery window."

Okay, we're... uh... huh. Okay, here's a slight drawback to the V-One: It's a bit low compared to the drive-in window. About three feet too low, in fact. Most drive-in windows in America were set at SUV-height years ago, and so far very few have been lowered for the newer generation of cars. So, I've got to fully open the canopy and stand up to get... okay... thank you very much. Oh, can I get a tall straw, please? Thanks. And back in... all right. Let's go!

"Where?"

Never mind, Penny, i'll drive.

"With a drink in your hand? Don't be silly. I'll drive."

No, it's okay, I've got it.

"But you'll spill it all over you! I'd hate to see you spill it and ruin those lovely chinos."

No big... see? It's in the cupholder now. I'm good.

"You're sure?"

I'm sure. Okay... let's get onto the highway. Penny, display GPS map and activate traffic monitoring.

"Traffic monitoring activated. Warning: Do not get onto the highway."

What?

"Traffic is backed up on I-270 due to an accident at Falls road involving a car and a low-flying Pelican. Take alternate route 355."

Well, how about that? Works pretty good. So I'll just... hey! I'm passing over the highway now, and there's no traffic! I guess the traffic system doesn't update very quickly. So I'm just going to turn around and get on the highway anyway.

"Warning: Traffic is backed up--"

Disregard, Penny. We're going in.

RWood · 10-17-2008, 11:40 AM

Like 355 is any better than 270. 95 is just a used car lot with the less expensive ones displayed over on rt 1. You can improve the transportation vehicle but the routes are still as bad as they ever were. Now where did I put my bicycle?

MMascaro · 10-17-2008, 11:45 AM

Great car Steve, but where is the ebook reader screen. Is it part of the Heads Up Display or intigrated into the dash panel.

DixieGal · 10-17-2008, 12:08 PM

Seatbelts buckled: Check.

Did this thing come with a helmet? I'm afraid you and Penny will start arguing and have a wreck, what with you being all hopped up on caffiene.

Steven Lyle Jordan · 10-17-2008, 12:31 PM

Wow, this V-One feels great around the corners... I love this lean! It's just like I used to get on my Yamaha, but I don’t have to worry about scraping the pipes… or my knees (as if). Let's get it up to highway speed, and... oh, yeah! Nice! Got great pickup, like a sportsbike... and for an electric, that's impressive! Now I can relax and roll out my console-mounted e-book screen to enjoy the latest Jack McDevitt (plug, plug) and play some classic jazz, just a happy hum from the motor, and a flashing red indicator on my heads-up display... uh... say, Penny, what is that?

"It is an indicator that you are exceeding the posted speed limit."

Does it do that every time I exceed the posted speed limit?

"Yes."

Exceed by how much?

"By more than the posted speed limit."

You mean, if it's a 55MPH zone, and I drive at 56MPH--

"You would be exceeding the posted speed limit."

Oy. Okay, the display is customizable. Let's more that indicator to the lower left of--

"The speed warning indicator is not a customizable element. It is set by government regulations, and cannot be altered or moved."

Double-oy. Well, maybe if you drive for a bit, you can sort of tune it out. Anyway, the ride is nice and smooth and quiet. The indicators here show you your power usage and estimated range, and here are some motor specs... everything here looks good. For aerodynamic reasons, there's no outboard rear-view mirror, so instead the V-One uses this rear display screen here. And if you look at it, you can see...

...uh...

...you can see what looks like a very futuristic vehicle, right on my tailpipe. (Well, if I had one.) I don't know what that thing is, but it's awful close...

"Attention: You are being hailed."

Hailed? What is this... Star Trek? Penny, what are you talking about?

"The vehicle behind you is tapping into my radio system..."

What the heck for? Did I forget to pay at Starbucks? Is Top Gear trying to recruit me? Or--

"Attention Steve Jordan, author and futurist. This is the temporal police. The Temporal Anomaly Bureau has contacted us regarding your appropriation of the 2018-model-year VentureOne vehicle in your possession."

Appropri-- Uh oh. I knew that used car salesman with the aussie accent seemed shady...

"You are hearby ordered to pull over and present your licence, registration, biometric identification, temporal waiver documentation and multipass for inspection."

Oh, bother. I left my multipass at home.

"You are required to pull over and submit to inspection. Failure to pull over could result in your arrest. Failure to submit to inspection could result in your arrest. Failure to present all required documentation could result in your arrest. Failure to establish positive identification could result in your arrest. Failure to placate the officers by offering them some of your frapuccino could result in your arrest."

I get the picture. Penny, anything you can do to help?

“I can call your wife to arrange bail. Estimated time to arrest: Nine minutes.”

Great. Well, as long as it looks like I really screwed up this time... and as I happen to be approaching the exit for the parkway anyway... I guess I really might as well see how this baby handles now!

"Attention: You are exceeding the posted speed limit by forty--"

Not now, Penny... I'm busy trying to lose some future-cops. Take the three-point harness in a notch, and find and play the William Tell Overture. Hi-yo Silll-verrrr!

Steven Lyle Jordan · 10-17-2008, 02:04 PM

I've gotta get to the parkway exit, and I'm sooo in the wrong lane. Let's see how this baby jumps... WHOA! That looked like one of the future-cop cars... it suddenly appeared in front of me, trying to cut me off! Sneaky temporal cops and their sneaky temporal tricks! Good thing this V-One turns on a dime... I was just able to swerve around him in time. But if he recovers fast enough, he might still--wait! What a freak thing: He just hit a low-flying pelican crossing the highway! Man, that's gonna stuff up traffic for miles. Um, Penny? You might want to check your traffic avoidance system, it seems to be out of temporal sync by a few minutes.

“I’ll schedule an appointment with Doc Browne, as soon as he returns from his visit to the Smithsonian Crater in 2434.”

Thank you, Penny Youngman. Now I'm on the parkway, and here's where the real twisties start. Penny, play me some hot crime-jazz chase music… something with a lotta horns and cymbals! That’s the stuff! And stop trying to take the wheel whenever I go for a sip of frapuccino! Let's see those cops keep up with me now! With the V-One's low center of gravity, deep lean angle and future-tweaked grippy tires, I can take the curves at pretty much full speed... I can see those cops falling behind in their four-wheel cars, even with (I’m guessing) the same superior tires. Oh, reet! Solid, Jackson!

"Attention: You are severely exceeding the posted speed limit."

I know, Penny, but it's all in the cause of the preservation of knowledge. Not to mention the preservation of my a--

"Warning: Squirrels in road. Take evasive--"

Yikes! Hold on-- Whew! What a ride! And you should have seen the look on those squirrels' faces... I could hear their cartoon-like screams as I swerved around them! But now I've lost some time, and the future-cops have gained on me.

But here's something they didn't count on: The narrow cross-section of this vehicle means that it is small enough to drive on walking trails... whereas those future-cop cars are too wide. Time to lose me some cops!

"Attention: You are leaving the roadway. This officially voids the vehicle's warranty."

Well, those cops may just void my warranty, so...

"Warning: Hikers on trail. Take evasiv/Warning: Deer on trail. Take evasiv/Warning: Bicyclers on trail. Take evasiv/Warning: Joggers on trail. Take evasive--"

I got it I got it I got it I got it I got it! Whoa... what a rush! The radar, lidar, sonar and gravar detection system works like a charm, and as you saw, the heads-up display instantly mapped me a perfect set of maneuvers to keep me from hitting anything. The last jogger doesn’t count… that’ll teach him to zig when Penny expects him to zag. But it’s okay, the carbon-fiber shell and custom nanoparticle paint didn’t even get scratched! How’m I doin’, Penny?

“Estimated time of death: Three minutes.”

Very funny. But I think I lost the cops... at least, I sure can't see them in my rear-view screens...

"That's because they are no longer in a position to be seen in your rear-view screens."

Right, Penny... because I lost them.

"Well, actually, no, you didn't."

But I don't--

"Look up."

Oh, great. Future-cop cars can fly...

DixieGal · 10-17-2008, 02:16 PM

Loving it! “Estimated time of death: Three minutes.”

Hey Steve, you are so good at this that you ought to become an author!

pshrynk · 10-17-2008, 02:25 PM

What is it with Steve and vehicles? Every time he gets in one, the cops or pandas try to pull him over.

LazyScot · 10-17-2008, 02:26 PM

Hey, anyone want some of these cheese and chilli nachos -- hot from the oven; and I've got sour-cream dip.

deployable razor-spike street-jacks (to deal with tailgators, of course): Lust!

One point of order: do not go round the squirrels -- take the straight line.

Now, remember to press the big button marked improbability drive at just the wrong time (and do try to stop hiccuping).

BTW, how's the frapuccino doing in the ride?

DixieGal · 10-17-2008, 02:28 PM

At this point, he can't afford to be pulled over. There are probably enough warrants out there for him, that they would throw him under the jail if they ever catch him. I sure hope he's filming some of this, so we can see the V-1 in action, you know, before he wrecks it or spills food all over the upholstery.

LazyScot · 10-17-2008, 02:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DixieGal

At this point, he can't afford to be pulled over. There are probably enough warrants out there for him, that they would throw him under the jail if they ever catch him. I sure hope he's filming some of this, so we can see the V-1 in action, you know, before he wrecks it or spills food all over the upholstery.

Oh look. He's "live" on MR-TV 24 hour temporal news channel.... Marc should be able to have given you a subscription.

DixieGal · 10-17-2008, 02:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LazyScot

Oh look. He's "live" on MR-TV 24 hour temporal news channel.... Marc should be able to have given you a subscription.

I don't have that. Would it help to stick a butter knife into the back of my satellite box and jiggle it around? I used to could get "premium" cable channels like that, back when the box had 25 channels and a slider to select channels.

10-17-2008, 10:22 AM	#1
Steven Lyle Jordan Grand Sorcerer Posts: 8,478 Karma: 5171130 Join Date: Jan 2006 Device: none	Steve Jordan test-drives the VentureOne Konichi-wa. I'm Steve Jordan, author and futurist, and I'd like to share something with you. Recently, thanks to certain temporal regulations which I was given the opportunity to--let's say "bend slightly"--I was able to obtain a VentureOne, an incredible three-wheeled vehicle designed to be an energy-efficient transportation-slash-commuting vehicle. It comes in hybrid or all-electric flavors, and due to the year in which this one was made... 2018... I have the electric, which will reach speeds of 120MPH and travel 200 miles on a single 2-hour charge! Most amazingly, this vehicle actually tilts the body into your turns, much like a motorcycle does. It gives you a feeling of flying "on-the-deck," an exhilarating experience if you've ever had one. It is built out of carbon fiber, from the new process that extracts excess carbon from the atmosphere and binds it into a fullerene-bonded carbon fiber weave... meaning this vehicle literally "cleans the air" in multiple ways! And it comes with the latest technology: Full and partial autopilot with collision-avoidance intelligence; voice-controlled GPS with traffic-avoidance alternate-route capability; customizable heads-up display; radar, lidar, sonar and gravar detection systems; in-dash HD satellite hookup; built-in full-color e-book display rollout; drink dispenser; seat massager; stowable tray-table; deployable razor-spike street-jacks (to deal with tailgators, of course); bulletproof canopy with solar cell coating; aerial homing robot; smart-missile countermeasures; synthetic voice warning systems that can be pre-programmed to use the voices of the actor or actress of your choice (Mine is programmed with Penelope Cruz... I'm such a sucker for latin accents); and cupholders. My one complaint: The cupholders are too small to hold a Big Gulp cup. So I bought the adapter... $15.95 at Pep Boys. (The adapter from VentureOne is such a rip-off...) So, it's time to give this baby a test-drive. I asked my wife to come along for the ride (it is a two-seater), but she declined, saying she'd rather wait until she's had a chance to review the temporal regulations contract I signed when I bought the ride. So, without further ado... let's get started! Last edited by Steven Lyle Jordan; 10-17-2008 at 02:01 PM.

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10-17-2008, 10:55 AM	#2
DixieGal Hi There! Posts: 7,473 Karma: 2930523 Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Ft Lauderdale Device: iPad	The Google ad is showing a cute little pink tricycle with handlebar streamers right now. Click It or Ticket! Buckle Up for Safety!

10-17-2008, 11:15 AM	#3
pshrynk Beepbeep n beebeep, yeah! Posts: 11,726 Karma: 8255450 Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: La Crosse, Wisconsin, aka America's IceBox Device: iThingie, KmkII, I miss Zelda!	You know, if you got that contract form Montsmags Enterprises (Holdings) you need to know that their company motto is, "Why bend it when breaking it is faster and makes a better popping noise?"

10-17-2008, 11:23 AM	#4
Steven Lyle Jordan Grand Sorcerer Posts: 8,478 Karma: 5171130 Join Date: Jan 2006 Device: none	First of all, this thing's really comfortable! It reclines you to a sort of slouching-on-the-couch position that may just put you to sleep. Good trick the autopilot is capable of detecting your alertness and taking over for you in a millisecond's notice. Starting it up is as simple as pressing this amber button. Hear that? Yup, it's silence... the sign of a properly-tuned electric motor at work! ...heh... So, let's get going... I'll just get us out of the neighborhood by saying: "Take me to the nearest Starbucks." Now it should-- Umph! Wow, it really bolted out of my driveway... I hit my head on the canopy when it took that turn. Not so fast, okay? "I'm sorry. I assumed you were really thirsty." No, not that thirsty, Penelope. Just keep it below the speed limit, okay? "I am pre-programmed to respect speed limit regulations, except in extreme conditions. Estimated time to Starbucks: Six minutes." As you can see, it is very intelligent, and even polite. As it turns onto the main roadway, you can see the lean that makes this ride so cool. The controls are sophisticated, with a minimum of buttons or levers, and everything within easy reach. There are three pedals on the floor... but I admit I haven't figured out what one of them is for, since this vehicle does not have a manual shifting capacity at all, so I know it's not a clutch. Maybe by the time the test-ride is over, I'll have a better idea about that last one. As you've noticed, I'm speaking in a normal conversational tone. The vehicle is wonderfully sound-proofed, with built-in sonic counter-noise speakers that broadcast at the exact frequency of the noises in the outside environment, cancelling them out completely. That makes it easy to speak to your passenger, or to make a cellphone call, without having to yell. Okay, we've reached the Starbucks. I'll just take us through the drive-through... now. watch this: "Welcome to Starbucks drive-through. Can I help you?" See that? It uses the latest tightcast tech to connect directly with the radio in the V-One! Gotta love Starbucks! Uh, yes... I'd like a grande mocha frapuccino, extra mocha, no whip, please. "Thank you! Please pull up to the delivery window." Okay, we're... uh... huh. Okay, here's a slight drawback to the V-One: It's a bit low compared to the drive-in window. About three feet too low, in fact. Most drive-in windows in America were set at SUV-height years ago, and so far very few have been lowered for the newer generation of cars. So, I've got to fully open the canopy and stand up to get... okay... thank you very much. Oh, can I get a tall straw, please? Thanks. And back in... all right. Let's go! "Where?" Never mind, Penny, i'll drive. "With a drink in your hand? Don't be silly. I'll drive." No, it's okay, I've got it. "But you'll spill it all over you! I'd hate to see you spill it and ruin those lovely chinos." No big... see? It's in the cupholder now. I'm good. "You're sure?" I'm sure. Okay... let's get onto the highway. Penny, display GPS map and activate traffic monitoring. "Traffic monitoring activated. Warning: Do not get onto the highway." What? "Traffic is backed up on I-270 due to an accident at Falls road involving a car and a low-flying Pelican. Take alternate route 355." Well, how about that? Works pretty good. So I'll just... hey! I'm passing over the highway now, and there's no traffic! I guess the traffic system doesn't update very quickly. So I'm just going to turn around and get on the highway anyway. "Warning: Traffic is backed up--" Disregard, Penny. We're going in.

10-17-2008, 11:40 AM	#5
RWood Technogeezer Posts: 7,233 Karma: 1601464 Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Virginia, USA Device: Sony PRS-500	Like 355 is any better than 270. 95 is just a used car lot with the less expensive ones displayed over on rt 1. You can improve the transportation vehicle but the routes are still as bad as they ever were. Now where did I put my bicycle?

10-17-2008, 11:45 AM	#6
MMascaro Zealot Posts: 111 Karma: 1009 Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Maryland USA Device: HP mini 1035/Sony Reader/IPad	Great car Steve, but where is the ebook reader screen. Is it part of the Heads Up Display or intigrated into the dash panel.

10-17-2008, 12:08 PM	#7
DixieGal Hi There! Posts: 7,473 Karma: 2930523 Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Ft Lauderdale Device: iPad	Seatbelts buckled: Check. Did this thing come with a helmet? I'm afraid you and Penny will start arguing and have a wreck, what with you being all hopped up on caffiene.

10-17-2008, 12:31 PM	#8
Steven Lyle Jordan Grand Sorcerer Posts: 8,478 Karma: 5171130 Join Date: Jan 2006 Device: none	Wow, this V-One feels great around the corners... I love this lean! It's just like I used to get on my Yamaha, but I don’t have to worry about scraping the pipes… or my knees (as if). Let's get it up to highway speed, and... oh, yeah! Nice! Got great pickup, like a sportsbike... and for an electric, that's impressive! Now I can relax and roll out my console-mounted e-book screen to enjoy the latest Jack McDevitt (plug, plug) and play some classic jazz, just a happy hum from the motor, and a flashing red indicator on my heads-up display... uh... say, Penny, what is that? "It is an indicator that you are exceeding the posted speed limit." Does it do that every time I exceed the posted speed limit? "Yes." Exceed by how much? "By more than the posted speed limit." You mean, if it's a 55MPH zone, and I drive at 56MPH-- "You would be exceeding the posted speed limit." Oy. Okay, the display is customizable. Let's more that indicator to the lower left of-- "The speed warning indicator is not a customizable element. It is set by government regulations, and cannot be altered or moved." Double-oy. Well, maybe if you drive for a bit, you can sort of tune it out. Anyway, the ride is nice and smooth and quiet. The indicators here show you your power usage and estimated range, and here are some motor specs... everything here looks good. For aerodynamic reasons, there's no outboard rear-view mirror, so instead the V-One uses this rear display screen here. And if you look at it, you can see... ...uh... ...you can see what looks like a very futuristic vehicle, right on my tailpipe. (Well, if I had one.) I don't know what that thing is, but it's awful close... "Attention: You are being hailed." Hailed? What is this... Star Trek? Penny, what are you talking about? "The vehicle behind you is tapping into my radio system..." What the heck for? Did I forget to pay at Starbucks? Is Top Gear trying to recruit me? Or-- "Attention Steve Jordan, author and futurist. This is the temporal police. The Temporal Anomaly Bureau has contacted us regarding your appropriation of the 2018-model-year VentureOne vehicle in your possession." Appropri-- Uh oh. I knew that used car salesman with the aussie accent seemed shady... "You are hearby ordered to pull over and present your licence, registration, biometric identification, temporal waiver documentation and multipass for inspection." Oh, bother. I left my multipass at home. "You are required to pull over and submit to inspection. Failure to pull over could result in your arrest. Failure to submit to inspection could result in your arrest. Failure to present all required documentation could result in your arrest. Failure to establish positive identification could result in your arrest. Failure to placate the officers by offering them some of your frapuccino could result in your arrest." I get the picture. Penny, anything you can do to help? “I can call your wife to arrange bail. Estimated time to arrest: Nine minutes.” Great. Well, as long as it looks like I really screwed up this time... and as I happen to be approaching the exit for the parkway anyway... I guess I really might as well see how this baby handles now! "Attention: You are exceeding the posted speed limit by forty--" Not now, Penny... I'm busy trying to lose some future-cops. Take the three-point harness in a notch, and find and play the William Tell Overture. Hi-yo Silll-verrrr!

10-17-2008, 02:04 PM	#9
Steven Lyle Jordan Grand Sorcerer Posts: 8,478 Karma: 5171130 Join Date: Jan 2006 Device: none	I've gotta get to the parkway exit, and I'm sooo in the wrong lane. Let's see how this baby jumps... WHOA! That looked like one of the future-cop cars... it suddenly appeared in front of me, trying to cut me off! Sneaky temporal cops and their sneaky temporal tricks! Good thing this V-One turns on a dime... I was just able to swerve around him in time. But if he recovers fast enough, he might still--wait! What a freak thing: He just hit a low-flying pelican crossing the highway! Man, that's gonna stuff up traffic for miles. Um, Penny? You might want to check your traffic avoidance system, it seems to be out of temporal sync by a few minutes. “I’ll schedule an appointment with Doc Browne, as soon as he returns from his visit to the Smithsonian Crater in 2434.” Thank you, Penny Youngman. Now I'm on the parkway, and here's where the real twisties start. Penny, play me some hot crime-jazz chase music… something with a lotta horns and cymbals! That’s the stuff! And stop trying to take the wheel whenever I go for a sip of frapuccino! Let's see those cops keep up with me now! With the V-One's low center of gravity, deep lean angle and future-tweaked grippy tires, I can take the curves at pretty much full speed... I can see those cops falling behind in their four-wheel cars, even with (I’m guessing) the same superior tires. Oh, reet! Solid, Jackson! "Attention: You are severely exceeding the posted speed limit." I know, Penny, but it's all in the cause of the preservation of knowledge. Not to mention the preservation of my a-- "Warning: Squirrels in road. Take evasive--" Yikes! Hold on-- Whew! What a ride! And you should have seen the look on those squirrels' faces... I could hear their cartoon-like screams as I swerved around them! But now I've lost some time, and the future-cops have gained on me. But here's something they didn't count on: The narrow cross-section of this vehicle means that it is small enough to drive on walking trails... whereas those future-cop cars are too wide. Time to lose me some cops! "Attention: You are leaving the roadway. This officially voids the vehicle's warranty." Well, those cops may just void my warranty, so... "Warning: Hikers on trail. Take evasiv/Warning: Deer on trail. Take evasiv/Warning: Bicyclers on trail. Take evasiv/Warning: Joggers on trail. Take evasive--" I got it I got it I got it I got it I got it! Whoa... what a rush! The radar, lidar, sonar and gravar detection system works like a charm, and as you saw, the heads-up display instantly mapped me a perfect set of maneuvers to keep me from hitting anything. The last jogger doesn’t count… that’ll teach him to zig when Penny expects him to zag. But it’s okay, the carbon-fiber shell and custom nanoparticle paint didn’t even get scratched! How’m I doin’, Penny? “Estimated time of death: Three minutes.” Very funny. But I think I lost the cops... at least, I sure can't see them in my rear-view screens... "That's because they are no longer in a position to be seen in your rear-view screens." Right, Penny... because I lost them. "Well, actually, no, you didn't." But I don't-- "Look up." Oh, great. Future-cop cars can fly...

10-17-2008, 02:16 PM	#10
DixieGal Hi There! Posts: 7,473 Karma: 2930523 Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Ft Lauderdale Device: iPad	Loving it! “Estimated time of death: Three minutes.” Hey Steve, you are so good at this that you ought to become an author!

10-17-2008, 02:25 PM	#11
pshrynk Beepbeep n beebeep, yeah! Posts: 11,726 Karma: 8255450 Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: La Crosse, Wisconsin, aka America's IceBox Device: iThingie, KmkII, I miss Zelda!	What is it with Steve and vehicles? Every time he gets in one, the cops or pandas try to pull him over.

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10-17-2008, 02:26 PM	#12
LazyScot DSil Posts: 3,201 Karma: 6895096 Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Hants, UK Device: Kindle, Cybook	<settles down on sofa, hoping for a long read...> Hey, anyone want some of these cheese and chilli nachos -- hot from the oven; and I've got sour-cream dip. deployable razor-spike street-jacks (to deal with tailgators, of course): Lust! One point of order: do not go round the squirrels -- take the straight line. Now, remember to press the big button marked improbability drive at just the wrong time (and do try to stop hiccuping). BTW, how's the frapuccino doing in the ride?

10-17-2008, 02:28 PM	#13
DixieGal Hi There! Posts: 7,473 Karma: 2930523 Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Ft Lauderdale Device: iPad	At this point, he can't afford to be pulled over. There are probably enough warrants out there for him, that they would throw him under the jail if they ever catch him. I sure hope he's filming some of this, so we can see the V-1 in action, you know, before he wrecks it or spills food all over the upholstery.