Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 365

Fbone · 10-09-2012, 01:42 PM

Polynesia - memory loss in parrots.

Kumabjorn · 10-09-2012, 02:14 PM

CD-ROM - Cuban liquor for diplomats.

James_Wilde · 10-09-2012, 03:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kumabjorn

CD-ROM - Cuban liquor for diplomats.

The problem is, Kumabjörn, you have to be Swedish to understand that 'rom' is the Swedish for 'rum'.

Well, I suppose you could be Danish or Norwegian - or even English and living in Sweden for 23 years...

Bilbo1967 · 10-09-2012, 03:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

If your 'significant other' (wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend, etc.) ever asks,
"If I were to arrange a threesome for your birthday, which of my friends would you pick to join in?

Never give two names.

Stitchawl

Well, I just wasted a perfectly good mouthful of wine. And I now have to wipe it up

Stitchawl · 10-09-2012, 06:49 PM

Men have feeling too. For example, we feel hungry.

Stitchawl

Daithi · 10-09-2012, 07:45 PM

What do you get after playing the lute for 10 hours straight?
Minstrel cramps.

A fellow was trying to pick up a girl, but she says, "Sorry, buddy, but I'm on my menstrual cycle."
He says, "That's ok, I'll follow you on my Harley."

[Yeah, I know, feminine hygiene jokes are the lowest form of humor. Period.]

badgoodDeb · 10-09-2012, 07:55 PM

Groan!! Oh, and double groan!!

(For the first and the last. The middle didn't strike me as much)

Daithi · 10-09-2012, 08:00 PM

My sister got pregnant when she was 16, and had a set of twins who she gave up for adoption. One of them was adopted by a family in Egypt and they named him "Ahmal." The other was adopted by a family in Mexico and they name him "Juan." When the boys were five-years-old my sister received a picture of Juan from the family that had adopted him. My sister was really happy to get the picture, but I heard her tell my mom that she wished she also had a picture of Ahmal. My mom responded, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

qlob · 10-09-2012, 09:05 PM

^nice one!

Fbone · 10-09-2012, 11:00 PM

A good pun is its own reword.

Kumabjorn · 10-10-2012, 01:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by James_Wilde

The problem is, Kumabjörn, you have to be Swedish to understand that 'rom' is the Swedish for 'rum'.

Well, I suppose you could be Danish or Norwegian - or even English and living in Sweden for 23 years...

Didn't think about that. My apologies.

Freeshadow · 10-10-2012, 08:33 AM

None needed methinks

Were I to place a bet I would have said native Swedish.

Nexutix · 10-10-2012, 10:06 AM

Colin was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Colin how about Tom Cruise?" "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."

So Colin and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts, "Colin! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"

Although impressed, Colin's boss is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Colin that he thinks Colin's knowing Cruise was just lucky. "No, no, just name anyone else," Colin says. "President Clinton," his boss quickly retorts.

"Yes," Colin says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington." And off they go.

At the White House, Clinton spots Colin on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Colin, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."

Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Colin, who again implores him to name anyone else. "The Pope," his boss replies.

"Sure!" says Colin. "My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time." So off they fly to Rome.

Colin and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Colin says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."

And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Colin emerges with the Pope on the balcony but by the time Colin returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss' side, Colin asks him, "What happened?"

His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who the hell's that on the balcony with Colin?"

Fbone · 10-10-2012, 06:22 PM

I'm hoping to find a cure for my hiccups, but I'm not holding my breath.

Bookpossum · 10-10-2012, 06:29 PM

Try a spoonful of sugar!

10-09-2012, 07:45 PM	#5466
Daithi Publishers are evil! Posts: 2,418 Karma: 36205264 Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Rhode Island Device: Various Kindles	What do you get after playing the lute for 10 hours straight? Minstrel cramps. A fellow was trying to pick up a girl, but she says, "Sorry, buddy, but I'm on my menstrual cycle." He says, "That's ok, I'll follow you on my Harley." [Yeah, I know, feminine hygiene jokes are the lowest form of humor. Period.] Last edited by Daithi; 10-09-2012 at 07:47 PM.

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10-09-2012, 01:42 PM	#5461
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Polynesia - memory loss in parrots.

10-09-2012, 02:14 PM	#5462
Kumabjorn Basculocolpic Posts: 4,356 Karma: 20181319 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Sweden Device: Kindle 3 WiFi, Kindle 4SO, Kindle for Android, Sony PRS-350 and PRS-T1	CD-ROM - Cuban liquor for diplomats.

10-09-2012, 06:49 PM	#5465
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 12,344 Karma: 187123287 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy	Men have feeling too. For example, we feel hungry. Stitchawl

10-09-2012, 07:55 PM	#5467
badgoodDeb Grand Sorcerer Posts: 8,501 Karma: 64095689 Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Harrisburg outskirts Device: Palms, K1-4s, iPads, iPhones, KV, KO1	Groan!! Oh, and double groan!! (For the first and the last. The middle didn't strike me as much)

10-09-2012, 08:00 PM	#5468
Daithi Publishers are evil! Posts: 2,418 Karma: 36205264 Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Rhode Island Device: Various Kindles	My sister got pregnant when she was 16, and had a set of twins who she gave up for adoption. One of them was adopted by a family in Egypt and they named him "Ahmal." The other was adopted by a family in Mexico and they name him "Juan." When the boys were five-years-old my sister received a picture of Juan from the family that had adopted him. My sister was really happy to get the picture, but I heard her tell my mom that she wished she also had a picture of Ahmal. My mom responded, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

10-09-2012, 09:05 PM	#5469
qlob Official Lurker Posts: 1,050 Karma: 7096675 Join Date: Apr 2012 Device: Kindle 3.4	^nice one!

10-09-2012, 11:00 PM	#5470
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	A good pun is its own reword.

10-10-2012, 08:33 AM	#5472
Freeshadow temp. out of service Posts: 2,791 Karma: 24285242 Join Date: May 2010 Location: Duisburg (DE) Device: PB 623	None needed methinks Were I to place a bet I would have said native Swedish.

10-10-2012, 10:06 AM	#5473
Nexutix Reading and reading Posts: 582 Karma: 8250144 Join Date: Oct 2010 Device: Infibeam Pi, iPod Touch 4G, iPad Air 2, iPad mini 2, Oneplus One	Colin was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them. Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Colin how about Tom Cruise?" "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Colin and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts, "Colin! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!" Although impressed, Colin's boss is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Colin that he thinks Colin's knowing Cruise was just lucky. "No, no, just name anyone else," Colin says. "President Clinton," his boss quickly retorts. "Yes," Colin says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington." And off they go. At the White House, Clinton spots Colin on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Colin, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up." Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Colin, who again implores him to name anyone else. "The Pope," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Colin. "My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time." So off they fly to Rome. Colin and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Colin says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Colin emerges with the Pope on the balcony but by the time Colin returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss' side, Colin asks him, "What happened?" His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who the hell's that on the balcony with Colin?"

10-10-2012, 06:22 PM	#5474
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I'm hoping to find a cure for my hiccups, but I'm not holding my breath.

10-10-2012, 06:29 PM	#5475
Bookpossum Snoozing in the sun Posts: 10,137 Karma: 115423645 Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Melbourne, Australia Device: iPad Mini, Kobo Touch	Try a spoonful of sugar!