09-11-2012, 02:06 AM | #5326 |
Is that a sandwich?
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"When we get home," I lectured my three young sons in the backseat of the car, "I want you all to clean your rooms because Uncle Ed is coming over. He's never been to our house before, and I want it to look tidy."
My nine-year-old finally broke a lengthy silence. "But isn't that kind of like lying?" |
09-11-2012, 07:05 AM | #5327 |
Snoozing in the sun
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A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store
and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, which came in a little white box to use for his house. He took the box back home, found a good spot for it, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with him. So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to church with me today? We will have a good time." But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again, "How about going to church with me?" But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. He decided to invite the centipede one last time. This time he put his face up against the centipede's house and shouted, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to church with me?" This time, a little voice came out of the box: "I heard you the first time! I'm putting my shoes on!" |
09-11-2012, 04:25 PM | #5328 |
Guru
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OK that one got me.
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09-11-2012, 05:04 PM | #5329 |
Reborn Paper User
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09-11-2012, 07:17 PM | #5330 |
Grand Sorcerer
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I think I now know why I have never seen a centipede army; would take far too long to polish their boots.
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09-11-2012, 07:21 PM | #5331 |
Grand Sorcerer
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09-11-2012, 07:22 PM | #5332 |
Not scared!
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Very similar joke that I first heard years ago.
No need to tell the whole thing, but it involves a game of soccer between the insects and the mammals. The punch line is something like; "Why did you only bring the centipede on at half time? He was brilliant." "He was putting his boots on" |
09-11-2012, 10:48 PM | #5333 |
Is that a sandwich?
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When you are arguing with an idiot, make sure the other person isn't doing the same thing.
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09-11-2012, 11:51 PM | #5334 | |
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Quote:
The centipede scored no less than 180 goals and the insects won the game by miles. In the dressing room afterwards the captain of the mammals was chatting to the insect captain. "That centipede of yours is terrific," the captain of the mammals said. "Why didn't you play him from the start?" "We'd have liked to," replied the insect captain, "but it takes him 45 minutes to get his boots on." |
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09-12-2012, 07:12 PM | #5335 |
Is that a sandwich?
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Wife: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."
Husband: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous." Wife: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor." Husband: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?" Wife: "In the pool." |
09-13-2012, 09:15 AM | #5336 |
Snoozing in the sun
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There's a know-all in every group:
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09-13-2012, 09:53 PM | #5337 |
Is that a sandwich?
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A woman phones up her husband at work for a chat.
HIM: "I'm sorry dear but I'm up to my neck in work today." HER: "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you dear." HIM: "OK darling, but as I've got no time now, just give me the good news." HER: "Well, the air bag works." |
09-14-2012, 04:58 AM | #5338 |
The Grand Mouse 高貴的老鼠
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09-14-2012, 09:26 AM | #5339 |
binomial: homo legentem
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09-14-2012, 02:49 PM | #5340 |
The Grand Mouse 高貴的老鼠
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