Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 404

GeoffC · 02-10-2013, 11:15 AM

Fictionwise & B&N ....

Fbone · 02-10-2013, 07:03 PM

Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.

74Cuda · 02-11-2013, 01:14 PM

On a bitterly cold winter's morning a husband and wife, in Minneapolis, were listening to the radio during breakfast.

They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so snowplows can get through conveniently".

So, the good wife went out and moved her car as instructed.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through."

The good wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park......." Then the power went off.

The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?"

Then, with all the love and understanding in his voice that men who are married to blondes always exhibit, the husband replied, "Why don't you just leave the car in the garage this time?"

Fbone · 02-11-2013, 05:23 PM

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.

kennyc · 02-12-2013, 07:02 AM

Stitchawl · 02-12-2013, 07:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kennyc

GeoffC · 02-12-2013, 07:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

orlok · 02-12-2013, 08:29 AM

^ Karma for that one

Freeshadow · 02-12-2013, 08:59 AM

Wookie time

GeoffC · 02-12-2013, 09:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kennyc

How does that square with the recent drilling of two holes for samples

din155 · 02-12-2013, 10:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GeoffC

How does that square with the recent drilling of two holes for samples

Liquid Crystal Display!

yhamm · 02-12-2013, 01:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cromag

(Skipping up ...)

Duck nuggets?

You're right - that is a duck! Guess I should pay more attention next time

Iznogood · 02-12-2013, 02:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by din155

Liquid Crystal Display!

There are no liquids on Mars

Pookeysgirl · 02-12-2013, 03:54 PM

A golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him. Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him

'Arrgh! What happened?' the Leprechaun asked.

'I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball,' the golfer says.

'Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?'

'Thank God, you're all right!' the golfer answers in relief. 'I don't want anything,

I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologize.' And the golfer walks off.

'What a nice guy,' the Leprechaun says to himself. I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things I would want. A `great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life.'

A year goes by and the golfer is back. On the same hole, he surprisingly hits a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him.

'Twas me that made ye hit the ball here, 'the little guy says. 'I just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?'

'My game is fantastic!' the golfer answers. I'm an internationally famous golfer now.' He adds, 'By the way, it's good to see you're all right.'

'Oh, I'm fine now, thank ye. I did that fer yer golf game, you know. And tell me, how's yer money situation?'

'Why, it's just wonderful!' the golfer states. 'When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out 100 euro notes I didn't even know were there!'

'I did that fer ye also.' And tell me, how's yer sex life?'

The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, 'It's OK.'

C'mon, c'mon now,' urged the Leprechaun, 'I'm wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a week?'

Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers, 'Once, sometimes twice a week.'

'What??' responds the Leprechaun in shock. 'That's all? Only once or twice a week?'

'Well,' says the golfer, 'I figure that's not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish.’

yvanleterrible · 02-12-2013, 09:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kennyc

"Mars Needs Moms" By Disney.

Drats! I've just dated my maturity level!

02-12-2013, 08:59 AM	#6054
Freeshadow temp. out of service Posts: 2,791 Karma: 24285242 Join Date: May 2010 Location: Duisburg (DE) Device: PB 623	Wookie time Attached Thumbnails

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02-10-2013, 11:15 AM	#6046
GeoffC Chocolate Grasshopper ... Posts: 27,600 Karma: 20821184 Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Scotland Device: Muse HD , Cybook Gen3 , Pocketbook 302 (Black) , Nexus 10: wife has PW	Fictionwise & B&N ....

02-10-2013, 07:03 PM	#6047
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.

02-11-2013, 01:14 PM	#6048
74Cuda MaxPuppy Rules Posts: 31,418 Karma: 31670648 Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: NW Oregon Device: Kindle Fire 8.9 HDX Kindle 3, Kindle Fire, Kindle Fire HD, Acer A200	On a bitterly cold winter's morning a husband and wife, in Minneapolis, were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so snowplows can get through conveniently". So, the good wife went out and moved her car as instructed. A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." The good wife went out and moved her car again. The next week they are again having breakfast when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park......." Then the power went off. The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?" Then, with all the love and understanding in his voice that men who are married to blondes always exhibit, the husband replied, "Why don't you just leave the car in the garage this time?"

02-11-2013, 05:23 PM	#6049
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.

02-12-2013, 07:02 AM	#6050
kennyc The Dank Side of the Moon Posts: 35,872 Karma: 118716293 Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Denver, CO Device: Kindle2; Kindle Fire

02-12-2013, 08:29 AM	#6053
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	^ Karma for that one

02-12-2013, 03:54 PM	#6059
Pookeysgirl Wizard Posts: 1,705 Karma: 12696746 Join Date: May 2010 Device: K3, Kobo Mini	A golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him. Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him 'Arrgh! What happened?' the Leprechaun asked. 'I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball,' the golfer says. 'Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?' 'Thank God, you're all right!' the golfer answers in relief. 'I don't want anything, I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologize.' And the golfer walks off. 'What a nice guy,' the Leprechaun says to himself. I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things I would want. A `great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life.' A year goes by and the golfer is back. On the same hole, he surprisingly hits a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him. 'Twas me that made ye hit the ball here, 'the little guy says. 'I just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?' 'My game is fantastic!' the golfer answers. I'm an internationally famous golfer now.' He adds, 'By the way, it's good to see you're all right.' 'Oh, I'm fine now, thank ye. I did that fer yer golf game, you know. And tell me, how's yer money situation?' 'Why, it's just wonderful!' the golfer states. 'When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out 100 euro notes I didn't even know were there!' 'I did that fer ye also.' And tell me, how's yer sex life?' The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, 'It's OK.' C'mon, c'mon now,' urged the Leprechaun, 'I'm wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a week?' Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers, 'Once, sometimes twice a week.' 'What??' responds the Leprechaun in shock. 'That's all? Only once or twice a week?' 'Well,' says the golfer, 'I figure that's not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish.’