Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 354

icantbebothered · 08-30-2012, 03:25 PM

Precisely.

steven522 · 08-30-2012, 03:28 PM

Humane Society Notice:

Up for adoption: a lovable cat that was recently removed from the laboratory of a noted physicist. The animal was abused repeatedly, having been exposed to poisonous gas and also being placed in close proximity to radioactivity. The cat is recovering nicely, however.

Freeshadow · 08-30-2012, 04:46 PM

How did Hairy Potter get his scar?
It was a shipping mistake; he had ordered "more clay".

Fbone · 08-30-2012, 09:23 PM

On a front door: Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog.

orlok · 09-01-2012, 06:37 AM

Stitchawl · 09-01-2012, 08:11 PM

Stitchawl

Wetdogeared · 09-01-2012, 10:03 PM

Nexutix · 09-03-2012, 12:07 PM

Three people get stranded on an island. They think they're alone but get caught by an indigenous people. The indigenous people tell the three men that they only way they will permit the men to survive is if the men go into the woods and bring back 10 pieces of fruit.
The men say, ok that doesn't sound too bad. They run into the woods for a while and eventually the first man comes back. He has his arms full with apples. He drops on the sand and says, "Here's your apples, please let me live!" The tribespeople say that there are two parts to survival. The man is told he must put all 10 pieces of fruit up his bum without making any facial expressions or sounds. The man looks horrified, but in the name of survival, he begins. 1...2... and he bursts out crying in pain. The tribespeople kill him on the spot.
A little later the second man comes running up. He has 10 grapes in his hands, and after hearing what he must do, he begins putting them in his bum. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9... and he BURSTS out laughing. He is killed on the spot.
Now up in heaven, the first man sees the second man and goes "Hey, I was watching you, why didn't you just control yourself for a few more seconds so you could get that last grape and live??" The second man replies, "I couldn't help myself, I saw the third guy running over with pineapples."

icantbebothered · 09-03-2012, 01:00 PM

Three men are on a small plane: an Irishman, an Englishman and an Afghanistaniman(is that a word?). The plane starts tilting downwards, and the pilot says it is overloaded so each person has to throw something out.
The Irishman throws a bottle of whisky out of the window and says"We have to many of those in our country".
The Englishman throws a chav out of the window and says"We have too many of those in our country".
And the Afghanistani throws the Englishman out of the window and says"We have too many of those in our country".

icantbebothered · 09-03-2012, 01:01 PM

(duplicate)

Fbone · 09-03-2012, 03:41 PM

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Most poems rhyme
This one doesn't

Stitchawl · 09-03-2012, 07:37 PM

Stitchawl

WT Sharpe · 09-03-2012, 09:56 PM

Autocorrect can be a writer's best friend or her worst enema.

Kumabjorn · 09-04-2012, 12:15 AM

Where do you keep your phone?

orlok · 09-04-2012, 06:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WT Sharpe

Autocorrect can be a writer's best friend or her worst enema.

Like the new avatar Tom. Now all together..."Da dum te diddly dum ta dum, da dum te diddly dum ta dum, dum te dum dum, dum te dum dum..." etc.

09-03-2012, 01:01 PM	#5305
icantbebothered Penguin Posts: 1,017 Karma: 4742434 Join Date: Jul 2012 Device: Kindle Touch 5.3.2.1	(duplicate) Last edited by icantbebothered; 09-03-2012 at 01:10 PM.

09-03-2012, 07:37 PM	#5307
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 12,344 Karma: 187123287 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy	Stitchawl Attached Thumbnails

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08-30-2012, 03:25 PM	#5296
icantbebothered Penguin Posts: 1,017 Karma: 4742434 Join Date: Jul 2012 Device: Kindle Touch 5.3.2.1	Precisely.

08-30-2012, 03:28 PM	#5297
steven522 binomial: homo legentem Posts: 1,061 Karma: 25222222 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Alabama, USA Device: iriver Story HD; Archos 80 G9	Humane Society Notice: Up for adoption: a lovable cat that was recently removed from the laboratory of a noted physicist. The animal was abused repeatedly, having been exposed to poisonous gas and also being placed in close proximity to radioactivity. The cat is recovering nicely, however.

08-30-2012, 04:46 PM	#5298
Freeshadow temp. out of service Posts: 2,793 Karma: 24285242 Join Date: May 2010 Location: Duisburg (DE) Device: PB 623	How did Hairy Potter get his scar? It was a shipping mistake; he had ordered "more clay".

08-30-2012, 09:23 PM	#5299
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	On a front door: Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog.

09-01-2012, 06:37 AM	#5300
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"

09-01-2012, 08:11 PM	#5301
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 12,344 Karma: 187123287 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy	Stitchawl

09-01-2012, 10:03 PM	#5302
Wetdogeared Storm Surge'n Posts: 5,776 Karma: 8213195 Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Lobster Capital Device: S0ny PRS-300/350/505/700/T1

09-03-2012, 12:07 PM	#5303
Nexutix Reading and reading Posts: 582 Karma: 8250144 Join Date: Oct 2010 Device: Infibeam Pi, iPod Touch 4G, iPad Air 2, iPad mini 2, Oneplus One	Three people get stranded on an island. They think they're alone but get caught by an indigenous people. The indigenous people tell the three men that they only way they will permit the men to survive is if the men go into the woods and bring back 10 pieces of fruit. The men say, ok that doesn't sound too bad. They run into the woods for a while and eventually the first man comes back. He has his arms full with apples. He drops on the sand and says, "Here's your apples, please let me live!" The tribespeople say that there are two parts to survival. The man is told he must put all 10 pieces of fruit up his bum without making any facial expressions or sounds. The man looks horrified, but in the name of survival, he begins. 1...2... and he bursts out crying in pain. The tribespeople kill him on the spot. A little later the second man comes running up. He has 10 grapes in his hands, and after hearing what he must do, he begins putting them in his bum. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9... and he BURSTS out laughing. He is killed on the spot. Now up in heaven, the first man sees the second man and goes "Hey, I was watching you, why didn't you just control yourself for a few more seconds so you could get that last grape and live??" The second man replies, "I couldn't help myself, I saw the third guy running over with pineapples."

09-03-2012, 01:00 PM	#5304
icantbebothered Penguin Posts: 1,017 Karma: 4742434 Join Date: Jul 2012 Device: Kindle Touch 5.3.2.1	Three men are on a small plane: an Irishman, an Englishman and an Afghanistaniman(is that a word?). The plane starts tilting downwards, and the pilot says it is overloaded so each person has to throw something out. The Irishman throws a bottle of whisky out of the window and says"We have to many of those in our country". The Englishman throws a chav out of the window and says"We have too many of those in our country". And the Afghanistani throws the Englishman out of the window and says"We have too many of those in our country".

09-03-2012, 03:41 PM	#5306
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Roses are red Violets are blue Most poems rhyme This one doesn't

09-03-2012, 09:56 PM	#5308
WT Sharpe Bah, humbug! Posts: 39,073 Karma: 157049943 Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Chesapeake, VA, USA Device: Kindle Oasis, iPad Pro, & a Samsung Galaxy S9.	Autocorrect can be a writer's best friend or her worst enema.

09-04-2012, 12:15 AM	#5309
Kumabjorn Basculocolpic Posts: 4,356 Karma: 20181319 Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Sweden Device: Kindle 3 WiFi, Kindle 4SO, Kindle for Android, Sony PRS-350 and PRS-T1	Where do you keep your phone?