User Poetry

[Vandy]

Hi, Caleb.

Your Untitled is very nice and I'm sure a wonderful present for your wife.

Your word imagery is great -- I especially like the "As I fall into you, one drop at a time" couplet. Beautiful.

If I may offer some advice and I hope I am not "stepping on your toes", I think the second stanza would read better something like this:

"See me let go
And fly like an eagle.
The higher I soar
The longer I'm with you...

One day at a time."

Just my thoughts. I really enjoyed this and thank you very much for sharing.

Regards,

[TrineDaely]

Okay, I'll toss one of my shorter ones out there. All copyright applies, blah blah boilerplate, you know the drill, yes it's from my book. Hope y'all don't bite too hard.
*takes a deep breath and makes a "toss the bait way out there" motion*


HOUR OF THE STRANGER

And lo! behold the midnight hour
where rises the melancholy moon
And doth shine forth with all her power
above the dismal, misty gloom

The clouds below, they fold like cards
that of which being catatonic
The light bleeds shadows, like cuts from shards
as if someone had sat upon it

Above the heavens, little beads of light
as they shine in their distant, starry abode
Sending out in their code, their freedom's delight
to the lone stranger watching from the road.

[kennyc]

Well done!

[GeoffC]

Nicely done - I stumble a little on the second stanza, but the imagery is good. Thanks for sharing.

[GeoffC]

Turbines Without Power

turbines tread the land and sail upon the sea;
the air becalmed,
no breeze to shift and turn the blades on high,
no surge of life to speed along the lines

the nights are cold, the snow is fresh and deep;
the air is calm,
no breeze to turn the hungry sails of power
to melt the ice that forms upon the panes

the days are hot, the sun shines without her shade;
the wind becalmed,
no breeze exists to move the iv’ry twists
and cool the masses slaving at their desks

there’s no power to surge along the lines;
the wind is calm,
no breeze to shift the blades, and drive this day
the spinning of the coils for industry

the toast is on, the kettle too, and lunch is set for twelve;
but idle is the air this day, me thinks the dish be raw.

Business men and women, impatient as they wait;
but where be the wind this day, me thinks they wait in vain.

there’s no wind out there this day
let’s hope the morrow will bring a change
or at least in the weeks to come.

[caleb72]

Originally Posted by Vandy

If I may offer some advice and I hope I am not "stepping on your toes", I think the second stanza would read better something like this:

"See me let go
And fly like an eagle.
The higher I soar
The longer I'm with you...

One day at a time."

Just my thoughts. I really enjoyed this and thank you very much for sharing.

Regards,

No problem.

Actually my toes are vulnerable at the moment because I've been barefoot inside all day and the house is cold - unheated. So stepping on my toes at the moment would be rather painful.

Regards
Caleb

[kennyc]

Originally Posted by GeoffC

Turbines Without Power

turbines tread the land and sail upon the sea;
the air becalmed,
no breeze to shift and turn the blades on high,
no surge of life to speed along the lines

the nights are cold, the snow is fresh and deep;
the air is calm,
no breeze to turn the hungry sails of power
to melt the ice that forms upon the panes

the days are hot, the sun shines without her shade;
the wind becalmed,
no breeze exists to move the iv’ry twists
and cool the masses slaving at their desks

there’s no power to surge along the lines;
the wind is calm,
no breeze to shift the blades, and drive this day
the spinning of the coils for industry

the toast is on, the kettle too, and lunch is set for twelve;
but idle is the air this day, me thinks the dish be raw.

Business men and women, impatient as they wait;
but where be the wind this day, me thinks they wait in vain.

there’s no wind out there this day
let’s hope the morrow will bring a change
or at least in the weeks to come.

Farmers of winds, we are beckon slaves to natures whims whether by choice or chance.

[Vandy]

Hello, All.

@TrineDaely Hour of the Stranger

I've got to be honest with you, I read the first line of this poem and you had me -- hook, line and sinker!

What absolutely GORGEOUS word imagery you've used. The words drip from my ears and make a sweet taste in my mouth. OOOOoooooo!! I got goosebumples reading your piece.l Absolutely excellent and a wonderful poem!


@GeoffC Turbines Without Power

Hmmm... Your piece certainly gets across its point but it was a rough read for me. I found it to be a bit disjointed, although; I did enjoy the layout and repeatative pattern of the first four stanzas.

A very interesting premise, I must say...


Regards,

Vandy

[crich70]

I wrote this one quite a while back.

THE HORN

In fairy lands of long ago,
a horn did blow, both long and low.

The horn of battle it was called,
to rouse the soldiers of the elvish king.

It through hill and dell did ring,
over mountain tall and valley deep.

As over the land foul evil creeped.
It called to arms the forces of good.

From water, fire, earth and wood,
came they all to the battle ground.

Came to whield the sword and pound the ground,
with their war horses fair.

For days and nights they did fight,
applying all their god like might.

Staining the ground with their fairest blood,
to stem the tide of evil's flood.

Til finally the invader was driven back,
to the nothingingness from whence it came.

They have now gone, but will return,
if the land again shall burn.

[kennyc]

Well done!

[crich70]

Thanks.

Originally Posted by kennyc

Well done!

[GeoffC]

crich

Nicely done ....

[crich70]

Thanks GeoffC. I've thought of expanding it to something longer in the past but have never quite gotten round to figuring out any details.

Originally Posted by GeoffC

crich

Nicely done ....

[caleb72]

Cool@crich70.

I wouldn't mind trying my hand at epic poetry. Actually I might have just made that term up but I'm thinking of the poetry which is really a ballad or story. I think I might have a first attempt somewhere at home. I'll see if I can dig it up.

[crich70]

Thanks caleb72. Actually the idea of Epic Poetry goes way back in history. The Epic of Gilgamesh is epic poetry for example. Wikipedia defines it as

a lengthy narrative poem, ordinarily concerning a serious subject containing details of heroic deeds and events significant to a culture or nation.

Originally Posted by caleb72

Cool@crich70.

I wouldn't mind trying my hand at epic poetry. Actually I might have just made that term up but I'm thinking of the poetry which is really a ballad or story. I think I might have a first attempt somewhere at home. I'll see if I can dig it up.