Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 362

WT Sharpe · 10-03-2012, 04:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by steven522

I groaned so loud after reading this one, a co-worker ran in with a bat ready to kill zombies.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Freeshadow

Who won the fight?

I imagine the zombies ate the bat's brains. The real question is where does steven522 work that his co-workers have such ready access to flying mammals?

steven522 · 10-03-2012, 05:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WT Sharpe

I imagine the zombies ate the bat's brains. The real question is where does steven522 work that his co-workers have such ready access to flying mammals?

The Vampire State Building

Iznogood · 10-03-2012, 06:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Freeshadow

Who won the fight?

Zombies always win

Fbone · 10-03-2012, 09:37 PM

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

Fbone · 10-04-2012, 10:43 PM

If a man stands in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?

Bookpossum · 10-05-2012, 03:46 AM

Of course he is!

yvanleterrible · 10-05-2012, 03:16 PM

Drats! They can always hear us!...

Fbone · 10-05-2012, 04:05 PM

Is there another word for synonym?

pilotbob · 10-05-2012, 06:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

Is there another word for synonym?

According to dictionary.com

equivalent, metonym

BOb

Fbone · 10-05-2012, 09:21 PM

Me and my recliner - we go WAY back.

Nexutix · 10-06-2012, 04:38 AM

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

‘Good morning,’ said the young man. ‘If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners . ‘

‘Go away!’ said the old lady. ‘I’m broke and haven’t got any money!’ and she proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. ‘Don’t be too hasty!’ he said. ‘Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.’ And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. ‘If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.’

The old lady stepped back and said, ‘Well let me get you a fork, ’cause they cut off my electricity this morning.

Nexutix · 10-06-2012, 04:46 AM

Continued...

After his horrible meal, he went to another house, which was in fact a farm house. He checked the electricity was still on, and then knocked at the door.

He went through his spiel again to the farmer's wife who had answered the door, but said "I no longer have anything to demonstrate with, but with this being a farm, perhaps you have some wheat or something?" The farmer's wife found a sack of wheat, and he took a handful of it and threw it on the ground. However, try as he might, the high-powered vacuum cleaner simply would not clean it up! He got a little frustrated, then looked at the wheat and noticed it was a little damp. He thought for a moment, and as he was thinking he noticed another sack that had been sitting by the radiator in the hallway. He asked the farmer's wife if he could try with that wheat instead.

She rolled her eyes, and said "OK... but this is your last chance". He took some of the wheat from the new sack, and poured it onto the floor, and the vacuum cleaner cleaned it all up without any issues! The farmer's wife was delighted and bought one right there!

The moral of the story is: If at first you don't suck seed, try drier grain.

Nexutix · 10-06-2012, 04:51 AM

Another one.

Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft office, I will find him. You have my Word.

orlok · 10-06-2012, 05:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nexutix

Another one.

Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft office, I will find him. You have my Word.

Wanted to give you more k, but can't at the moment.

Freeshadow · 10-06-2012, 08:06 AM

I know I read a news about a newly patented universal screwdriver, but I don't remember which company made it.

It's probably Microsoft.
If there is somebody out there, able to write a driver that could screw up the entire universe, it would be them.

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10-03-2012, 09:37 PM	#5419
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

10-04-2012, 10:43 PM	#5420
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	If a man stands in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?

10-05-2012, 03:46 AM	#5421
Bookpossum Snoozing in the sun Posts: 10,137 Karma: 115423645 Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Melbourne, Australia Device: iPad Mini, Kobo Touch	Of course he is!

10-05-2012, 03:16 PM	#5422
yvanleterrible Reborn Paper User Posts: 8,616 Karma: 15446734 Join Date: May 2006 Location: Que Nada Device: iPhone8, iPad Air	Drats! They can always hear us!...

10-05-2012, 04:05 PM	#5423
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Is there another word for synonym?

10-05-2012, 09:21 PM	#5425
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	Me and my recliner - we go WAY back.

10-06-2012, 04:38 AM	#5426
Nexutix Reading and reading Posts: 582 Karma: 8250144 Join Date: Oct 2010 Device: Infibeam Pi, iPod Touch 4G, iPad Air 2, iPad mini 2, Oneplus One	A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. ‘Good morning,’ said the young man. ‘If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners . ‘ ‘Go away!’ said the old lady. ‘I’m broke and haven’t got any money!’ and she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. ‘Don’t be too hasty!’ he said. ‘Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.’ And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. ‘If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.’ The old lady stepped back and said, ‘Well let me get you a fork, ’cause they cut off my electricity this morning.

10-06-2012, 04:46 AM	#5427
Nexutix Reading and reading Posts: 582 Karma: 8250144 Join Date: Oct 2010 Device: Infibeam Pi, iPod Touch 4G, iPad Air 2, iPad mini 2, Oneplus One	Continued... After his horrible meal, he went to another house, which was in fact a farm house. He checked the electricity was still on, and then knocked at the door. He went through his spiel again to the farmer's wife who had answered the door, but said "I no longer have anything to demonstrate with, but with this being a farm, perhaps you have some wheat or something?" The farmer's wife found a sack of wheat, and he took a handful of it and threw it on the ground. However, try as he might, the high-powered vacuum cleaner simply would not clean it up! He got a little frustrated, then looked at the wheat and noticed it was a little damp. He thought for a moment, and as he was thinking he noticed another sack that had been sitting by the radiator in the hallway. He asked the farmer's wife if he could try with that wheat instead. She rolled her eyes, and said "OK... but this is your last chance". He took some of the wheat from the new sack, and poured it onto the floor, and the vacuum cleaner cleaned it all up without any issues! The farmer's wife was delighted and bought one right there! The moral of the story is: If at first you don't suck seed, try drier grain.

10-06-2012, 04:51 AM	#5428
Nexutix Reading and reading Posts: 582 Karma: 8250144 Join Date: Oct 2010 Device: Infibeam Pi, iPod Touch 4G, iPad Air 2, iPad mini 2, Oneplus One	Another one. Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft office, I will find him. You have my Word.

10-06-2012, 08:06 AM	#5430
Freeshadow temp. out of service Posts: 2,791 Karma: 24285242 Join Date: May 2010 Location: Duisburg (DE) Device: PB 623	I know I read a news about a newly patented universal screwdriver, but I don't remember which company made it. It's probably Microsoft. If there is somebody out there, able to write a driver that could screw up the entire universe, it would be them.