Unutterably Silly Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day

[alansplace]

[drjd]

After a thorough investigation, a rich gangster finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of $10 million bucks. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he might have to testify about in court.

When the mobster goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer 'Ask him where the $10 million bucks he embezzled from me is'. The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper: "Where is the money?"

The bookkeeper signs back: 'I don't know what you are talking about'. The attorney tells the gangster: 'He says he doesn't know what you're talking about'.

The gangster pulls out a pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple and says, 'Ask him again!' The attorney signs to the bookkeeper: 'He'll kill you if you don't tell him!'

The bookkeeper signs back: 'OK! OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!'

The Godfather asks the attorney: 'Well, what'd he say?'

'He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger.'

[alansplace]

[PoP]

^ @drjd

If I were the deaf bookkeeper, I would not have taken any chance with a lawyer, I would have voiced my reply to the mobster.

Spoiler:

nobody said the bookkeeper was also mute

[drjd]

Originally Posted by PoP

^ @drjd

If I were the deaf bookkeeper, I would not have taken any chance with a lawyer, I would have voiced my reply to the mobster.

Spoiler:

nobody said the bookkeeper was also mute

Wise idea, PoP! The bookkeeper was not used to with guns!
---------------------

A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"

"What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine."

The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."

"Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."

"Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this pirate hook, and I feel great, really."

"Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes."

"Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them pooped in my eye."

"So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird poop!"

"Well," says the pirate, "I wasn't really used to the hook yet..."

[alansplace]

[Andy_T]

I think that last joke is offensive to Chinese people.

[orlok]

Originally Posted by Andy_T

I think that last joke is offensive to Chinese people.

Why?

[pdurrant]

Originally Posted by orlok

Why?

I think he's referring to the common confusion between R and L by people whose first language doesn't make a distinction between those phonemes.

But if he wants the mods to consider his complaint, he should report the post, not comment on it in a non-discussion thread.

[orlok]

Originally Posted by pdurrant

I think he's referring to the common confusion between R and L by people whose first language doesn't make a distinction between those phonemes.

But if he wants the mods to consider his complaint, he should report the post, not comment on it in a non-discussion thread.

Understood, but I didn't read it that way at all. I just see it as a word play on the Pirates of the Caribbean film title, nothing to do with pronunciation.

[Bilbo1967]

Isn't it possible that Andy_T was joking himself, that being the point of this thread?

[pdurrant]

Originally Posted by Bilbo1967

Isn't it possible that Andy_T was joking himself, that being the point of this thread?

Possible. But if so, that's one of the few times a smiley is actually required.

[Bilbo1967]

Originally Posted by pdurrant

Possible. But if so, that's one of the few times a smiley is actually required.

Yes - why on earth would anyone assume that a remark was meant humorously in a thread entitled "Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day"?

Spoiler:

[orlok]

Originally Posted by Bilbo1967

Yes - why on earth would anyone assume that a remark was meant humorously in a thread entitled "Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day"?

Spoiler:

Because if you make a statement potentially accusing someone of posting racist material, then you really need to make your intent clear.

Now, back on topic:

A man told the ringmaster that he was interested in joining the circus as a lion tamer. The ringmaster asked if he had any experience and the man said, "Why, yes. My father was one of the most famous lion tamers in the world, and he taught me everything he knew."

"Really?" said the ringmaster. "Did he teach you how to make a lion jump through a flaming hoop?"

"Yes he did," the man replied.

"And did he teach you how to have six lions form a pyramid?"

"Yes he did," the man replied.

"And have you ever stuck your head in a lion's mouth?"

"Just once," the man replied.

The ringmaster asked, "Why only once?"

"I was looking for my father."

[PoP]

Finding an old oil lamp, a man decided to rub it just to see...

Poof! The proverbial genie appeared offering him to satisfy two of his wishes.

"What would you like for your first wish?" asked the genie

"Hmmm, I would like a bottle of beer that never empties" answered the man.

A big bottle of beer then materializes from thin air. The man drinks a sip, then a gulp, and yet another one. After an hour at it, he looked with elation at the bottle which was still completely full.

Somewhat impatient, the genie finally asked "What would you like now for your second wish?"

And the man said "I'd like another one".