06-14-2013, 08:53 PM | #6631 |
Opsimath
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If your cat had narcolepsy, how would you ever know?
Stitchawl |
06-15-2013, 07:39 AM | #6632 |
Close to the Edit!
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Location: UK
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06-15-2013, 02:21 PM | #6633 |
Is that a sandwich?
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If you watch Jaws backwards, it’s about a shark who throws up so many people, they have to open a beach.
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06-15-2013, 03:03 PM | #6634 |
Wizard
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06-16-2013, 05:15 AM | #6635 |
Treachery of images ...
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HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD? WELL......YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE!
MY NAME IS ALICE SMITH AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DENTAL DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY SECONDARY SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO. COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN? UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT. THIS BALDING, GREY HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS FAR TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE. AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK SECONDARY SCHOOL . 'YES, YES I DID. I'M A MORGANNER! 'HE BEAMED WITH PRIDE. 'WHEN DID YOU LEAVE TO GO TO COLLEGE?' I ASKED HE ANSWERED, IN 1965.. WHY DO YOU ASK? 'YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!' I EXCLAIMED. HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY. THEN THE UGLY, OLD, BALD, WRINKLED, FAT ARSED, GREY HAIRED, DECREPIT, BASTARD ASKED.. 'WHAT DID YOU TEACH?' |
06-16-2013, 04:17 PM | #6636 |
Is that a sandwich?
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I do ten sit ups every morning. It might not sound like much but there are only so many times you can hit the snooze button.
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06-17-2013, 05:06 AM | #6637 |
Close to the Edit!
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Location: UK
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06-17-2013, 04:21 PM | #6638 |
Is that a sandwich?
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“Dad, are bugs good to eat?” asked the boy.
“Let’s not talk about such things at the dinner table, son,” his father replied. After dinner the father inquired, “Now, son, what did you want to ask me?” “Oh, nothing,” the boy said. “There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone.” |
06-18-2013, 01:16 PM | #6639 |
Is that a sandwich?
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I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: - "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."
- Eleanor Roosevelt |
06-18-2013, 03:47 PM | #6640 |
Grand Sorcerer
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06-19-2013, 12:48 PM | #6641 |
Is that a sandwich?
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I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. - Zsa Zsa Gabor
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06-19-2013, 03:43 PM | #6642 |
Grand Sorcerer
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06-19-2013, 03:45 PM | #6643 |
Grand Sorcerer
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Location: Harrisburg outskirts
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06-19-2013, 08:43 PM | #6644 | |
Bah, humbug!
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Quote:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/new...d-6-day,29588/ You have now joined the increasing number of people who have been taken in by The Onion! |
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06-20-2013, 06:02 AM | #6645 | |
Reborn Paper User
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Quote:
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