Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 625

orlok · 08-26-2016, 04:02 AM

Groan and double groan!

orlok · 08-26-2016, 04:03 AM

Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.
They both met with an angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.

The angel said "Unfortunately, there's only one space in Heaven today so I must decide which of one of you will be admitted."
The Angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.

Dolly took off her top and said, "Look at these, they're the most perfect pair God ever created and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."
The Angel thanked Dolly, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question.

The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushed it without saying a word. The Angel immediately said, "OK, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven."
Dolly was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a toilet and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?

"Sorry, Dolly," said the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are."

Nate the great · 08-26-2016, 09:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

"Sorry, Dolly," said the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are."

groan

that is so bad I have fled the room.

orlok · 08-26-2016, 09:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nate the great

groan

that is so bad I have fled the room.

I though one good groan deserved another.

John K · 08-26-2016, 09:34 AM

Mr. Sharp started it so go hurt him!

These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds.

Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair.

He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.
He went back and begged the friars to close.

They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close.

Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.

Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

PoP · 08-26-2016, 04:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WT Sharpe

I have a feeling someone might want to hurt me for posting this.
[snip picture]

LOL!

Quote:

Originally Posted by John K

Mr. Sharp started [...snip] , and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

ROTFL!!

yvanleterrible · 08-26-2016, 08:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WT Sharpe

I have a feeling someone might want to hurt me for posting this.

Still like you, Tom!

WT Sharpe · 08-26-2016, 08:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yvanleterrible

Still like you, Tom!

That's good to know!

PieMan597 · 08-27-2016, 10:34 PM

An old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with passing gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too much. It never smells and it’s always silent.

As a matter of fact I’ve passed gas at least 20 times since I’ve been here in your office.

You didn’t know I was passing gas because it doesn’t smell and it’s silent."

The doctor says "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week."

The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don’t know what you gave me, but now my passing gas… although still silent, it stinks terribly."

"Good", the doctor said, "now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, we’ll start to work on your hearing."

John K · 08-29-2016, 09:45 AM

.

Eat one live toad first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

drjd · 08-30-2016, 10:35 AM

Mom was trying to get her son to get out of bed and get ready for school. "I am not going to school!" the son responded defiantly.

"Why not?" Mom wanted to know.

"Well, first of all I hate school and second of all ..the kid all hate me!!" was the answer.

"Son, that's not good reasons..you will have to get up and ready for school!" Mom replied.

"Well, give me two good reasons why I should," the son said.

"Well," Mom said quietly, "First of all you are 52 years old and second of all...You are the Principal."

orlok · 09-02-2016, 07:45 AM

Click image for larger version

Name: george-takei-tweet.jpg
Views: 252
Size: 32.4 KB
ID: 151338

Bookpossum · 09-02-2016, 07:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

Attachment 151338

Oh dear!

issybird · 09-05-2016, 10:11 AM

.....

John K · 09-05-2016, 07:52 PM

In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:

"Before you signed the death certificate, did you take the pulse, listen to the heart or check for breathing?"

"No."

"So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?"

"Well, the man's brain was in a jar on my desk, but I suppose he could have still been practicing law for a living."

09-05-2016, 10:11 AM	#9374
issybird o saeclum infacetum Posts: 20,210 Karma: 222235366 Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: New England Device: H2O, Aura One, PW5	..... Attached Thumbnails

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08-26-2016, 04:02 AM	#9361
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	Groan and double groan!

08-26-2016, 04:03 AM	#9362
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"	Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day. They both met with an angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven. The angel said "Unfortunately, there's only one space in Heaven today so I must decide which of one of you will be admitted." The Angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Dolly took off her top and said, "Look at these, they're the most perfect pair God ever created and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity." The Angel thanked Dolly, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question. The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushed it without saying a word. The Angel immediately said, "OK, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven." Dolly was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a toilet and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me? "Sorry, Dolly," said the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are."

08-26-2016, 09:34 AM	#9365
John K Reader Posts: 266 Karma: 13465550 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: USA Device: Kindle DXG, Kobo Forma	Mr. Sharp started it so go hurt him! These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

08-27-2016, 10:34 PM	#9369
PieMan597 Still a pie Posts: 6,285 Karma: 37018654 Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: PieTown USA Device: Kindle Touch, OnePlus 7 Pro	An old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with passing gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too much. It never smells and it’s always silent. As a matter of fact I’ve passed gas at least 20 times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t know I was passing gas because it doesn’t smell and it’s silent." The doctor says "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week." The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don’t know what you gave me, but now my passing gas… although still silent, it stinks terribly." "Good", the doctor said, "now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, we’ll start to work on your hearing."

08-29-2016, 09:45 AM	#9370
John K Reader Posts: 266 Karma: 13465550 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: USA Device: Kindle DXG, Kobo Forma	. Eat one live toad first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

08-30-2016, 10:35 AM	#9371
drjd The Couch Potato Posts: 34,509 Karma: 230999999 Join Date: Aug 2015 Device: Kobo Glo, Kobo Touch, Archos 9, Onyx Boox C67ML Carta	Mom was trying to get her son to get out of bed and get ready for school. "I am not going to school!" the son responded defiantly. "Why not?" Mom wanted to know. "Well, first of all I hate school and second of all ..the kid all hate me!!" was the answer. "Son, that's not good reasons..you will have to get up and ready for school!" Mom replied. "Well, give me two good reasons why I should," the son said. "Well," Mom said quietly, "First of all you are 52 years old and second of all...You are the Principal."

09-02-2016, 07:45 AM	#9372
orlok Close to the Edit! Posts: 9,797 Karma: 267994408 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis, Amazon Fire 8", Kindle 6"

09-05-2016, 07:52 PM	#9375
John K Reader Posts: 266 Karma: 13465550 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: USA Device: Kindle DXG, Kobo Forma	In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner: "Before you signed the death certificate, did you take the pulse, listen to the heart or check for breathing?" "No." "So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?" "Well, the man's brain was in a jar on my desk, but I suppose he could have still been practicing law for a living."