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Old 01-08-2016, 03:12 AM   #616
Gudy
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aber, strandwand'rer:
wo bleibt bei 10 und 17
diesmal die 7?
Die siebzehn hat sie.
Bei der Zehn fehlt sie - passt doch.
"wird" muss eins höher.

Die letzten beiden find' ich einfach nur schööön, beachwanderer. :-)
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Old 01-08-2016, 06:43 AM   #617
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Originally Posted by Gudy View Post
Die siebzehn hat sie.
Bei der Zehn fehlt sie - passt doch.
"wird" muss eins höher.
'tschuldigung.
Da muss ich halt noch ein bisschen üben; bis 3 komm ich aber schon ganz gut.
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Old 01-14-2016, 03:48 AM   #618
beachwanderer
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- cat content -


Tauwetterlage
um die Pfütze auf dem Weg
eine Katzenspur


unterm Schuppendach
plötzlich Auge in Auge
pelziger Schrankbesetzer
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Old 01-21-2016, 03:10 AM   #619
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Unter dem Pulverschnee
Zettel, die Schrift zerflossen,
Rechnung? Liebesbrief?
Last edited by beachwanderer; 01-21-2016 at 03:16 AM.
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Old 01-21-2016, 03:11 AM   #620
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Laissez-faire

Schneematsch auf dem Weg?
Unter der Dusche,
summend.
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Old 01-21-2016, 07:08 AM   #621
brucewelch
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so kalt … und auch noch
mangel an liebesbriefen
die wärmen könnten …
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Old 01-28-2016, 02:53 AM   #622
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Der ist schön.


Heute mal zur Abstimmung:

Welche dritte Zeile ist denn besser? Eher nachdenklich oder eher spielerisch?

Tropfen vom Dach
ein Windstoß trieb ihn durchs Fenster

- auf mein Schreibpapier

oder

- in meinen Kaffee

Andere Vorschläge?
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Old 01-28-2016, 03:15 AM   #623
hamlok
Currently Reading
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Hmm

Beide gut!
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Old 01-28-2016, 03:46 AM   #624
doubleshuffle
Unicycle Daredevil
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Beide gut. Mir ist aber auch noch einer eingefallen:

- mach doch ma zu, ey.
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Old 01-28-2016, 03:56 AM   #625
doubleshuffle
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Beim weiteren Nachklingenlassen bin ich eindeutig für das Schreibpapier; damit hätte es so eine Anmutung ans klassische Haiku und man sieht fast die Tinte verlaufen durch den Wassertropfen.

Man könnte natürlich auch eine gesunde Version machen:

- in meinen Smoothie


Aber wieder ernsthaft, als Variation zum Schreibpapier:

- auf diese Zeilen

Das ist aber vielleicht ein bisschen sülzig dann...
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Old 01-29-2016, 02:56 AM   #626
Gudy
Wizard
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Zugegeben, "auf mein Schreibpapier" malt ein schönes Bild und geht am ehesten in die Richtung des klassischen Nachdenk-Anregers. Aber meine persönliche Sympathie gilt eindeutig "in meinen Kaffee". Der spielerisch-selbstironische Anklang liegt mir da einfach mehr.
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Old 02-04-2016, 02:36 AM   #627
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Danke für das Mitdenken.


Viehtränke krängt
über den Wiesenozean
staken kleine Piraten
Last edited by beachwanderer; 02-04-2016 at 02:40 AM. Reason: Vorn und hinten verwechselt
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Old 02-04-2016, 02:56 AM   #628
doubleshuffle
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^

Wow, das ist wirklich klasse!
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Old 02-11-2016, 02:39 AM   #629
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Pathos und Praxis


Banner der Arbeit!
Dachpappfetzen am Schuppen
winkt DICH zum Werkzeug!


In Regen und Sturm
Anker gesetzt, gut vertäut!
Wäscheschnur hält den Zaun.
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Old 02-17-2016, 02:47 AM   #630
Gudy
Wizard
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Aus aktuellem Anlass:

Ein Dutzend Tiere
steht auf dem bereiften Feld.
Rehe? Kraniche!
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