Unutterably Silly Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day

[WT Sharpe]

(Click to enlarge.)

[WT Sharpe]

Grammar tip of the day:

English is easy if you only keep a few simple rules in mind. For example; what is the difference between the pronunciation of the word "read" and the word "read"? It's easy if you keep in mind that "read" rhymes with "lead", while "read" rhymes with "lead."

Thank you. Please pay the man at the door as you leave.

[PoP]

Originally Posted by WT Sharpe

...English is easy ....

So is French ...but not always.

Not for the faint of heart¹:

Spoiler:

À LA FIN, ON SE PERD DANS LA MER




Monsieur Lamerre, de Mamers, a épousé mademoiselle Lepère, de Samer.

L'union de cette paire ne fut point amère: les époux s'aimèrent
et furent bientôt en nombre impair. Il leur naquit un fils qui,
plus tard, devint maire.

Partant de ce point de repère, on trouve cette situation:
monsieur, c'est le père et madame, c'est la mère; monsieur est
Lamerre et madame est Lepère.

Le père, quoique père, est resté Lamerre; mais la mère, avant
d'être Lamerre, était bien Lepère.

Le père est donc le père sans être Lepère puisqu'll est Lamerre;
et cependant le père Lamerre n'est ni pair ni maire.

Le père est devenu Lamerre-Lepère, de Mamers, en épousant la
fille Lepère, de Samer, et la mère, de fille Lepère, de Samer
qu'elle était, est devenue Madame Lamerre, de Mamers.

Le fils est le fils Lamerre, maire de Samer.

Si le père Lepère meurt, la mère quitte Lamerre et le père
Lamerre-Lepère la perd.

Le fils quitte Samer et rejoint le père à Mamers; et les deux
Lamerre se rendent à la mer!

¹ Though french speaking people have no trouble reading that story, I never knew anybody that could write it in dictation.

[yvanleterrible]

Originally Posted by PoP

So is French ...but not always.

Not for the faint of heart¹:

Spoiler:

À LA FIN, ON SE PERD DANS LA MER




Monsieur Lamerre, de Mamers, a épousé mademoiselle Lepère,
de Samer.

L'union de cette paire ne fut point amère: les époux s'aimèrent
et furent bientôt en nombre impair. Il leur naquit un fils qui,
plus tard, devint maire.

Partant de ce point de repère, on trouve cette situation:
monsieur, c'est le père et madame, c'est la mère; monsieur est
Lamerre et madame est Lepère.

Le père, quoique père, est resté Lamerre; mais la mère, avant
d'être Lamerre, était bien Lepère.

Le père est donc le père sans être Lepère puisqu'll est Lamerre;
et cependant le père Lamerre n'est ni pair ni maire.

Le père est devenu Lamerre-Lepère, de Mamers, en épousant la
fille Lepère, de Samer, et la mère, de fille Lepère, de Samer
qu'elle était, est devenue Madame Lamerre, de Mamers.

Le fils est le fils Lamerre, maire de Samer.

Si le père Lepère meurt, la mère quitte Lamerre et le père
Lamerre-Lepère la perd.

Le fils quitte Samer et rejoint le père à Mamers; et les deux
Lamerre se rendent à la mer!

¹ Though french speaking people have no trouble reading that story, I never knew anybody that could write it in dictation.

C'est vraiment tordu ton truc. Je te rappellerais que c'est un site familial, ici... et traditionnel avec ça

Marrant, tout ça. Y'en à qu'y'ont rien à faire!

[Bookpossum]

It's that cat again!

[Stitchawl]

Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old,
but they know they are in love.
One day they decide that they want to get married,
so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.

Bruce bravely walks up to him and says,
"Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love
and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."

Thinking that this was just the cutest darn thing,
Mr. Smith replies,
"Well Bruce, you are only 10..
Where will you two live?"

Without even taking a moment to think about it,
Bruce replies,
"In Jenny's room.
It's bigger than mine
and we can both fit there nicely."
Mr. Smith says with a huge grin,
"Okay, then how will you live?
You're not old enough to get a job.
You'll need to support Jenny."

Again, Bruce instantly replies, "Our allowance,
Jenny makes five bucks a week
and I make 10 bucks a week.
That's about 60 bucks a month,
so that should do us just fine."

Mr. Smith is really impressed!
Bruce has put so much thought into this.
This is just the most adorable thing!

"Well Bruce,
it seems like you have everything figured out.
I just have one more question.
What will you do if the two of you should have
little children of your own?"

Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says,
"Well, we've been lucky so far."

Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little sh!t is so adorable.


Stitchawl

[Stitchawl]

This has been around for quite some time but I thought it might get a laugh
> again from someone
> .Hollywood Squares:
>
> These great questions and answers are from the days when ' Hollywood
> Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are
> now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course..
>
> Q.. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
> A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!
> (The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of
> the show!)
>
> Q . Do female frogs croak?
> A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
>
> Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be
> A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
>
> Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years...
> A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
>
> Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a
> woman?
> A.. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
>
> Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you
> think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's
> married?
> A.. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.
>
> Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
> A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency..
>
> Q.In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
> A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty..
>
> Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
> A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
>
> Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands
> while talking?
> A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give
> you a gesture you'll never forget.
>
> Q.Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
> A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
>
> Q..Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get
> any during the first year?
> A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
>
> Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
> A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
>
> Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps..
> One is politics, what is the other?
> A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures..
>
> Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
> A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
>
> Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
> A.. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
>
> Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose
> do?
> A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
>
> Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
> A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark..
>
> Q.According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the
> habit of kissing a lot of people?
> A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
>
> Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
> A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
>
> Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head,
> what was he trying to do?
> A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
>
> Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your
> elephant?
> A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
>
> Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
> A.. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him
>
> Q.Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has
> actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
> A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
>
> Q.According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
> A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh
>
> WE DON'T STOP LAUGHING BECAUSE WE GROW OLD, WE GROW OLD BECAUSE WE STOP
> LAUGHING


Stitchawl

[HomeInMyShoes]

Hollywood Squares. A classic. I also hadn't heard a 'Little Johnny' joke in a while.

[wodin]

Originally Posted by Bookpossum

It's that cat again!

The fallacy of Schrödinger’s cat is that the cat knows, or not!

[PoP]

Déja Vu?

[cromag]

I don't know if this qualifies as a joke, but I found it amusing.


Go to Google.
Search for "recursion."
If it asks if you meant an alternative word, click on it ...




Okay, I'm easily amused!

[pilotbob]

Originally Posted by Fbone

My seatmate on a flight was a woman. Ever the charmer, I asked, “Does the airline charge you extra for sitting next to good-looking men?”

“Yes,” she said, “but I wasn’t willing to pay.”

Soooo... they comped you. Nice.

[steven522]

Originally Posted by cromag

Google "recursion."

Okay, I'm easily amused!

You ain't the only one. I thought it was hilarious.

Some Google techs have way too much time on their hands.

[WT Sharpe]

Originally Posted by steven522

...Some Google techs have way too much time on their hands.

That they do! I remember one in Google maps that had you taking a left at some city in Europe and driving so many thousand miles until you came to a city in the United States. Perhaps someone can remember the exact starting and ending points that resulted in that beauty.

[Fbone]

I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.