11-04-2012, 02:48 AM | #5551 |
Treachery of images ...
Posts: 4,069
Karma: 91561091
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Australia
Device: Blackberry Playbook, Sony 650, Kobo Glo, H2O, Aura One, Forma, Libra 2
|
RETIRED HUSBAND
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target: Dear Mrs. Harris , Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris , are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras: 1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking. 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom. 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on lay-by. 6.. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged. 8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called. 9... September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose. 10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.. 11... October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme. 12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels. 13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!' 14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN! 15.. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room? And last, but not least: 16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out. Signed The Manager Target |
11-04-2012, 07:16 AM | #5552 |
Media Bloke
Posts: 2,381
Karma: 113956855
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: NSW - Australia
Device: iOS
|
I was an ugly kid. When I played in the sand box the cat covered me over.
|
11-04-2012, 09:47 AM | #5553 |
Bah, humbug!
Posts: 39,073
Karma: 157049943
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Chesapeake, VA, USA
Device: Kindle Oasis, iPad Pro, & a Samsung Galaxy S9.
|
|
11-04-2012, 11:57 AM | #5554 |
Reading and reading
Posts: 582
Karma: 8250144
Join Date: Oct 2010
Device: Infibeam Pi, iPod Touch 4G, iPad Air 2, iPad mini 2, Oneplus One
|
Two men, tom and bob were walking their dogs when they smell a delicious scent. "You smell that?" tom asked. Bob replied, "the heck I do, let’s find where it’s coming from!”. After 5 minutes of searching, the scent led them to a restaurant. Tom said "let’s get something to eat!" they both were hungry but bob reminded him that they couldn’t enter with their dogs! so tom said "it’s cool, follow my lead!" he puts on shades and is stopped at the door "no dogs allowed sir!" tom insisted "oh it’s my seeing eye dog let me in" "it is? But that’s a dachshund !"
"Yes they're using them now because of their amazing sense of smell" "Very well come in." bob puts on shades and also stopped before entering "No dogs allowed sir!" the waiter heckled. "Oh please forgive me, it’s my seeing eye dog" bob apologized. "A chihuahua?!!!" the waiter shouted "WHAT??? THEY GAVE ME A CHIHUAHUA!?!?" |
11-04-2012, 06:07 PM | #5555 |
Opsimath
Posts: 12,344
Karma: 187123287
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand
Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy
|
|
11-04-2012, 07:53 PM | #5556 |
temp. out of service
Posts: 2,793
Karma: 24285242
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Duisburg (DE)
Device: PB 623
|
The best thing ever happened to me while playing jokes was while doing the purse on fishing line thing: a bus! (tourist carrier class not the usual public transportation) stopped and the driver exited to collect. While he couldn't see us hiding beside the road the passengers did. Hearing the laughter after he reentered the bus was sweeter than any music. We tought it was very kind of him not only to make a greedy fool of himself but even provide us a full load of comfortably seated public for the whole spectacle.
|
11-05-2012, 03:16 AM | #5557 | ||
Treachery of images ...
Posts: 4,069
Karma: 91561091
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Australia
Device: Blackberry Playbook, Sony 650, Kobo Glo, H2O, Aura One, Forma, Libra 2
|
Quote:
Quote:
|
||
11-05-2012, 04:21 AM | #5558 |
Opsimath
Posts: 12,344
Karma: 187123287
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand
Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy
|
|
11-05-2012, 02:51 PM | #5559 |
Grand Sorcerer
Posts: 12,193
Karma: 73448616
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Toronto
Device: Nexus 7, Clara, Touch, Tolino EPOS
|
|
11-05-2012, 04:42 PM | #5560 |
Treachery of images ...
Posts: 4,069
Karma: 91561091
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Australia
Device: Blackberry Playbook, Sony 650, Kobo Glo, H2O, Aura One, Forma, Libra 2
|
|
11-05-2012, 06:45 PM | #5561 | |
Opsimath
Posts: 12,344
Karma: 187123287
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand
Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy
|
Quote:
Stitchawl |
|
11-06-2012, 12:19 AM | #5562 | |
temp. out of service
Posts: 2,793
Karma: 24285242
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Duisburg (DE)
Device: PB 623
|
Quote:
We get it - invited by some ambassadors wives, eh? |
|
11-06-2012, 02:06 AM | #5563 |
Basculocolpic
Posts: 4,356
Karma: 20181319
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Sweden
Device: Kindle 3 WiFi, Kindle 4SO, Kindle for Android, Sony PRS-350 and PRS-T1
|
You'd actually travel to Tokyo for an embassy party?
I always thought they were such droll affairs, then again I was interpreting at them so it was "office hours". |
11-06-2012, 04:29 AM | #5564 | |
Opsimath
Posts: 12,344
Karma: 187123287
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand
Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy
|
Quote:
Stitchawl |
|
11-06-2012, 05:21 AM | #5565 |
Basculocolpic
Posts: 4,356
Karma: 20181319
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Sweden
Device: Kindle 3 WiFi, Kindle 4SO, Kindle for Android, Sony PRS-350 and PRS-T1
|
Part time paparazzi?
|
|
Similar Threads | ||||
Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
Add from the Mobile Read Library? | danwdoo | Calibre | 8 | 12-03-2014 06:03 PM |
Good Day Eh!! :-) | Gedvondur | Introduce Yourself | 12 | 07-22-2010 12:16 AM |
Classic Is there a way to lighten the background? | rlsamson | Barnes & Noble NOOK | 3 | 06-30-2010 04:56 PM |
Read-in-Microsoft-Reader 1.1.3 add-in released | Alexander Turcic | Reading and Management | 2 | 02-20-2006 03:47 AM |