Please rate the quality of translation [Russian > English]

LauraFenix · 08-05-2011, 11:03 AM

My girlfriend - known in Russian writer Alexander von Lorenz. She writes romantic novels for women. In Russia there are published four of her novel. She has written over 10 novels. Now her novels translated into Italian and German. English translators are also offered their services. But Alexander has no friends, who spoke in English as native.
Could you assess the quality of translations, which sent her?
I think Englishman can be seen on the front pages of text that a translator is good or bad
Thank you all.
Sorry for my English

LauraFenix · 08-05-2011, 11:07 AM

That is another translator longlayn

Penforhire · 08-05-2011, 01:06 PM

If she is an published Russian author with a firm command of the language then the first file you linked is rubbish. I don't know Russian but that English is painful to read. Bear in mind I am not a romance reader so perhaps someone else will chime in and tell us some of my complaints are normal conventions for the genre.

The very first line's grammar, "Through a wide snowy meadow covered with low shrubs, stormed a white-maned mare with a girl in the saddle." made me wince. It should read without a separate leading clause, like "A white-maned mare with a girl in the saddle stormed through a wide snowy meadow covered with low shrubs." There is a minor issue of what the meadow is covered with. We usually say the snow covers a snowy meadow, not the shrubs. Are the shrubs snow-covered, sticking up through the snow, or ?

There are too many hyphens and not enough notations for dialog. Dialog should be enclosed in quotes.

I don't agree with many of the colons. Example from page one, "Radmila would do everything for her favorite: feeding Goluba first, eating herself – perhaps." Colons are for lists or examples.

There are pure translation errors. For example (top of page two), in "... a terrible drought exhausted Russian land." In English we would would write there either "the Russian land" or "Russia."

Some words may be poor choices but I don't know who to blame. On page 3, a semi-conscious dying man's hand is unlikely to "quail" at a touch, meaning an intended fearful recoil.

I have to also question the author's writing skill even in her native language because of things like jumping from Radmilla's head to Ulrich's head. Omniscient viewpoint is normally very weak, the mark of a novice.

There are too many substitutes for "said" in the dialog. The girl yelled, the midwives plead, the girl later whispers, thinks out loud, etcetera. Some of that is useful but not as much as I see. Substitutes for said should be used sparingly.

Another example is the paragraph continued at the top of the second page. It has far too much telling-not-showing all at once. You have to wake the reader up after slogging through that.

jaxx6166 · 08-05-2011, 10:23 PM

Maybe the translator was babelfish?

LauraFenix · 08-06-2011, 06:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaxx6166

Maybe the translator was babelfish?

Sorry, I can not translate this word

LauraFenix · 08-06-2011, 06:05 PM

Thank you for your post, Penforhire!
I think the translator did not speak English
My English is too poor, and the translation I use Google, this translator probably does as well.

montsnmags · 08-06-2011, 06:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LauraFenix

Sorry, I can not translate this word

Do you mean the word "babelfish"? If you do, "babelfish" is another online translation tool like Google Translate. You can find it here:

http://babelfish.yahoo.com/

I don't know if it is any better, though it has been around longer.

Cheers,
Marc

LauraFenix · 08-06-2011, 06:09 PM

What can you say longlaynu (post 2)?
It's short, but perhaps it can be understood by mastery the translator?

LauraFenix · 08-06-2011, 06:17 PM

I understood so called Yahho translator?
Fish - interfere?

montsnmags · 08-06-2011, 06:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LauraFenix

I understood so called Yahho translator?
Fish - interfere?

"Babelfish" got its name from a fictional species of animal in a popular, funny book. You can find more information here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Babel_f...xy)#Babel_fish

jaxx6166 · 08-06-2011, 07:25 PM

This second one also looks like it was translated by a computer service. A real and trustworthy translator would essentially rewrite the text into the language of preference, doing their best to maintain style, tone, and structure.

That's the problem with computers. They only function in the literal.

OneandonlyDoc · 08-06-2011, 07:43 PM

I haven't looked at any of it yet, but you might want to hire an actual flesh and blood translator to do the translation. Computers in a lot of ways just don't cut it.

Freeshadow · 08-06-2011, 09:51 PM

hmm - maybe a mod could add "russian speaking welcome for clarification" to
the threads title?

montsnmags · 08-07-2011, 12:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Freeshadow

hmm - maybe a mod could add "russian speaking welcome for clarification" to
the threads title?

Good idea. I have added a slight modification to the heading. Hopeful this will help.

Cheers,
Marc
Moderator

LauraFenix · 08-07-2011, 03:33 PM

I understood He is as the Russian Cheburashka. He also invented a hero. But he was very loved.

Чебурашка

08-05-2011, 01:06 PM	#3
Penforhire Wizard Posts: 2,230 Karma: 7145404 Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Southern California Device: Kindle Voyage & iPhone 7+	If she is an published Russian author with a firm command of the language then the first file you linked is rubbish. I don't know Russian but that English is painful to read. Bear in mind I am not a romance reader so perhaps someone else will chime in and tell us some of my complaints are normal conventions for the genre. The very first line's grammar, "Through a wide snowy meadow covered with low shrubs, stormed a white-maned mare with a girl in the saddle." made me wince. It should read without a separate leading clause, like "A white-maned mare with a girl in the saddle stormed through a wide snowy meadow covered with low shrubs." There is a minor issue of what the meadow is covered with. We usually say the snow covers a snowy meadow, not the shrubs. Are the shrubs snow-covered, sticking up through the snow, or ? There are too many hyphens and not enough notations for dialog. Dialog should be enclosed in quotes. I don't agree with many of the colons. Example from page one, "Radmila would do everything for her favorite: feeding Goluba first, eating herself – perhaps." Colons are for lists or examples. There are pure translation errors. For example (top of page two), in "... a terrible drought exhausted Russian land." In English we would would write there either "the Russian land" or "Russia." Some words may be poor choices but I don't know who to blame. On page 3, a semi-conscious dying man's hand is unlikely to "quail" at a touch, meaning an intended fearful recoil. I have to also question the author's writing skill even in her native language because of things like jumping from Radmilla's head to Ulrich's head. Omniscient viewpoint is normally very weak, the mark of a novice. There are too many substitutes for "said" in the dialog. The girl yelled, the midwives plead, the girl later whispers, thinks out loud, etcetera. Some of that is useful but not as much as I see. Substitutes for said should be used sparingly. Another example is the paragraph continued at the top of the second page. It has far too much telling-not-showing all at once. You have to wake the reader up after slogging through that. Last edited by Penforhire; 08-07-2011 at 11:11 AM.

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08-05-2011, 10:23 PM	#4
jaxx6166 Wizard Posts: 1,222 Karma: 769316 Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Eternal summer Device: 350, iPad, PW	Maybe the translator was babelfish?

08-06-2011, 06:05 PM	#6
LauraFenix Junior Member Posts: 8 Karma: 10 Join Date: Aug 2011 Device: none	Thank you for your post, Penforhire! I think the translator did not speak English My English is too poor, and the translation I use Google, this translator probably does as well.

08-06-2011, 06:09 PM	#8
LauraFenix Junior Member Posts: 8 Karma: 10 Join Date: Aug 2011 Device: none	What can you say longlaynu (post 2)? It's short, but perhaps it can be understood by mastery the translator?

08-06-2011, 06:17 PM	#9
LauraFenix Junior Member Posts: 8 Karma: 10 Join Date: Aug 2011 Device: none	I understood so called Yahho translator? Fish - interfere?

08-06-2011, 07:25 PM	#11
jaxx6166 Wizard Posts: 1,222 Karma: 769316 Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Eternal summer Device: 350, iPad, PW	This second one also looks like it was translated by a computer service. A real and trustworthy translator would essentially rewrite the text into the language of preference, doing their best to maintain style, tone, and structure. That's the problem with computers. They only function in the literal.

08-06-2011, 07:43 PM	#12
OneandonlyDoc Fearless Writer Posts: 210 Karma: 375317 Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: In a mitten! Device: Kobo Wifi	I haven't looked at any of it yet, but you might want to hire an actual flesh and blood translator to do the translation. Computers in a lot of ways just don't cut it.

08-06-2011, 09:51 PM	#13
Freeshadow temp. out of service Posts: 2,792 Karma: 24285242 Join Date: May 2010 Location: Duisburg (DE) Device: PB 623	hmm - maybe a mod could add "russian speaking welcome for clarification" to the threads title?

08-07-2011, 03:33 PM	#15
LauraFenix Junior Member Posts: 8 Karma: 10 Join Date: Aug 2011 Device: none	I understood He is as the Russian Cheburashka. He also invented a hero. But he was very loved. Чебурашка

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