Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 352

steven522 · 08-21-2012, 10:41 AM

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 8 9.

steven522 · 08-21-2012, 10:42 AM

You can pick your friends.
You can pick your nose.

But, please, do not pick your friend's nose.

kennyc · 08-21-2012, 10:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

I'm really good friends with 25 of the letters in the alphabet.

I don't know why.

What? Who's on first. Why's on third base!

steven522 · 08-21-2012, 10:48 AM

"I don't know"'s on third.

kennyc · 08-21-2012, 10:59 AM

LMNOP!

HomeInMyShoes · 08-21-2012, 03:57 PM

The top-10 jokes from the Edinburgh Fringe festival:

1.Stewart Francis - "You know who really gives kids a bad name? Posh and Becks."

2.Tim Vine - "Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the telly."

3.Will Marsh - "I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister."

4.Rob Beckett - "You know you're working class when your TV is bigger than your book case."

5.Chris Turner - "I'm good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet… I don't know Y."

6.Tim Vine - "I took part in the sun tanning Olympics - I just got Bronze."

7.George Ryegold - "Pornography is often frowned upon, but that's only because I'm concentrating."

8.Stewart Francis - "I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!"

9.Lou Sanders - "I waited an hour for my starter so I complained: It's not rocket salad."

10.Nish Kumar - "My mum's so pessimistic, that if there was an Olympics for pessimism… she wouldn't fancy her chances."

Fbone · 08-21-2012, 04:22 PM

I like #3.

Quote:

3.Will Marsh - "I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister."

Fbone · 08-21-2012, 04:23 PM

duplicate post although it was worth repeating

wodin · 08-21-2012, 09:02 PM

Why I'm Divorced

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my husband would be pleasant and say, 'Happy Birthday!', and possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out, he barely said good morning, let alone 'Happy Birthday.'

I thought....well, that's marriage for you, but the kids... they will remember.

My kids came bouncing down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my handsome boss Rick, said, 'Good morning, lady, and by the way Happy Birthday!' It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock, when Rick knocked on my door and said, 'You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your birthday,

what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me.' I said, 'Thanks, Rick, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!'

We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. He chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office, Rick said, 'You know, It's such a beautiful day...we don't need to go straight back to the office, do we?'

I responded, 'I guess not. What do you have in mind?'

He said, 'Let's drop by my place, it's just around the corner.'

After arriving at his house, Rick turned to me and said, 'If you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back.'

'Ok.' I nervously replied.

He went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, he came out carrying a huge birthday cake, followed by my husband, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing 'Happy Birthday'.

And I just sat there....

on the couch....

naked.

Stitchawl · 08-21-2012, 09:23 PM

I never saw that one coming! Fantastic!

Stitchawl

yvanleterrible · 08-22-2012, 06:03 AM

Fbone · 08-24-2012, 02:51 AM

At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 17 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.

James_Wilde · 08-25-2012, 06:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HomeInMyShoes

10.Nish Kumar - "My mum's so pessimistic, that if there was an Olympics for pessimism… she wouldn't fancy her chances."

Fantastic!

pdurrant · 08-26-2012, 04:23 PM

The Archbishop of Canterbury is paid £72,990 per year to be good. . . .
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
. . . while I'm good for nothing.

(This is a slightly tweaked version of a joke from "Yeoman of the Guard" by W S Gilbert)

Fbone · 08-26-2012, 05:57 PM

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.
"Wow!" said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"
"Wrong number..." replied the girl.

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Add from the Mobile Read Library?	danwdoo	Calibre	8	12-03-2014 06:03 PM
Good Day Eh!! :-)	Gedvondur	Introduce Yourself	12	07-22-2010 12:16 AM
Classic Is there a way to lighten the background?	rlsamson	Barnes & Noble NOOK	3	06-30-2010 04:56 PM
Read-in-Microsoft-Reader 1.1.3 add-in released	Alexander Turcic	Reading and Management	2	02-20-2006 03:47 AM

08-21-2012, 10:41 AM	#5266
steven522 binomial: homo legentem Posts: 1,061 Karma: 25222222 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Alabama, USA Device: iriver Story HD; Archos 80 G9	Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9.

08-21-2012, 10:42 AM	#5267
steven522 binomial: homo legentem Posts: 1,061 Karma: 25222222 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Alabama, USA Device: iriver Story HD; Archos 80 G9	You can pick your friends. You can pick your nose. But, please, do not pick your friend's nose.

08-21-2012, 10:48 AM	#5269
steven522 binomial: homo legentem Posts: 1,061 Karma: 25222222 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Alabama, USA Device: iriver Story HD; Archos 80 G9	"I don't know"'s on third.

08-21-2012, 10:59 AM	#5270
kennyc The Dank Side of the Moon Posts: 35,872 Karma: 118716293 Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Denver, CO Device: Kindle2; Kindle Fire	LMNOP!

08-21-2012, 03:57 PM	#5271
HomeInMyShoes Grand Sorcerer Posts: 19,226 Karma: 67780237 Join Date: Jul 2011 Device: none	The top-10 jokes from the Edinburgh Fringe festival: 1.Stewart Francis - "You know who really gives kids a bad name? Posh and Becks." 2.Tim Vine - "Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the telly." 3.Will Marsh - "I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister." 4.Rob Beckett - "You know you're working class when your TV is bigger than your book case." 5.Chris Turner - "I'm good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet… I don't know Y." 6.Tim Vine - "I took part in the sun tanning Olympics - I just got Bronze." 7.George Ryegold - "Pornography is often frowned upon, but that's only because I'm concentrating." 8.Stewart Francis - "I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!" 9.Lou Sanders - "I waited an hour for my starter so I complained: It's not rocket salad." 10.Nish Kumar - "My mum's so pessimistic, that if there was an Olympics for pessimism… she wouldn't fancy her chances."

08-21-2012, 04:23 PM	#5273
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	duplicate post although it was worth repeating

08-21-2012, 09:02 PM	#5274
wodin Illiterate Posts: 10,279 Karma: 37848716 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: The Sandwich Isles Device: Samsung Galaxy S10+, Microsoft Surface Pro	Why I'm Divorced Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my husband would be pleasant and say, 'Happy Birthday!', and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, he barely said good morning, let alone 'Happy Birthday.' I thought....well, that's marriage for you, but the kids... they will remember. My kids came bouncing down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent. As I walked into my office, my handsome boss Rick, said, 'Good morning, lady, and by the way Happy Birthday!' It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. I worked until one o'clock, when Rick knocked on my door and said, 'You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me.' I said, 'Thanks, Rick, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!' We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. He chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Rick said, 'You know, It's such a beautiful day...we don't need to go straight back to the office, do we?' I responded, 'I guess not. What do you have in mind?' He said, 'Let's drop by my place, it's just around the corner.' After arriving at his house, Rick turned to me and said, 'If you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back.' 'Ok.' I nervously replied. He went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, he came out carrying a huge birthday cake, followed by my husband, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing 'Happy Birthday'. And I just sat there.... on the couch.... naked.

08-21-2012, 09:23 PM	#5275
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 12,344 Karma: 187123287 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy	I never saw that one coming! Fantastic! Stitchawl

08-22-2012, 06:03 AM	#5276
yvanleterrible Reborn Paper User Posts: 8,616 Karma: 15446734 Join Date: May 2006 Location: Que Nada Device: iPhone8, iPad Air

08-24-2012, 02:51 AM	#5277
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants. At age 12 success is . . . having friends. At age 17 success is . . . having a drivers license. At age 35 success is . . . having money. At age 50 success is . . . having money. At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license. At age 75 success is . . . having friends. At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.

08-26-2012, 04:23 PM	#5279
pdurrant The Grand Mouse 高貴的老鼠 Posts: 71,524 Karma: 306214458 Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Norfolk, England Device: Kindle Voyage	The Archbishop of Canterbury is paid £72,990 per year to be good. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . while I'm good for nothing. (This is a slightly tweaked version of a joke from "Yeoman of the Guard" by W S Gilbert)

08-26-2012, 05:57 PM	#5280
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 8,189 Karma: 100500000 Join Date: Jun 2010 Device: Nook Glowlight Plus	A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up. "Wow!" said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?" "Wrong number..." replied the girl.