Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 2

nohmi2 · 01-05-2009, 05:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RickyMaveety

Loved the Green Bay jokes, hate (hate, hate) blond jokes generally and on principle (being a person of that persuasion naturally), loved the religious jokes.

Sad thing is, I probably won't remember most of them. I have a bad memory for jokes.

I also love religious jokes.
Here's one.

Renee is a very caring lady who spends a lot of her spare time visiting and helping sick members of her synagogue. Her car is also well known in the community because it’s decorated all over with lots of Hebrew decals and bumper stickers showing the Jewish charities she helps.

One day, as she is driving to one of the care homes she regularly visits, her car runs out of petrol and splutters to a stop. "Oy veh," she says to herself, "and just when I’m late."
Fortunately, she notices a petrol station only a few hundred yards away, so she walks to the station to get help. "Hi," Renee says to the man behind the till, "I’ve run out of petrol and I’m hoping you can lend me your petrol can. I’ll pay you for the petrol I use and I’ll return your can as quickly as possible."
The attendant replies, "I’m sorry, lady, but I’ve lent out my one and only can not more than 5 minutes ago. I’m expecting it back in about half an hour, so if you want, you can wait here for it."

But as she’s behind schedule, Renee goes back to her car to find something that she could use to fill with petrol. Then, what mazel (luck), she notices the bedpan she always keeps handy in case of patient need. So she takes the bedpan to the petrol station, fills it and carries it back to her car.

Two men are passing by and watch her pour in the petrol. One turns to the other and says, "If that car starts, I'm turning Jewish."

Sparrow · 01-05-2009, 05:57 AM

Two aerials met and fell in love; the wedding was rubbish, but the reception was brilliant.

Over · 01-05-2009, 06:13 AM

(Sorry my english

)

A dwarf enters in a public WC to urinate. At the same time, a 6'2" tall guy enters the WC and starts urinating next to the dwarf. The tall guy has a facial tic: he is always blinking his eyes, fast. The dwarf starts blinking a lot too. The tall guy says:

- Are you making fun of me?!
- No, no, no. You're sprinkling me! - said the dwarf.

Wetdogeared · 01-05-2009, 12:21 PM

The six phases of work.

zelda_pinwheel · 01-05-2009, 12:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sparrow

Two aerials met and fell in love; the wedding was rubbish, but the reception was brilliant.

aarg !!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wetdogeared

The six phases of work.

paaa hahaha !!! phase six is brilliant !!! i think that's the phase i'm usually in.

Wetdogeared · 01-05-2009, 12:53 PM

Quick medical test here.

zelda_pinwheel · 01-05-2009, 01:10 PM

"cat scans", pffff... :extremerolleyesoftheunmitigatedsilliness:

pshrynk · 01-05-2009, 01:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RickyMaveety

Loved the Green Bay jokes, hate (hate, hate) blond jokes generally and on principle (being a person of that persuasion naturally), loved the religious jokes.

Sad thing is, I probably won't remember most of them. I have a bad memory for jokes.

The perfect joke that nearly got me killed:

My wife (blonde) comes home all excited.

"I've got a new shampoo! It's called 'Blonde!'"

"Easy open cap?" says I...

zelda_pinwheel · 01-05-2009, 01:53 PM

pffff !!!

nrapallo · 01-05-2009, 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by zelda_pinwheel

pffff !!!

One of the most popular comebacks... 194 times thus far ...

p.s. does this link work? EDIT: link no longer works!

Wetdogeared · 01-05-2009, 02:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nrapallo

One of the most popular comebacks... 194 times thus far ...

p.s. does this link work?

Statisticians can be funny, and yes the link worked.

zelda_pinwheel · 01-05-2009, 02:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nrapallo

One of the most popular comebacks... 194 times thus far ...

pfff !

(spéciale dédicace

)

RWood · 01-07-2009, 09:30 AM

The three phases of getting additional people at work as applied to Zelda:

1. Get me someone just like Zelda.
2. Get me a young Zelda.
3. Zelda who?

Over · 01-07-2009, 11:14 AM

Two baloons in a desert:
- Be careful with the cactussssssshhhhhhhh!
- What cactusssssshhhhhhhh?

rebarnmom · 01-07-2009, 11:56 AM

One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent.

Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.

The woman said: "I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."
The officer replied: "Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,"says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the Game Warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment," the woman said in reponse.

So, the Game Warden said: "Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.

MORAL :
Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think!

01-05-2009, 12:21 PM	#19
Wetdogeared Grand Sorcerer Posts: 5,629 Karma: 4513889 Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Vancouver, Canada Device: S0ny PRS-300/350/505/700/T1	This is for you RM. The six phases of work.

01-05-2009, 12:53 PM	#21
Wetdogeared Grand Sorcerer Posts: 5,629 Karma: 4513889 Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Vancouver, Canada Device: S0ny PRS-300/350/505/700/T1	Take a minute to check your health. Quick medical test here.

01-05-2009, 01:10 PM	#22
zelda_pinwheel zeldinha zippy zeldissima Posts: 27,828 Karma: 908606 Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Paris, France Device: eb1150 & is that a nook in her pocket, or she just happy to see you?	"cat scans", pffff... :extremerolleyesoftheunmitigatedsilliness: __________________ blog.ex-elibris.fr : les liseuses, les ebooks, nos lectures, la technologie… I don't want none of that mischief on my eels! - pdurrant since i would never want to disappoint wde and vr, we are thrilled to present the next exciting avatar in zelda's wardrobe, by vivaldirules himself.

01-05-2009, 01:53 PM	#24
zelda_pinwheel zeldinha zippy zeldissima Posts: 27,828 Karma: 908606 Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Paris, France Device: eb1150 & is that a nook in her pocket, or she just happy to see you?	pffff !!! __________________ blog.ex-elibris.fr : les liseuses, les ebooks, nos lectures, la technologie… I don't want none of that mischief on my eels! - pdurrant since i would never want to disappoint wde and vr, we are thrilled to present the next exciting avatar in zelda's wardrobe, by vivaldirules himself.

01-07-2009, 09:30 AM	#28
RWood Technogeezer Posts: 7,237 Karma: 148834 Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Virginia, USA Device: Sony PRS-500	The three phases of getting additional people at work as applied to Zelda: 1. Get me someone just like Zelda. 2. Get me a young Zelda. 3. Zelda who? __________________ We've all gotten crazier to keep from going sane.

01-05-2009, 05:57 AM	#17
Sparrow Wizard Posts: 4,400 Karma: 1358102 Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: UK Device: Palm TX, CyBook Gen3	Two aerials met and fell in love; the wedding was rubbish, but the reception was brilliant.

01-05-2009, 06:13 AM	#18
Over Wizard Posts: 1,450 Karma: 3949068 Join Date: May 2008 Location: Cascais, Portugal Device: Cybook Gen3, Kindle DXi, Kindle 3, iPad and iPhone 4	(Sorry my english ) A dwarf enters in a public WC to urinate. At the same time, a 6'2" tall guy enters the WC and starts urinating next to the dwarf. The tall guy has a facial tic: he is always blinking his eyes, fast. The dwarf starts blinking a lot too. The tall guy says: - Are you making fun of me?! - No, no, no. You're sprinkling me! - said the dwarf.

01-07-2009, 11:14 AM	#29
Over Wizard Posts: 1,450 Karma: 3949068 Join Date: May 2008 Location: Cascais, Portugal Device: Cybook Gen3, Kindle DXi, Kindle 3, iPad and iPhone 4	Two baloons in a desert: - Be careful with the cactussssssshhhhhhhh! - What cactusssssshhhhhhhh?

01-07-2009, 11:56 AM	#30
rebarnmom Wizard Posts: 1,289 Karma: 2412599 Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: rural Illinois, USA Device: Sony PRS-700 (traded in), Sony PRS-650	One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent. Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?" "Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?") "You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her. The woman said: "I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading." The officer replied: "Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up." "If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,"says the woman. "But I haven't even touched you," says the Game Warden. "That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment," the woman said in reponse. So, the Game Warden said: "Have a nice day ma'am," and he left. MORAL : Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think!

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