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Old 01-05-2009, 05:24 AM   #16
nohmi2
Pensively observing.
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Originally Posted by RickyMaveety View Post
Loved the Green Bay jokes, hate (hate, hate) blond jokes generally and on principle (being a person of that persuasion naturally), loved the religious jokes.

Sad thing is, I probably won't remember most of them. I have a bad memory for jokes.
I also love religious jokes.
Here's one.

Renee is a very caring lady who spends a lot of her spare time visiting and helping sick members of her synagogue. Her car is also well known in the community because it’s decorated all over with lots of Hebrew decals and bumper stickers showing the Jewish charities she helps.


One day, as she is driving to one of the care homes she regularly visits, her car runs out of petrol and splutters to a stop. "Oy veh," she says to herself, "and just when I’m late."
Fortunately, she notices a petrol station only a few hundred yards away, so she walks to the station to get help. "Hi," Renee says to the man behind the till, "I’ve run out of petrol and I’m hoping you can lend me your petrol can. I’ll pay you for the petrol I use and I’ll return your can as quickly as possible."
The attendant replies, "I’m sorry, lady, but I’ve lent out my one and only can not more than 5 minutes ago. I’m expecting it back in about half an hour, so if you want, you can wait here for it."


But as she’s behind schedule, Renee goes back to her car to find something that she could use to fill with petrol. Then, what mazel (luck), she notices the bedpan she always keeps handy in case of patient need. So she takes the bedpan to the petrol station, fills it and carries it back to her car.


Two men are passing by and watch her pour in the petrol. One turns to the other and says, "If that car starts, I'm turning Jewish."
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Old 01-05-2009, 05:57 AM   #17
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Old 01-05-2009, 06:13 AM   #18
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(Sorry my english )

A dwarf enters in a public WC to urinate. At the same time, a 6'2" tall guy enters the WC and starts urinating next to the dwarf. The tall guy has a facial tic: he is always blinking his eyes, fast. The dwarf starts blinking a lot too. The tall guy says:

- Are you making fun of me?!
- No, no, no. You're sprinkling me! - said the dwarf.
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Old 01-05-2009, 12:21 PM   #19
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This is for you RM.

The six phases of work.
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Old 01-05-2009, 12:26 PM   #20
zelda_pinwheel
zeldinha zippy zeldissima
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sparrow View Post
Two aerials met and fell in love; the wedding was rubbish, but the reception was brilliant.
aarg !!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wetdogeared View Post
The six phases of work.
paaa hahaha !!! phase six is brilliant !!! i think that's the phase i'm usually in.
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Old 01-05-2009, 12:53 PM   #21
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Take a minute to check your health.

Quick medical test here.
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Old 01-05-2009, 01:10 PM   #22
zelda_pinwheel
zeldinha zippy zeldissima
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"cat scans", pffff... :extremerolleyesoftheunmitigatedsilliness:
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Old 01-05-2009, 01:52 PM   #23
pshrynk
Beepbeep n beebeep, yeah!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RickyMaveety View Post
Loved the Green Bay jokes, hate (hate, hate) blond jokes generally and on principle (being a person of that persuasion naturally), loved the religious jokes.

Sad thing is, I probably won't remember most of them. I have a bad memory for jokes.
The perfect joke that nearly got me killed:

My wife (blonde) comes home all excited.

"I've got a new shampoo! It's called 'Blonde!'"

"Easy open cap?" says I...
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Old 01-05-2009, 01:53 PM   #24
zelda_pinwheel
zeldinha zippy zeldissima
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pffff !!!
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Old 01-05-2009, 01:59 PM   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zelda_pinwheel View Post
pffff !!!
One of the most popular comebacks... 194 times thus far ...

p.s. does this link work? EDIT: link no longer works!

Last edited by nrapallo; 01-07-2009 at 09:53 AM.
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Old 01-05-2009, 02:02 PM   #26
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One of the most popular comebacks... 194 times thus far ...

p.s. does this link work?
Statisticians can be funny, and yes the link worked.
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Old 01-05-2009, 02:06 PM   #27
zelda_pinwheel
zeldinha zippy zeldissima
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One of the most popular comebacks... 194 times thus far ...
pfff !

(spéciale dédicace )
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Old 01-07-2009, 09:30 AM   #28
RWood
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The three phases of getting additional people at work as applied to Zelda:

1. Get me someone just like Zelda.
2. Get me a young Zelda.
3. Zelda who?
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Old 01-07-2009, 11:14 AM   #29
Over
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Two baloons in a desert:
- Be careful with the cactussssssshhhhhhhh!
- What cactusssssshhhhhhhh?
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Old 01-07-2009, 11:56 AM   #30
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One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent.

Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.

The woman said: "I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading."
The officer replied: "Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,"says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the Game Warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment," the woman said in reponse.

So, the Game Warden said: "Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.

MORAL :
Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think!
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