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Old 06-30-2013, 05:04 PM   #6691
Bilbo1967
Not scared!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fbone View Post
A backwards poet writes inverse.
Does a writer who passes off prose as poetry to gullible readers write converse?
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Old 07-01-2013, 12:43 AM   #6692
pilotbob
Grand Sorcerer
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bilbo1967 View Post
Does a writer who passes off prose as poetry to gullible readers write converse?
I don't know... but...

If the opposite of con is pro, then is the opposite of congress, progress?

BOb
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Old 07-01-2013, 06:12 AM   #6693
wannabee
Media Bloke
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Originally Posted by pilotbob View Post
I don't know... but...

If the opposite of con is pro, then is the opposite of congress, progress?

BOb
Boom Boom
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Old 07-01-2013, 12:27 PM   #6694
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE: "Doctor, I have an ear ache."

2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root."

1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."

1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."

1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill."

1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."

2000 A.D. - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!"
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Old 07-02-2013, 03:25 PM   #6695
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.

"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"

"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."

"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?'

"Twenty-six," he said.
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Old 07-02-2013, 04:33 PM   #6696
wodin
Illiterate
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Real life story.

I have a co-worker who is managing a project to upgrade the Commanding General’s headquarters in preparation for his change of command and the position upgraded to a Four Star General. One of the things that is being installed is a credenza to cover up the IT equipment in his office. The contractor who is installing the equipment has a lot of experience with IT equipment, but none at all with furniture.

Needless to say, the credenza was a bit less than Four Star General quality, and my friend rejected it saying “You have to do better than that! And you have to do it in two days because that’s when the new General will be here”

The contractor took the credenza out and brought it to a furniture restoration firm. The lady at the firm looked at it, and asked “Do you swear?”

The contractor looked at her funny, and said “Uh,,, well… uh… yes I do occasionally.”

Spoiler:
She said “Your F***ed!”
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Old 07-02-2013, 05:31 PM   #6697
orange!
Born to be wild
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This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says "Shall I put that on your bill?".
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Old 07-02-2013, 05:52 PM   #6698
Bilbo1967
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This duck walks into his regular pharmacy and asks for a condom. The server says, "Shall I put that on your bill?". "What kind of pervert do you think I am?", replies the duck indignantly.
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Old 07-03-2013, 12:25 PM   #6699
HomeInMyShoes
Ginormous Intergalactic
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A little girl went up to her mother one day while holding her stomach saying, "Mommy, my stomach hurts." Her mother replied, "That's because it's empty, you have to put something into it!"

Later that day when the Aunt and her husband were over for dinner. The Aunt began to feel bad. Holding her head she said, "I have such a terrible headache!"

The little girl looked up at her giving her the sweetest smile that any little child could give. Then she said, "That's because it's empty, you have to put something into it!"
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Old 07-03-2013, 01:21 PM   #6700
MJK2111
FUBAR!
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Two fonts walk in to a bar, and the bartender says "Hey! We don't serve your type here!"
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Old 07-03-2013, 01:24 PM   #6701
MJK2111
FUBAR!
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A piece of string walks in to a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says "We don't serve string in this bar!"
The string walks next door to the beauty parlor, ties himself into a loop and stands under the hairdryer for a minute.
He walks back in to the bar and orders a beer. The bartender squints at him and says "Aren't you the piece of string that was just here?".
The string replies "Nope, I'm a frayed knot..."
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Old 07-03-2013, 01:28 PM   #6702
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.

The barman refuses to serve him. "Why not," asks the golf club.

"You'll be driving later," replies the bartender.
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Old 07-03-2013, 01:41 PM   #6703
MJK2111
FUBAR!
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Two termites walk in to a bar and sit down next to an elderly gentleman. One of the termites looks around and then asks the gentleman "Excuse me, but is the bartender here?"
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Old 07-03-2013, 01:42 PM   #6704
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FUBAR!
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Two sets of rough looking jumper cables walk in to a bar and order shots and beers. The bartender says "I'll serve you now, but don't try and start anything in here!"
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Old 07-03-2013, 01:42 PM   #6705
MJK2111
FUBAR!
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Two blondes walk in to a bar. You'd think one of them would have seen it...
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