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Old 04-03-2013, 04:54 PM   #6346
HomeInMyShoes
Ginormous Intergalactic
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An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.

He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.

Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond.

Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

"Well... Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"
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Old 04-03-2013, 05:22 PM   #6347
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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Old 04-03-2013, 06:58 PM   #6348
PeterT
Taking a break; Fed up
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A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was.She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious....

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and his roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, his son volunteered,“I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you,we are just roommates."

About a week later, his roommate came to him saying, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

He said ,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure." He sat down and wrote :

Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you ‘did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you ‘did not' take the silver plate But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love,
your son.

Several days later, he received an email from his Mother which read:

Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you ‘do' sleep with your roommate, and I'm not saying that you ‘do not' sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she
would have found the silver plate by now, under her pillow…
Love,
Mom.
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Old 04-04-2013, 09:45 AM   #6349
orlok
Getting back into it
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"It was your idea that I organise a threesome", my wife said to me, "why aren't you happy?"

"I was hoping to be included", I replied.
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Old 04-04-2013, 12:22 PM   #6350
Iznogood
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Quote:
Originally Posted by orlok View Post
"It was your idea that I organise a threesome", my wife said to me, "why aren't you happy?"

"I was hoping to be included", I replied.
Things doesn't always turn out the way one wishes for...

I wasn't allowed to give you any more karma, but this one really deserves some. So here's some virtual karma to you.
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Old 04-04-2013, 06:23 PM   #6351
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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Old 04-05-2013, 01:54 PM   #6352
issybird
o saeclum infacetum
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Old 04-05-2013, 05:46 PM   #6353
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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It’s 2013, why does food still have calories…?
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Old 04-05-2013, 10:01 PM   #6354
pilotbob
Grand Sorcerer
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fbone View Post
It’s 2013, why does food still have calories…?
Erm... that's kind of the point.
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Old 04-06-2013, 08:36 AM   #6355
din155
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Quote:
Originally Posted by orlok View Post
The passengers on a small plane are a quite surprised when the pilots arrive.

The pilots walk up the aisle, both wearing dark glasses. One has a seeing-eye dog, the other is tapping his way with a white-tipped cane.

The cockpit door closes, the engines start up.

The plane moves faster and faster down the runway. People by the windows realize they're heading right towards the water at the end of the runway.

Panic ensues. Screams fill the air. At that very moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly.

Up in the cockpit, the co-pilot turns to the pilot. "Y'know, Bob," he says. "One day they're going to scream too late, and we're all gonna die."
not sure how will feel next time I fly.
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Old 04-06-2013, 08:49 AM   #6356
din155
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It happened this morning. I have a pair of jeans that is a bit longer, so I was trying to fold it to the correct length. After trying for 10 minutes I got it about right but unfolded it accidently and started thinking "control z"
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Old 04-06-2013, 09:01 AM   #6357
pdurrant
The Grand Mouse
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When her husband abandoned her, she didn't plan any dramatic revenge. No scratched cars or cut up ties.

She just took in the waist of all his clothes by an inch and a half....
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Old 04-06-2013, 03:52 PM   #6358
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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Old 04-07-2013, 05:36 PM   #6359
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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"Age is just a number" and jail is just a room.
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Old 04-07-2013, 05:48 PM   #6360
Freeshadow
temp. out of service
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