02-05-2013, 07:15 AM
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#6016 | |
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Snoozing in the sun
  
Posts: 5,089
Karma: 64582303
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Device: Kobo Touch (mine), Sony PRS-T1 (husband's)
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Quote:
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Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose. (Garrison Keillor) |
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02-05-2013, 01:22 PM
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#6017 |
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Desperation
Posts: 7,167
Karma: 207511074
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: UK
Device: Kindle Fire HD, Kobo glo
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Leicester City Car parks would like to apologise for any inconvenience caused whilst we are running a skeleton service.
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Enthusiast
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02-05-2013, 02:44 PM
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#6018 |
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Is that a sandwich?
Posts: 4,117
Karma: 57718641
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NJ
Device: Searching ...
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“I’m sure wherever my father is, he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending.”
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02-05-2013, 03:53 PM
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#6019 |
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Wizard
Posts: 4,220
Karma: 31947112
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Toronto
Device: Wifi (mine); Touch (wife + mine); iTouch (wife)
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I changed my iPod name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
I tried to catch some fog. I mist. When chemists die, they barium. Jokes about German sausage are the wurst. A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me. This girl said she recognised me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down. I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words . They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O. A dyslexic man walks into a bra . PMS jokes aren't funny, period. Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations. Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory-- I hope there's no pop quiz. The Energizer bunny arrested and charged with battery. I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me. Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils? When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble. What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me! Broken pencils are pointless. What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus. England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool . I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest. I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx. All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough. Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes. Velcro - what a rip off! Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy. Venison for dinner? Oh deer! Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
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Peter |
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02-05-2013, 07:17 PM
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#6020 |
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Opsimath
Posts: 9,381
Karma: 145518999
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Kyoto, Japan
Device: Sony 505, Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350
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She was only the stable owner's daughter, but all the horsemanure.
Stitchawl |
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02-05-2013, 07:19 PM
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#6021 |
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Snoozing in the sun
Posts: 5,089
Karma: 64582303
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Device: Kobo Touch (mine), Sony PRS-T1 (husband's)
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 Now look what you have started, Peter!
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Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose. (Garrison Keillor) |
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02-05-2013, 08:22 PM
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#6022 |
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temp. out of service
Posts: 1,981
Karma: 10577116
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Duisburg (DE)
Device: BeBook mini
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Well he has a puny bone obviously
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02-05-2013, 10:47 PM
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#6023 |
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Wizard
Posts: 4,220
Karma: 31947112
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Toronto
Device: Wifi (mine); Touch (wife + mine); iTouch (wife)
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I'm sorry
 I didn't mean to cause trouble! Honestly!!
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Peter |
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02-06-2013, 03:40 AM
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#6024 |
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Desperation
Posts: 7,167
Karma: 207511074
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: UK
Device: Kindle Fire HD, Kobo glo
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Wife: "What are you doing?"
Husband: "Nothing." Wife: "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour." Husband: "I was looking for the expiration date." |
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02-06-2013, 08:37 AM
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#6025 |
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binomial: homo legentem
Posts: 799
Karma: 15917206
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Alabama, USA
Device: iriver Story HD; Archos 80 G9
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An impatient man was arrested by the police yesterday because he threw his container of Morton's Iodized and his 4 pack of Duracell D's at the woman in front of him because she had fourteen items in her basket at the ten-items-or-less checkout.
He was charged with a salt and batteries. |
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02-06-2013, 12:39 PM
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#6026 | |
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Illiterate
Posts: 3,334
Karma: 11170194
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: The Sandwich Isles
Device: Samsung Galaxy Note
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And on the eighth day God looked down on his planned paradise and said, “I need someone who can flip this for a quick buck.”
So God made a banker.
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02-06-2013, 01:22 PM
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#6027 |
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binomial: homo legentem
Posts: 799
Karma: 15917206
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Alabama, USA
Device: iriver Story HD; Archos 80 G9
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Did you hear about the robot whose power source allowed him to run for days off of a box of plain square crackers?
That's right... He was charged with a saltine battery. |
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02-06-2013, 05:29 PM
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#6028 | |
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Grand Muckity-Muck
Posts: 26,695
Karma: 70641104
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Chesapeake, VA, USA
Device: Kindles: Paperwhite/K-3/Touch, Sony PRS-600, iPod (audio books), iPad1
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Quote:
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02-06-2013, 08:05 PM
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#6029 |
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Addict
Posts: 379
Karma: 17083352
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Texas
Device: K4 Touch, Kindle Fire, HP Touchpad
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Two atoms are walking down the street together.
The first atom turns and says, "Hey, you just stole an electron from me!" "Are you sure?" asks the second atom. To which the first atom replies, "Yeah, I'm positive!" |
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02-06-2013, 09:54 PM
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#6030 |
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Is that a sandwich?
Posts: 4,117
Karma: 57718641
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NJ
Device: Searching ...
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“A hotel minibar allows you to see into the future and find out what a can of Pepsi will cost in 2030.”
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