What is in your cup?

[VydorScope]

Ultimately, everyone and every situation is different. I would rather spend the money myself, I do not think they emotional cost, and the risk to the relationships is worth any price that can be paid with money... but I know some people make it work, so maybe you will get lucky.

[ProfCrash]

I am with VydorScope on this. It sounds like you think it can work and if so, go for it. Personally, I would pay a little more and not take the risk. But that is my choice based on my personality and my parents.

To be honest with you, my parents would not even make the offer. They always told us we had 6 months once we finished school (college, high school, whatever the final degree was) and we did not live at home during school, we lived on campus. They actually packed my brother up at the 9 month mark when he moved across country and stayed with them while getting on his feet after he dropped out of college.

[orlok]

I'm with Stitchawl, ProfCrash and VydorScope - I would tread VERY carefully with this one. The savings are clearly attractive, but think long and hard about the strains it will put on both relationships (your bf and your parents). And be prepared to give up on a sex life...

They do say you can never go home, and what I think is meant by that is that once you do (and I have experienced this), your parents start to treat you like a kid again, rather than the mature adult you now are, causing conflict. If you were asking me if I would do it, I would say a definite no, but then maybe your parents are more enlightened than mine are/were.

[cromag]

Working on my first round of tea.


When my wife and I got married there was a gap of a couple of months between us moving out of our respective small places and when our new (to us) house was ready. We moved in with my folks. It was very good at times, and uncomfortably close at others. In all honesty the only way we made it work was by spending weekends at a nearby hotel. It was still the cheapest alternative, but the hotel was a very good and necessary expense.

Good luck!

[Stitchawl]

Helplessly hoping
Her harlequin hovers nearby
Awaiting a word
Gasping at glimpses
Of gentle true spirit
He runs, wishing he could fly
Only to trip at the sound of good-bye

Wordlessly watching
He waits by the window
And wonders
At the empty place inside
Heartlessly helping himself to her bad dreams
He worries
Did he hear a good-bye? Or even hello?

They are one person
They are two alone
They are three together
They are four for each other

( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=doIEwzc6k_k )

Good morning, everyone! It's the opening of another Wednesday! Yippee!
I have a mug of East India Company's "Assam" tea sitting at hand, and french bread, cold pressed extra virgin olive oil to dip it in, and some goat cheese. (I'm feeling very 'mountain rural' today.)

Originally Posted by ProfCrash

To be honest with you, my parents would not even make the offer. They always told us we had 6 months once we finished school (college, high school, whatever the final degree was)

This is a cultural (perhaps anomaly in your case) event usually location-specific. In northern East Coast cities and mid-America rural, is it MORE common for children to live with parents until much older. In NYC, most will remain at home until married, as the cost of finding their own place is so dear. On the west coast, it MORE common for the whole family to get involved with the child's move out of the house at age 18 (or when finished school.)

Originally Posted by orlok

And be prepared to give up on a sex life...

Wave 'goodbye' to spontaneity. No more sex on the kitchen table...

Originally Posted by cromag

In all honesty the only way we made it work was by spending weekends at a nearby hotel. It was still the cheapest alternative, but the hotel was a very good and necessary expense.

In Japan, there are 'Love Hotels' surrounding almost every large train station. They are 'by the hour' totally discrete, clean, 'hot pillow' places. The parking lots have curtains so no one can see your car or license plate. The cashier can't even see the faces of the people checking in. Mom and Dad can go and have some noisy time together and not worry about the kids in the next room. When you house has interior walls made of paper, it's hard to have any privacy.

Time for one more cup of tea...


Stitchawl

[amward]

Peppermint tea

[dreams]

Iridal - It is a hard decision to make and lots of variables to the decision. Every situation and couple is different. It may be easier for you to be comfortable back at home, but it may be a bit harder for your fiance; you just never know.

Best of luck on whatever you decide to do.

Fresh coffee in my cup.

[phenomshel]

Iced sweet tea.

[Iridal]

Originally Posted by orlok

I'm with Stitchawl, ProfCrash and VydorScope - I would tread VERY carefully with this one. The savings are clearly attractive, but think long and hard about the strains it will put on both relationships (your bf and your parents). And be prepared to give up on a sex life...

They do say you can never go home, and what I think is meant by that is that once you do (and I have experienced this), your parents start to treat you like a kid again, rather than the mature adult you now are, causing conflict. If you were asking me if I would do it, I would say a definite no, but then maybe your parents are more enlightened than mine are/were.

There's absolutely no way I would give up my sex life! We're not the kind of couple that screams like they're being tortured every time they have a go at it. Our bed doesn't squeak and we can be quiet. They know we're a couple, and sex is a part of every relationship. They probably don't want to, but they'll have to accept that their daughter is sexually active.

I think my parents will except that we have our own lives now. And in case they don't, we plan to make it very clear to them that we will follow the house rules but that those rules can't be seem as the ones I had to follow when I was 18.

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

Wave 'goodbye' to spontaneity. No more sex on the kitchen table...

Yes, of course ... This is one of the things we're worried about, because we're all about spontaneity

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

This is a cultural (perhaps anomaly in your case) event usually location-specific. In northern East Coast cities and mid-America rural, is it MORE common for children to live with parents until much older. In NYC, most will remain at home until married, as the cost of finding their own place is so dear. On the west coast, it MORE common for the whole family to get involved with the child's move out of the house at age 18 (or when finished school.)

Some of our friends have moved back home while they were building. We even moved in with my grandparents when my parents were building their house. So it's quite common here.

Originally Posted by dreams

Iridal - It is a hard decision to make and lots of variables to the decision. Every situation and couple is different. It may be easier for you to be comfortable back at home, but it may be a bit harder for your fiance; you just never know.

Best of luck on whatever you decide to do.

Fresh coffee in my cup.

Thanks It is very hard, and we're still looking at apartments as well as thinking about moving in with them. We're trying to find apartments that are rented for about 400€, and they are very hard to find. When we do find them, they usually turn out to be poorly maintained. But even with rent that low, the difference in money saved would be about 8000€ in a year.
We're taking our time deciding. We have until the end of the month to make a decision.

I had cappuccino in my cup, it's all gone now. Time for breakfast and then hopefully I can get some work done today!

[maianhvk]

It's been a very long day today. My 2-month-old smartphone was pickpocketed.

[Iridal]

In my cup: green tea.

Originally Posted by maianhvk

It's been a very long day today. My 2-month-old smartphone was pickpocketed.

[pdurrant]

Originally Posted by maianhvk

It's been a very long day today. My 2-month-old smartphone was pickpocketed.

Oh, how awful. Commiserations.



Coke Zero #1 in my cup.

[GeoffC]

Originally Posted by maianhvk

It's been a very long day today. My 2-month-old smartphone was pickpocketed.

Sorry for you - hope you're insured ...

Coffee Black #2 coming up.

[VydorScope]

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

This is a cultural (perhaps anomaly in your case) event usually location-specific. In northern East Coast cities and mid-America rural, is it MORE common for children to live with parents until much older. In NYC, most will remain at home until married, as the cost of finding their own place is so dear. On the west coast, it MORE common for the whole family to get involved with the child's move out of the house at age 18 (or when finished school.)

Stitchawl

Not sure that is right, I see it more as a generational than location based thing. In the N/E USA where I was born, my generation was kicked out on the street before the ink dried on the diploma, but my sisters generation (she is much much younger) stays home much longer.

Still though, in most of the families I know in the n/e USA - once the kid is out, they stay out.

[VydorScope]

Originally Posted by maianhvk

It's been a very long day today. My 2-month-old smartphone was pickpocketed.

Dang! Sorry to hear that!