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Old 01-25-2013, 11:42 AM   #5971
samhy
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Golf Rules for Beginners:
That was a good one
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Old 01-25-2013, 07:36 PM   #5972
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30 Rock classic... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FXvv5sTqNa4
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Old 01-25-2013, 10:30 PM   #5973
amward
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Booci is not the same game as Lawn bowls,doesn't use he same equipment either and not nearly as popular as lawn bowls in Oz.
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Old 01-25-2013, 11:56 PM   #5974
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking about with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Hunting flies," He responded.

"Oh, killing any?" She asked.

"Yep, three males, two females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked, "How can you tell?"

He responded, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."
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Old 01-26-2013, 01:31 AM   #5975
PeterT
Taking a break; Fed up
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A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking about with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Hunting flies," He responded.

"Oh, killing any?" She asked.

"Yep, three males, two females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked, "How can you tell?"

He responded, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."
Groan
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Old 01-26-2013, 08:22 AM   #5976
Hamlet53
Babi Yar
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To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present...

They are due back at the library today.
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Old 01-27-2013, 06:13 PM   #5977
orlok
Getting back into it
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I was with my wife in a restaurant last night, when suddenly from the next table a woman started to moan, "Oh. Oh. Oh God!"

Then it became louder, "Ohh. Ohh God. Oh."

"I've seen this before in When Harry Met Sally," remarked my wife, before stopping a waiter.

"I'll have what she's having," she giggled.

"I think it's a heart attack," panicked the waiter.

Last edited by orlok; 01-27-2013 at 06:34 PM.
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Old 01-27-2013, 06:13 PM   #5978
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"

Woman: "It's in the phone book."

Man: "But I don't know your name."

Woman: "That's in the phone book too."
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Old 01-27-2013, 09:56 PM   #5979
yvanleterrible
When books can fly!
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Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"

Woman: "It's in the phone book."

Man: "But I don't know your name."

Woman: "That's in the phone book too."
A: You're dealing with a hurt cynical person or B: with a blonde.

Either way she's given you the opportunity to walk away unscathed. Now and later...
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Old 01-27-2013, 11:14 PM   #5980
benham
Guru
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Everything you need for a perfect Super Bowl bash:

Beer. You should have a lot of beer, in case the game is hideously boring. Call up your guests and ask what kind they prefer. If they say “light” beer, you should tell them they are no longer invited, because you are NOT going to have light beer if you want me to show up.

Chips. This is the SUPER BOWL, baby. It demands dangerous potato chips, chips so full of harmful substances that they sometimes spontaneously burst into flames. Also, there is no need get all Martha Stewart-y and put chips into bowls. Each guest should have a bag so people don’t have to reach for the bowl, which can lead to exertion.

No vegetables. Scientists believe vegetables are the result of something called “photosynthesis.” We do not know enough about this yet to risk ruining your Super Bowl party.

A TV set. Not totally necessary, if you have enough beer.

By Dave Barry. The humorist’s 40th book, Insane City, arrives Jan. 29.
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Old 01-27-2013, 11:42 PM   #5981
Figwit
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An Arab Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his type of blood in case the need arose.

As the gentleman had a very rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so the call went out.

Finally, a Scotsman was located who had the same blood type.

The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.

The Arab sent the Scotsman, as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, diamonds & $100,000, happy that his surgery could now go ahead.

A couple of months later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery.

His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again.

After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates.

The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his previous kind gesture as he had anticipated.

He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me a BMW, diamonds & money, but you only gave me a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street."

To this the Arab replied: "Aye, laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins."
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Old 01-28-2013, 05:47 PM   #5982
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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“I lost my job as a cricket commentator for saying, ‘I don’t want to bore you with the details.’”
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Old 01-28-2013, 07:01 PM   #5983
wodin
Illiterate
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“I lost my job as a cricket commentator for saying, ‘I don’t want to bore you with the details.’”
Granted I know virtually nothing about cricket, but could someone please 'splain this?
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Old 01-29-2013, 05:24 AM   #5984
orlok
Getting back into it
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Granted I know virtually nothing about cricket, but could someone please 'splain this?
The joke is that cricket is so inherently boring/slow that the commentators have to go into minute detail about everything (including the type of cake Mrs Miggins baked and sent in) otherwise there'd be nothing to commentate about.
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Old 01-29-2013, 08:10 AM   #5985
Kumabjorn
Basculocolpic
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I've been told that a game can last three days, is that true? Isn't there also something called 20/20 cricket?
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