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Old 01-11-2013, 03:03 PM   #5911
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It’s easier to eat crow while it’s still warm.
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Old 01-12-2013, 04:33 PM   #5912
yhamm
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Things that make you go "huh."
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Old 01-12-2013, 07:27 PM   #5913
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it’s such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my wife is attractive, but I only have photographs of her.
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Old 01-12-2013, 11:18 PM   #5914
Freeshadow
temp. out of service
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Quote:
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I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it’s such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my wife is attractive, but I only have photographs of her.
It begins with calling them "my deer"
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Old 01-13-2013, 04:56 PM   #5915
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
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Old 01-14-2013, 06:42 PM   #5916
issybird
o saeclum infacetum
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Old 01-14-2013, 06:43 PM   #5917
issybird
o saeclum infacetum
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Old 01-14-2013, 07:04 PM   #5918
troll05
Harmless idiot
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The shortest and most wonderful fairy tale ever!!!


Once upon a time there was a tall, handsome prince who asked the princess to marry him..

AND SHE SAID: "NO!!!"

And he spend his life happy and went fishing and hunting and hanging around with friends and he drunk much beer and became drunk as often as he could, played golf, left his jacket hanging on the chair in the living room and had sex with doxies, neighbours and friends and farted to his heart's content and belched and had ample time to scratch his balls...


The End
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Old 01-14-2013, 09:27 PM   #5919
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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A man owned a small farm in West Texas.

The Texas Wage and Hour Department came to visit, investigating a report he was not paying proper wages to his help.

“I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,” demanded the agent.

“Well, there’s my hired hand who’s been with me for 3 years. I pay him $600 a week, plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months. I pay her $400 a week, plus free room and board. Then there’s the half-wit that works about 18 hours a day. I pay him $10 a week and buy his chewing tobacco,” replies the farmer.

“That’s the guy I want to talk to; the half-wit,” says the agent.

The farmer says, “You are talking to him.”
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Old 01-14-2013, 10:09 PM   #5920
poohbear_nc
Feliz Fowlidad!
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I nearly spit out my temporary filling!
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Old 01-14-2013, 10:17 PM   #5921
pilotbob
Grand Sorcerer
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Newton's Cradles are soooo much fun!

BOb
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Old 01-14-2013, 10:34 PM   #5922
poohbear_nc
Feliz Fowlidad!
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Newton's Cradles are soooo much fun!

BOb
A few years back, Sammy cat - while still a kitten - found my Newton's Cradle on my desk -- when I got home it was a giant knot! She must have spent hours playing with it. I spent hours unwinding it string by string .... I still have both the Cradle and the cat!
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Old 01-14-2013, 10:34 PM   #5923
Stitchawl
Opsimath
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After nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband, begin to massage her in ways he hadn't in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.

As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, ‘Honey that was wonderful. Why did you stop?'
To which he responded:
'I found the remote.'




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Old 01-14-2013, 11:31 PM   #5924
doreenjoy
01000100 01001010
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Old 01-14-2013, 11:33 PM   #5925
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