Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 391

orlok · 01-01-2013, 08:33 AM

As we go into a new year, with a chance to review our values, just think on this. Money is no object.

Especially in that sentence. It's the subject.

Fbone · 01-01-2013, 01:27 PM

I was once told that the reason we can't produce certain sounds was due to the development of our facial muscles. Once the muscles were fully grown (or matured or trained and the like) it would be very difficult even impossible to speak a foreign language like a native born person. I forgot the age when that occurs maybe early teens?

Voice artists train for many many hours with a speech coach to be successful in the entertainment field.

Fbone · 01-01-2013, 01:32 PM

I had a near death experience that has changed me forever.

The other day I went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. I tried with all my might to hang on, but was thrown off.

Just when things could not possibly get worse, my foot got caught up in the stirrup, and I fell head first to the ground. My head continued to bounce harder and harder, and the horse did not stop or even slow down.

Just as I was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager came out and unplugged it.

Thank God for heroes.

mores · 01-01-2013, 02:10 PM

He who has the last laugh thinks slowest.

James_Wilde · 01-01-2013, 02:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mores

He who has the last laugh thinks slowest.

He who laughs last has thought of a dirty meaning.

issybird · 01-01-2013, 05:26 PM

orlok · 01-02-2013, 06:17 AM

A teeny bit off colour:

Spoiler:

yvanleterrible · 01-02-2013, 09:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by orlok

A teeny bit off colour:

Spoiler:

They have a loaded semi in the garage?

MJK2111 · 01-02-2013, 12:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yvanleterrible

It's still a mystery that the international phonetics alphabet is not more in use unless it has to do with the size of the required keyboard...

It's not the size of the keyboard, it's how you use it...

badgoodDeb · 01-02-2013, 05:40 PM

I always wondered why the people in books said "see-ahh-oh" when they took their departure, when in real life I only ever heard people say "chow". Took me a long while to realize both were the same word - ciao.

Stitchawl · 01-02-2013, 07:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by badgoodDeb

I always wondered why the people in books said "see-ahh-oh" when they took their departure, when in real life I only ever heard people say "chow". Took me a long while to realize both were the same word - ciao.

Just the other day I overheard two young college students talking in the International Center. The Japanese boy said his hobby was Karate, pronouncing it Kah-rah-tay. The American boy nodded and said that he practiced Koo-rahdi, and then asked what was Kah-rah-tay?

Stitchawl

steven522 · 01-02-2013, 08:06 PM

I practice cah-rot-cayk.

Stitchawl · 01-02-2013, 08:21 PM

We now have a full nation of people singing at 'Carry-O-kee' clubs... rather than kah-rah-o-keh clubs. And most of us 'Muricans' grew up thinking people drank 'sack-ee' and killed themselves by committing 'harry-carry.' (sock-eh and hara-kiri)

Stitchawl

Fbone · 01-03-2013, 02:50 AM

A little town had a high birth rate that had attracted the attention of the sociologists at the state university.

They wrote a grant proposal; got a huge chunk of money; hired a few additional sociologists, an anthropologist, and a family planning and birth control specialist; moved to town; rented offices; set up their computers; got squared away; and began designing their questionnaires and such.

While the staff was busy getting ready for their big research effort, the project director decided to go to the local drugstore for a cup of coffee. He sat down at the counter, ordered his coffee, and while he was drinking it, he told the druggist what his purpose was in town, then asked him if he had any idea why the birth rate was so high.

“Sure,” said the druggist. “Every morning the train comes through at 5:30, blows its horn for the crossing and wakes everybody up. It seems that 5:30 is too late to go back to sleep, and it’s too early to get up.”

James_Wilde · 01-03-2013, 07:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by badgoodDeb

I always wondered why the people in books said "see-ahh-oh" when they took their departure, when in real life I only ever heard people say "chow". Took me a long while to realize both were the same word - ciao.

Do you mean that people actually write see-ahh-oh in books to mean ciao, Deb? Or am I missing something?

01-02-2013, 06:17 AM	#5857
orlok Desperation Posts: 7,216 Karma: 208692942 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Fire HD, Kobo glo	A teeny bit off colour: Spoiler: "Have you ever seen a twenty pound note all crumpled up?" asked the wife. "No," I said. She gave me a sexy little smile, reached into her cleavage and pulled out a crumpled twenty pound note. "Have you ever seen a fifty pound note all crumpled up?" she asked. "No," I said. She gave me another sexy little smile, reached into her knickers and pulled out a crumpled fifty pound note. "Now," she said, "have you ever seen 30,000 pounds all crumpled up?" "No," I said, intrigued. "Well, go and take a quick look in the garage." Last edited by orlok; 01-02-2013 at 06:20 AM.

01-02-2013, 05:40 PM	#5860
badgoodDeb Wizard Posts: 4,099 Karma: 9723167 Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Chicago outskirts Device: Palm-many, Kindle1, K3, iPad, iPhone 4	I always wondered why the people in books said "see-ahh-oh" when they took their departure, when in real life I only ever heard people say "chow". Took me a long while to realize both were the same word - ciao. __________________ -----------Found him! Wanna join the chat?

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01-01-2013, 08:33 AM	#5851
orlok Desperation Posts: 7,216 Karma: 208692942 Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: UK Device: Kindle Fire HD, Kobo glo	As we go into a new year, with a chance to review our values, just think on this. Money is no object. Especially in that sentence. It's the subject.

01-01-2013, 01:27 PM	#5852
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 4,212 Karma: 59166247 Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: NJ Device: Searching ...	I was once told that the reason we can't produce certain sounds was due to the development of our facial muscles. Once the muscles were fully grown (or matured or trained and the like) it would be very difficult even impossible to speak a foreign language like a native born person. I forgot the age when that occurs maybe early teens? Voice artists train for many many hours with a speech coach to be successful in the entertainment field.

01-01-2013, 01:32 PM	#5853
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 4,212 Karma: 59166247 Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: NJ Device: Searching ...	I had a near death experience that has changed me forever. The other day I went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. I tried with all my might to hang on, but was thrown off. Just when things could not possibly get worse, my foot got caught up in the stirrup, and I fell head first to the ground. My head continued to bounce harder and harder, and the horse did not stop or even slow down. Just as I was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager came out and unplugged it. Thank God for heroes.

01-01-2013, 02:10 PM	#5854
mores Guru Posts: 830 Karma: 77381 Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Vienna, Austria Device: iPhone	He who has the last laugh thinks slowest.

01-01-2013, 05:26 PM	#5856
issybird o saeclum infacetum Posts: 2,142 Karma: 20655324 Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: New England Device: Touch, Nook, 350, 950, Fire

01-02-2013, 08:06 PM	#5862
steven522 binomial: homo legentem Posts: 805 Karma: 15917206 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Alabama, USA Device: iriver Story HD; Archos 80 G9	I practice cah-rot-cayk.

01-02-2013, 08:21 PM	#5863
Stitchawl Opsimath Posts: 9,539 Karma: 147232771 Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand Device: Sony 505, Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350	We now have a full nation of people singing at 'Carry-O-kee' clubs... rather than kah-rah-o-keh clubs. And most of us 'Muricans' grew up thinking people drank 'sack-ee' and killed themselves by committing 'harry-carry.' (sock-eh and hara-kiri) Stitchawl

01-03-2013, 02:50 AM	#5864
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 4,212 Karma: 59166247 Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: NJ Device: Searching ...	A little town had a high birth rate that had attracted the attention of the sociologists at the state university. They wrote a grant proposal; got a huge chunk of money; hired a few additional sociologists, an anthropologist, and a family planning and birth control specialist; moved to town; rented offices; set up their computers; got squared away; and began designing their questionnaires and such. While the staff was busy getting ready for their big research effort, the project director decided to go to the local drugstore for a cup of coffee. He sat down at the counter, ordered his coffee, and while he was drinking it, he told the druggist what his purpose was in town, then asked him if he had any idea why the birth rate was so high. “Sure,” said the druggist. “Every morning the train comes through at 5:30, blows its horn for the crossing and wakes everybody up. It seems that 5:30 is too late to go back to sleep, and it’s too early to get up.”


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