Silliness Add/Read a good joke to lighten your day - Page 386

poohbear_nc · 12-13-2012, 02:42 PM

"A Cat That Went To Heaven"

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her
at the gates and said, 'You have been a good
cat all these years. Anything you want is yours
for the asking.'

The cat thought for a minute and then said 'All
my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden
floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on.'
God said, 'Say no more.' Instantly the cat had a
huge fluffy pillow.

A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident
and they all went to Heaven together. God met the
mice at the gates with the same offer that He made
to the cat. The mice said, 'Well, we have had to run
all of our lives: from cats, dogs, and even people with
brooms! If we could just have some little skate boards,
we would not have to run again.' God answered, 'It is
done.' All the mice had beautiful skate boards.

About a week later, God decided to check on the cat.
He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow.. God
gently awakened the cat and asked, 'Is everything okay?
How have you been doing? Are you happy?'

The cat replied, 'Oh, it is WONDERFUL. I have never been
so happy in my life. The pillow is so fluffy, and those little
Meals on Wheels you have been sending over are delicious!

Stitchawl · 12-13-2012, 05:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by badgoodDeb

That sounds like the most logical request to me!

I'm sorry to say, badgoodDeb, that you are NOT a fun date!
Any man in that position would not ask to check his e-mail. He'd ask to watch a football game!

Stitchawl

pilotbob · 12-13-2012, 05:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stitchawl

I'm sorry to say, badgoodDeb, that you are NOT a fun date!
Any man in that position would not ask to check his e-mail. He'd ask to watch a football game!

Stitchawl

"An ambitious engineer decided to take a vacation."

Er... not an engineer!

BOb

Format C: · 12-14-2012, 05:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pilotbob

"An ambitious engineer decided to take a vacation."

Er... not an engineer!

BOb

He'd asked for a Star Trek replica, instead...

Fbone · 12-14-2012, 06:53 PM

A beautiful female college student comes to a young professor’s office.

She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly, “I would do anything to pass this exam.”

She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. “I mean…” she whispers, “… I would do…anything!”

He returns her gaze. “Anything???”

“Yes… Anything!!!”

His voice turns to a whisper. “Would you….. study?”

74Cuda · 12-15-2012, 11:57 AM

Deaf Italian Bookkeeper

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him

Out of $10,000,000.00.

His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first

Place.

It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would not have to

Testify in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10

Million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!

The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, Where's the money?

Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The lawyer

Tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking

About". The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and

Says, "Ask him again and tell him if he doesn't answer I'll kill him!"

The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."

Guido trembles and signs back, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown

Briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house.

The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"

The lawyer replies,

"He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."

Don't you just love lawyers?

Fbone · 12-15-2012, 02:32 PM

Jennifer watched as the cashier rang up her purchases.

“Cash, check or charge?” She asked after folding the items Jennifer had bought. As she fumbled for her wallet The cashier noticed a television remote control in her purse.

“Do you always carry your TV remote?” The cashier asked.

“No,” she replied, “but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the best retaliation.”

DianNC · 12-15-2012, 02:50 PM

This photo has been around for a while, but I always drag it out this time of year because it always makes me chuckle

Fbone · 12-16-2012, 02:31 PM

A college senior took his new girlfriend to a football game.

The young couple found their seats in the crowded stadium and was watching the action when a substitute was sent into the game. As the promising young player ran onto the field to take his position, the boy pointed at him and said to his girlfriend, “Keep an eye on that fellow. I expect him to be our best man next year.”

His girlfriend snuggled closer to him and said, “That’s the strangest proposal I ever heard, but I accept!”

badgoodDeb · 12-17-2012, 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fbone

A college senior took his new girlfriend to a football game.

The young couple found their seats in the crowded stadium and was watching the action when a substitute was sent into the game. As the promising young player ran onto the field to take his position, the boy pointed at him and said to his girlfriend, “Keep an eye on that fellow. I expect him to be our best man next year.”

His girlfriend snuggled closer to him and said, “That’s the strangest proposal I ever heard, but I accept!”

Oh dear. It must be a female thing. Her answer is the way I read it too!

Fbone · 12-17-2012, 03:45 PM

One evening a man drove his secretary home after she had imbibed a little too much at an office reception. Although it was an innocent gesture, he decided not to mention it to his wife, who tended to get jealous rather easily.

The next night, the man and his wife were driving to a restaurant. Suddenly, he looked down and spotted a high-heel shoe half hidden under the passenger seat.

Not wanting to get caught, he waited until his wife was looking out her window before he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of the car.

With a sign of relief, he pulled into the restaurant parking lot. That’s when he noticed his wife squirming around in her seat.

“Honey,” she asked, “have you seen my other shoe?”

WT Sharpe · 12-17-2012, 05:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by badgoodDeb

Oh dear. It must be a female thing. Her answer is the way I read it too!

Must be my feminine side coming out then. That's the first thing I thought of as well.

Shayne Parkinson · 12-18-2012, 12:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DianNC

This photo has been around for a while, but I always drag it out this time of year because it always makes me chuckle

Someone in a much-decorated street near us has done just that this year! It certainly stands out among the crowd.

pdurrant · 12-18-2012, 04:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shayne Parkinson

Someone in a much-decorated street near us has done just that this year! It certainly stands out among the crowd.

We want a photo!

Hamlet53 · 12-18-2012, 07:39 AM

Get a good night's rest.

12-13-2012, 02:42 PM	#5776
poohbear_nc Spring Chicken! Posts: 22,703 Karma: 37020252 Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Durham, NC Device: Every Kindle Ever Made & To Be Made + KoboGlo + Kobo Aura!	"A Cat That Went To Heaven" A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said, 'You have been a good cat all these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking.' The cat thought for a minute and then said 'All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on.' God said, 'Say no more.' Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow. A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all went to Heaven together. God met the mice at the gates with the same offer that He made to the cat. The mice said, 'Well, we have had to run all of our lives: from cats, dogs, and even people with brooms! If we could just have some little skate boards, we would not have to run again.' God answered, 'It is done.' All the mice had beautiful skate boards. About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow.. God gently awakened the cat and asked, 'Is everything okay? How have you been doing? Are you happy?' The cat replied, 'Oh, it is WONDERFUL. I have never been so happy in my life. The pillow is so fluffy, and those little Meals on Wheels you have been sending over are delicious! __________________ "If possible please provide picture of Mr. Chickens new home or field. Proof that you will not eat him would help too." (Craigslist)

12-15-2012, 11:57 AM	#5781
74Cuda MaxPuppy Rules Posts: 17,796 Karma: 21024398 Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: NW Oregon Device: Kindle 3, Kindle Fire, Kindle Fire HD, Acer A200	Deaf Italian Bookkeeper A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him Out of $10,000,000.00. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first Place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would not have to Testify in court. When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 Million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is! The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, Where's the money? Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The lawyer Tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking About". The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and Says, "Ask him again and tell him if he doesn't answer I'll kill him!" The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him." Guido trembles and signs back, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown Briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house. The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?" The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger." Don't you just love lawyers? __________________ Last edited by 74Cuda; 12-15-2012 at 12:02 PM.

Thread Tools	Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Email this Page	Search this Thread: Advanced Search

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Good Day Eh!! :-)	Gedvondur	Introduce Yourself	12	07-22-2010 12:16 AM
Classic Is there a way to lighten the background?	rlsamson	Barnes & Noble NOOK	3	06-30-2010 04:56 PM
Add from the Mobile Read Library?	danwdoo	Calibre	6	05-01-2010 07:14 PM
Read-in-Microsoft-Reader 1.1.3 add-in released	Alexander Turcic	Reading and Management	2	02-20-2006 03:47 AM

12-14-2012, 06:53 PM	#5780
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 4,121 Karma: 57718685 Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: NJ Device: Searching ...	A beautiful female college student comes to a young professor’s office. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly, “I would do anything to pass this exam.” She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. “I mean…” she whispers, “… I would do…anything!” He returns her gaze. “Anything???” “Yes… Anything!!!” His voice turns to a whisper. “Would you….. study?”

12-15-2012, 02:32 PM	#5782
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 4,121 Karma: 57718685 Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: NJ Device: Searching ...	Jennifer watched as the cashier rang up her purchases. “Cash, check or charge?” She asked after folding the items Jennifer had bought. As she fumbled for her wallet The cashier noticed a television remote control in her purse. “Do you always carry your TV remote?” The cashier asked. “No,” she replied, “but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the best retaliation.”

12-15-2012, 02:50 PM	#5783
DianNC Guru Posts: 720 Karma: 4932569 Join Date: Jun 2011 Device: Nook Color, Entourage Pocket Edge, iPod Touch 5th Gen	This photo has been around for a while, but I always drag it out this time of year because it always makes me chuckle

12-16-2012, 02:31 PM	#5784
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 4,121 Karma: 57718685 Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: NJ Device: Searching ...	A college senior took his new girlfriend to a football game. The young couple found their seats in the crowded stadium and was watching the action when a substitute was sent into the game. As the promising young player ran onto the field to take his position, the boy pointed at him and said to his girlfriend, “Keep an eye on that fellow. I expect him to be our best man next year.” His girlfriend snuggled closer to him and said, “That’s the strangest proposal I ever heard, but I accept!”

12-17-2012, 03:45 PM	#5786
Fbone Is that a sandwich? Posts: 4,121 Karma: 57718685 Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: NJ Device: Searching ...	One evening a man drove his secretary home after she had imbibed a little too much at an office reception. Although it was an innocent gesture, he decided not to mention it to his wife, who tended to get jealous rather easily. The next night, the man and his wife were driving to a restaurant. Suddenly, he looked down and spotted a high-heel shoe half hidden under the passenger seat. Not wanting to get caught, he waited until his wife was looking out her window before he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of the car. With a sign of relief, he pulled into the restaurant parking lot. That’s when he noticed his wife squirming around in her seat. “Honey,” she asked, “have you seen my other shoe?”

12-18-2012, 07:39 AM	#5790
Hamlet53 American Senator Posts: 2,832 Karma: 25550144 Join Date: Mar 2009 Device: Sony 900, Nook Color (androided), Coby 10.1" Kyros Tablet	Get a good night's rest.


Advertisement Enthusiast