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Old 12-13-2012, 03:42 PM   #5776
poohbear_nc
Feliz Fowlidad!
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"A Cat That Went To Heaven"

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her
at the gates and said, 'You have been a good
cat all these years. Anything you want is yours
for the asking.'

The cat thought for a minute and then said 'All
my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden
floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on.'
God said, 'Say no more.' Instantly the cat had a
huge fluffy pillow.

A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident
and they all went to Heaven together. God met the
mice at the gates with the same offer that He made
to the cat. The mice said, 'Well, we have had to run
all of our lives: from cats, dogs, and even people with
brooms! If we could just have some little skate boards,
we would not have to run again.' God answered, 'It is
done.' All the mice had beautiful skate boards.

About a week later, God decided to check on the cat.
He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow.. God
gently awakened the cat and asked, 'Is everything okay?
How have you been doing? Are you happy?'

The cat replied, 'Oh, it is WONDERFUL. I have never been
so happy in my life. The pillow is so fluffy, and those little
Meals on Wheels you have been sending over are delicious!
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Old 12-13-2012, 06:44 PM   #5777
Stitchawl
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Originally Posted by badgoodDeb View Post
That sounds like the most logical request to me!
I'm sorry to say, badgoodDeb, that you are NOT a fun date!
Any man in that position would not ask to check his e-mail. He'd ask to watch a football game!


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Old 12-13-2012, 06:56 PM   #5778
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stitchawl View Post
I'm sorry to say, badgoodDeb, that you are NOT a fun date!
Any man in that position would not ask to check his e-mail. He'd ask to watch a football game!


Stitchawl
"An ambitious engineer decided to take a vacation."

Er... not an engineer!

BOb
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Old 12-14-2012, 06:41 AM   #5779
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"An ambitious engineer decided to take a vacation."

Er... not an engineer!

BOb
He'd asked for a Star Trek replica, instead...
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Old 12-14-2012, 07:53 PM   #5780
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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A beautiful female college student comes to a young professor’s office.

She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly, “I would do anything to pass this exam.”

She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. “I mean…” she whispers, “… I would do…anything!”

He returns her gaze. “Anything???”

“Yes… Anything!!!”

His voice turns to a whisper. “Would you….. study?”
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Old 12-15-2012, 12:57 PM   #5781
74Cuda
MaxPuppy Rules
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Deaf Italian Bookkeeper


A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him

Out of $10,000,000.00.

His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first

Place.

It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would not have to

Testify in court.


When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10

Million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!


The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, Where's the money?

Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." The lawyer

Tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking

About". The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and

Says, "Ask him again and tell him if he doesn't answer I'll kill him!"


The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."

Guido trembles and signs back, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown

Briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house.

The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"





The lawyer replies,


"He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."



Don't you just love lawyers?

Last edited by 74Cuda; 12-15-2012 at 01:02 PM.
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Old 12-15-2012, 03:32 PM   #5782
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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Jennifer watched as the cashier rang up her purchases.

“Cash, check or charge?” She asked after folding the items Jennifer had bought. As she fumbled for her wallet The cashier noticed a television remote control in her purse.

“Do you always carry your TV remote?” The cashier asked.

“No,” she replied, “but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the best retaliation.”
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Old 12-15-2012, 03:50 PM   #5783
DianNC
Banned
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This photo has been around for a while, but I always drag it out this time of year because it always makes me chuckle

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Old 12-16-2012, 03:31 PM   #5784
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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A college senior took his new girlfriend to a football game.

The young couple found their seats in the crowded stadium and was watching the action when a substitute was sent into the game. As the promising young player ran onto the field to take his position, the boy pointed at him and said to his girlfriend, “Keep an eye on that fellow. I expect him to be our best man next year.”

His girlfriend snuggled closer to him and said, “That’s the strangest proposal I ever heard, but I accept!”
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Old 12-17-2012, 02:59 PM   #5785
badgoodDeb
Wizard
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fbone View Post
A college senior took his new girlfriend to a football game.

The young couple found their seats in the crowded stadium and was watching the action when a substitute was sent into the game. As the promising young player ran onto the field to take his position, the boy pointed at him and said to his girlfriend, “Keep an eye on that fellow. I expect him to be our best man next year.”

His girlfriend snuggled closer to him and said, “That’s the strangest proposal I ever heard, but I accept!”
Oh dear. It must be a female thing. Her answer is the way I read it too!
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Old 12-17-2012, 04:45 PM   #5786
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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One evening a man drove his secretary home after she had imbibed a little too much at an office reception. Although it was an innocent gesture, he decided not to mention it to his wife, who tended to get jealous rather easily.

The next night, the man and his wife were driving to a restaurant. Suddenly, he looked down and spotted a high-heel shoe half hidden under the passenger seat.

Not wanting to get caught, he waited until his wife was looking out her window before he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of the car.

With a sign of relief, he pulled into the restaurant parking lot. That’s when he noticed his wife squirming around in her seat.

“Honey,” she asked, “have you seen my other shoe?”
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Old 12-17-2012, 06:45 PM   #5787
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Oh dear. It must be a female thing. Her answer is the way I read it too!
Must be my feminine side coming out then. That's the first thing I thought of as well.
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Old 12-18-2012, 01:48 AM   #5788
Shayne Parkinson
Author
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This photo has been around for a while, but I always drag it out this time of year because it always makes me chuckle

Someone in a much-decorated street near us has done just that this year! It certainly stands out among the crowd.

Last edited by Shayne Parkinson; 12-18-2012 at 01:54 AM.
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Old 12-18-2012, 05:54 AM   #5789
pdurrant
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Someone in a much-decorated street near us has done just that this year! It certainly stands out among the crowd.
We want a photo!
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Old 12-18-2012, 08:39 AM   #5790
Hamlet53
History of God
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Get a good night's rest.

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