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Old 10-09-2012, 03:33 AM   #5461
Stitchawl
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If your 'significant other' (wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend, etc.) ever asks,
"If I were to arrange a threesome for your birthday, which of my friends would you pick to join in?

Never give two names.



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Old 10-09-2012, 10:00 AM   #5462
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Or don't say: "you don't buy shoes without trying them on do you?"
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Old 10-09-2012, 01:42 PM   #5463
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Is that a sandwich?
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Polynesia - memory loss in parrots.
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Old 10-09-2012, 02:14 PM   #5464
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CD-ROM - Cuban liquor for diplomats.
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Old 10-09-2012, 03:24 PM   #5465
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kumabjorn View Post
CD-ROM - Cuban liquor for diplomats.
The problem is, Kumabj÷rn, you have to be Swedish to understand that 'rom' is the Swedish for 'rum'.

Well, I suppose you could be Danish or Norwegian - or even English and living in Sweden for 23 years...
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Old 10-09-2012, 03:30 PM   #5466
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stitchawl View Post
If your 'significant other' (wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend, etc.) ever asks,
"If I were to arrange a threesome for your birthday, which of my friends would you pick to join in?

Never give two names.



Stitchawl


Well, I just wasted a perfectly good mouthful of wine. And I now have to wipe it up
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Old 10-09-2012, 06:49 PM   #5467
Stitchawl
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Men have feeling too. For example, we feel hungry.


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Old 10-09-2012, 07:45 PM   #5468
Daithi
Publishers are evil!
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What do you get after playing the lute for 10 hours straight?
Minstrel cramps.

A fellow was trying to pick up a girl, but she says, "Sorry, buddy, but I'm on my menstrual cycle."
He says, "That's ok, I'll follow you on my Harley."

[Yeah, I know, feminine hygiene jokes are the lowest form of humor. Period.]

Last edited by Daithi; 10-09-2012 at 07:47 PM.
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Old 10-09-2012, 07:55 PM   #5469
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Groan!! Oh, and double groan!!
(For the first and the last. The middle didn't strike me as much)
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Old 10-09-2012, 08:00 PM   #5470
Daithi
Publishers are evil!
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My sister got pregnant when she was 16, and had a set of twins who she gave up for adoption. One of them was adopted by a family in Egypt and they named him "Ahmal." The other was adopted by a family in Mexico and they name him "Juan." When the boys were five-years-old my sister received a picture of Juan from the family that had adopted him. My sister was really happy to get the picture, but I heard her tell my mom that she wished she also had a picture of Ahmal. My mom responded, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
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Old 10-09-2012, 09:05 PM   #5471
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^nice one!
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Old 10-09-2012, 11:00 PM   #5472
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
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Old 10-10-2012, 01:12 AM   #5473
Kumabjorn
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Quote:
Originally Posted by James_Wilde View Post
The problem is, Kumabj÷rn, you have to be Swedish to understand that 'rom' is the Swedish for 'rum'.

Well, I suppose you could be Danish or Norwegian - or even English and living in Sweden for 23 years...
Didn't think about that. My apologies.
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Old 10-10-2012, 08:33 AM   #5474
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None needed methinks
Were I to place a bet I would have said native Swedish.
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Old 10-10-2012, 10:06 AM   #5475
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with TBR of 500+ !!!
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Colin was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Colin how about Tom Cruise?" "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."

So Colin and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts, "Colin! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"

Although impressed, Colin's boss is still sceptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Colin that he thinks Colin's knowing Cruise was just lucky. "No, no, just name anyone else," Colin says. "President Clinton," his boss quickly retorts.

"Yes," Colin says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington." And off they go.

At the White House, Clinton spots Colin on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Colin, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."

Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Colin, who again implores him to name anyone else. "The Pope," his boss replies.

"Sure!" says Colin. "My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time." So off they fly to Rome.

Colin and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Colin says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."

And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Colin emerges with the Pope on the balcony but by the time Colin returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss' side, Colin asks him, "What happened?"

His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who the hell's that on the balcony with Colin?"
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