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Old 09-12-2012, 11:37 AM   #136
QuantumIguana
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I feel people here in MR obsess about reading and fail to see the real value of reading. It's just a medium for transferring data/knowledge/ideas. The same can be accomplished by different means. While I thoroughly enjoy reading it's the final result of learning that I enjoy most and if I can achieve that through other means such as audio books, TV, books, or just being my ear to listen to wisdom then so be it.
No, we're not obsessing. We aren't missing anything. I'm more than willing to respect your criteria, I only ask the same in return. A videophile who liked to go to the movies might well be unhappy with someone who disliked theaters. Similarly, a reader might (I stress might) be unhappy with someone who didn't read. My experience is that those who do not read are much less likely to seek out information from other sources. There are exceptions, of course. I'll watch documentaries, but they don't they usually give the subject a surface treatment, and don't go into much depth. If I want more information, I will go to a book. I like to discuss books, and if I was married to a non-reader, this would be closed off to me.


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Here is where you get to scorn me. My values for looking for a mate was was she HOT and does she have ethical values. I don't care if we had little in common I can comprise, but with looks and ethics well there is little wiggle room there. I met my wife 25yrs ago and we've been happily together since.
I have no interest in scorning you, I'm only interested in my standards. Yours are your own business and none of mine. I know what makes me happy, and I would not presume to tell you what will make you happy, I can only assume that you are the best judge of that.
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Old 09-12-2012, 11:47 AM   #137
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No, we're not obsessing.
Granted, I don't know what OP's true intentions were in following the guy home after meeting him in a bar. So I assume the obvious.

Passing up on what was likely a one night deal - after finding the guy interesting/charming/good looking/whatever enough to follow home in the first place - because he does not read and then to lie (and what a lie to tell) in order to leave, instead of simply saying, 'I don't think this is going to work out', is not obsessing?

Please provide your definition of obsessing.
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Old 09-12-2012, 12:53 PM   #138
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Granted, I don't know what OP's true intentions were in following the guy home after meeting him in a bar. So I assume the obvious.

Passing up on what was likely a one night deal - after finding the guy interesting/charming/good looking/whatever enough to follow home in the first place - because he does not read and then to lie (and what a lie to tell) in order to leave, instead of simply saying, 'I don't think this is going to work out', is not obsessing?

Please provide your definition of obsessing.
If you're making the claim for obsession, then please provide your definition of obsession. I see no indication of obsession. But if I am going home with someone I just met in a bar, it's probably not in my mind that this could be a beginning of a relationship, thus books wouldn't matter. Wouldn't matter to me, that is. My criteria for a one-night stand do not include being a reader. I don't know what the OP had in mind. I don't know that the OP had in mind a one-night stand, some people do go home with someone they met in a bar thinking that a relationship might arise. Doesn't see the best way to start a relationship, but that's none of my business. It is not for me to judge what value someone else must put on reading. People might make an excuse to leave for any number of reasons: dirty clothes all over the place, Pokemon posters all over the walls, pizza boxes strewn about the place, etc. If someone values reading more than I do, that is no indication of obsession.On the other hand, paying too much interest in other people's relationships, now that can be obsessive.
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Old 09-12-2012, 01:41 PM   #139
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QI +1 on that.
=X= as it was pointed out, even if it's bed sheet golf just for fun, and no relationship plans involved, some of us just think that the chance a complete non-reader would be plainly too boring, that the risk isn't worth taking.
I'd personally even prefer a recognisable bookworm chick, let the look being secondary, over every majority labelled 'hottie' if I can see she's ignorant towards reading. Good sex is not a mindless activity. Somebody clearly unwilling to open her/himself for the mental depth only books can deliver is IMO most probably NOT being open minded enough to be an interesting! sexual partner.


I think that putting the OP in a nutshell would be:
"Assuming a high probability that a non-reader would be too boring to mean fun."
If that's the case I second it.
Just push ups with a boner ain't worth it.
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Old 09-12-2012, 01:51 PM   #140
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Old 09-12-2012, 02:21 PM   #141
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When we got to his place I immediately noticed that he didn't have any bookshelves, so I asked him if he read on a Kindle or Sony (the latter being the dominant choice in Sweden). He looked at me dazed: "What is that?", he asked.
I'm curious - would you have reacted differently if his reply was "Nah, I don't read much and don't like electronic gadgets." ?

It would seem to me that the real problem is less the lack of reading as the apparent ignorance.
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Old 09-12-2012, 02:35 PM   #142
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Originally Posted by QuantumIguana View Post
No, we're not obsessing. We aren't missing anything. I'm more than willing to respect your criteria, I only ask the same in return.
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Please provide your definition of obsessing.
If you're making the claim for obsession, then please provide your definition of obsession.
This whole thread is more "Tongue and Check" than philosophical. I don't think it's worth the heartburn your getting.

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Originally Posted by QuantumIguana View Post
My experience is that those who do not read are much less likely to seek out information from other sources. There are exceptions,
Therein lies the heart of my comment about obsessing. There is the ignorant belief that readers equates to an educated individual and that is simply false.

Further more the quest to knowledge is to remove bias, prejudice, and categorization. Something your post shows is clearly lacking, it's something we are all guilty of, I'm certainly no exception.

For me the human soul is beautiful I would not limit my interaction someone simply because they do not mirror my likes, or fall into my "categorization" of what is proper.
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Old 09-12-2012, 02:47 PM   #143
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Mental note : always carry book when travelling in Sweden.
Alas the OP said she noticed he didn't have bookshelves not books. A little trickery but I think you can manage.
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Old 09-12-2012, 03:11 PM   #144
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QI +1 on that.
=X= as it was pointed out, even if it's bed sheet golf just for fun, and no relationship plans involved, some of us just think that the chance a complete non-reader would be plainly too boring, that the risk isn't worth taking.
I'd personally even prefer a recognisable bookworm chick, let the look being secondary, over every majority labelled 'hottie' if I can see she's ignorant towards reading. Good sex is not a mindless activity. Somebody clearly unwilling to open her/himself for the mental depth only books can deliver is IMO most probably NOT being open minded enough to be an interesting! sexual partner.


I think that putting the OP in a nutshell would be:
"Assuming a high probability that a non-reader would be too boring to mean fun."
If that's the case I second it.
Just push ups with a boner ain't worth it.
How are you defining 'no relationship plans'?

If you are talking about potentially hanging out with someone for a few weeks and just see where the wind blows, I get it. Sort of.

If you are talking about a one night stand, you have just blown me away with your (I extrapolate) 'boring sex not worth the risk' comment.

All and all, not sure if serious.

Last edited by foghat; 09-12-2012 at 03:14 PM.
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Old 09-12-2012, 03:13 PM   #145
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Alas the OP said she noticed he didn't have bookshelves not books. A little trickery but I think you can manage.
I was actually wondering if she saw the entire place or actually asked if he read at all. Original post just notes she asked if he read on a kindle. Maybe all his books were packed away somewhere.

I have to wonder if there was more in play here than a lack of books.

Last edited by foghat; 09-12-2012 at 03:27 PM.
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Old 09-12-2012, 03:18 PM   #146
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If you're making the claim for obsession, then please provide your definition of obsession. I see no indication of obsession. But if I am going home with someone I just met in a bar, it's probably not in my mind that this could be a beginning of a relationship, thus books wouldn't matter. Wouldn't matter to me, that is. My criteria for a one-night stand do not include being a reader. I don't know what the OP had in mind. I don't know that the OP had in mind a one-night stand, some people do go home with someone they met in a bar thinking that a relationship might arise. Doesn't see the best way to start a relationship, but that's none of my business. It is not for me to judge what value someone else must put on reading. People might make an excuse to leave for any number of reasons: dirty clothes all over the place, Pokemon posters all over the walls, pizza boxes strewn about the place, etc. If someone values reading more than I do, that is no indication of obsession.On the other hand, paying too much interest in other people's relationships, now that can be obsessive.
Come on, I had a smiley face. A little tongue and cheek here.

Maybe you can't officially label some as having a book obsession just because they bail (in the manner the OP did) on a one night stand after discovering there were no bookshelves in the guys house, it sure does have a similar type of smell though.

Last edited by foghat; 09-12-2012 at 03:29 PM.
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Old 09-12-2012, 04:10 PM   #147
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Therein lies the heart of my comment about obsessing. There is the ignorant belief that readers equates to an educated individual and that is simply false.
Are you saying there is no correlation at all between reading and seeking out information? I didn't say that a reader must be educated or that a non-reader must be uneducated.

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Further more the quest to knowledge is to remove bias, prejudice, and categorization. Something your post shows is clearly lacking, it's something we are all guilty of, I'm certainly no exception.
I'm only stating that there is a correlation between seeking out information and reading, and not stating anything about any particular person.

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For me the human soul is beautiful I would not limit my interaction someone simply because they do not mirror my likes, or fall into my "categorization" of what is proper.
Are you suggesting that you have no criteria whatsoever to determine who you interact with? Do the people you associate with have no traits in common? If they do, it would seem that you do have some criteria. Are your criteria the only legitimate ones? I'm not the obsessed one here. I'm not judging the criteria anyone else uses for who they associate with. If someone enjoys hiking, and wishes to associate with fellow hikers, is that such a bad thing?
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Old 09-12-2012, 04:24 PM   #148
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The difference here, is I would have gone into the bar WITH my Kindle right then and there, and whether or not some dude reads would have been established before following him home

When I was younger and in my 20s (and single) I actually brought my knitting to a bar. It instantly weeded out those who thought knitting was idiotic and stupid and/or out of place for a bar, and attracted a guy who came to my table and had a long discussion about knitting and his interest, etc. I had a great time, he bought me a drink and we chatted.

I'm married now and haven't been "in the scene" for nearly 20 years, but some of the best times I've had have been where I've just done my portable hobbies when and where I felt like it. I've never been good at following a preliminary script before getting to the real stuff, and it shows
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Old 09-12-2012, 04:53 PM   #149
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Reader or not, one of my main criteria -

Are you willing to help me move my books.

As long as that's a given, I'll try and work it out.
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Old 09-12-2012, 05:42 PM   #150
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Mental note : always carry book when travelling in Sweden.
LOL
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