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Old 09-08-2012, 06:12 AM   #91
shanghaichica
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Deplore, not at all. If anything I feel sorry for them because they don't know what they are missing out on.
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Old 09-08-2012, 07:05 AM   #92
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Originally Posted by Namekuseijin View Post
the worst part of modern times is that some guy may just send you a link of his bookshelf in goodreads as proof that he reads a lot, but it may just be as fake as his public profile. He may also download tons of books via torrent to impress you the next time you peek at his e-reader.

at least the old days you knew the guy at least spent a few bucks to have those shelves filled...
Signalling has always been a part of human interaction (albeit great facilitated by the Internet in some cases, as you've shown). George Orwell pointed out in his essay "Bookshop Memories":

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In a lending library you see people's real tastes, not their pretended ones, and one thing that strikes you is how completely the 'classical' English novelists have dropped out of favour. It is simply useless to put Dickens, Thackeray, Jane Austen, Trollope, etc. into the ordinary lending library; nobody takes them out. At the mere sight of a nineteenth-century novel people say, 'Oh, but that's old!' and shy away immediately. Yet it is always fairly easy to sell Dickens, just as it is always easy to sell Shakespeare. Dickens is one of those authors whom people are 'always meaning to' read, and, like the Bible, he is widely known at second hand.
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Old 09-08-2012, 07:45 AM   #93
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Although I no longer seem to have the patience to watch them, I'm sure there are scripted TV shows at a high artistic level.

At the risk of sounding absurd, one thing I do think is better on my Kindle Keyboard 3G is the weather from http://cell.weather.gov/. My prejudice against television news was reinforced this morning when reading Nate Silver's plausible claims (via the Kindle New York Times Latest News Blog) that video weatherfolk have a "wet bias" and are unwilling to honestly report 50 percent chances for fear of being wishy-washy.
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Old 09-08-2012, 08:40 AM   #94
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Now we've had mating, TV and finally weather.
I hereby state this derailed into a small talk thread
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Old 09-08-2012, 09:07 AM   #95
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Originally Posted by Freeshadow View Post
Now we've had mating, TV and finally weather.
I hereby state this derailed into a small talk thread
we're still on track after all, the OP's post did relate to dating as well
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Old 09-08-2012, 11:40 AM   #96
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Originally Posted by Andrew H. View Post
You can also put up artwork on the walls...
Which has nothing to do with the point of that anecdote: Whether one decorates the walls or avoids decoration is not an indication of depth.

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What does your therapist say?
It's a cheap shot to call a fellow member of MR crazy or in need of therapy whether you're joking or not.

The thing I didn't do was to project my own early assumptions and later conclusions onto others on this thread. All I did was describe the way I thought as a kid and then admit that one of my earlier ways of thinking now seems questionable and possibly shallow.

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So there are all kinds of shallowness.
Which of course was my point -- that the presence or lack of books in someone's house is neither an indication of shallowness nor depth, but that judging someone else as a person based purely on the books in their house might actually be shallow.

Individual titles and collections might be an indication of common interests or the lack, but how fair is it to make them the last word on someone else's depth or intelligence?

The ways in which we can be shallow are myriad. The fact that none of this was an accusation or a declaration of combat might be more obvious if people looked at threads on MR as conversations as opposed to series of thrown gauntlets.

Last edited by Prestidigitweeze; 09-08-2012 at 12:01 PM.
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Old 09-08-2012, 11:59 AM   #97
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May I say this is a very well-written account.

My husband of thirty years does not read at all. It's a serious issue simply because he's not been exposed to ideas and mores, examples of triumph over adversity and all that. He gets what he gets of progress through television. I can't count how many times I've tried to tell him about a way we might respond to this catastrophe or that, based on what I've learned from reading and paying attention to others. This is utterly ignored until he sees it on TV. Then it's as if it was his idea. No, he was perfect in courting in every way expect his lack of reading. I can honestly say that if I had it to do over again I would have escaped as you wisely did.
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Old 09-08-2012, 12:55 PM   #98
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And here I was sitting, thinking "jeez you're shallow" all by myself, and then to my surprise I find a sister-in-arms. In the end it's my life and although my reasoning might not go over with others I'm perfectly comfortable with my own prejudices, without them there is little flavor in life.
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Old 09-08-2012, 02:08 PM   #99
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*cough* as I stated before you are NOT alone with this thinking, nor is it a purely female precaution.
A woman whose only lecture consists of the packages of her cosmetics would be just frightening, and a runaway reason.
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Old 09-08-2012, 02:24 PM   #100
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That was kind of my reasoning, what if the shoe was on the other foot? What if all I offered was a decent face and killer body? How long would he put up with that? My guess; Not very long. I remember seeing a meme someplace of a Playboy model with the text "Somewhere some guy thinks she is a shallow, cold hearted money grubbing bitch". If that is the case, I think I'm entitled to turn the table around.
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Old 09-08-2012, 02:29 PM   #101
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kumabjorn View Post
And here I was sitting, thinking "jeez you're shallow" all by myself, and then to my surprise I find a sister-in-arms. In the end it's my life and although my reasoning might not go over with others I'm perfectly comfortable with my own prejudices, without them there is little flavor in life.
The mistake is in asserting that a history of reading and a "killer body" (as you put it in your next post) are all anyone could ever offer. Nor does real feminism have anything to do with affirming your prejudices about non-readers. Sisterhood is powerful, but snobbery isn't sisterhood.

Nor is this thread entirely about you. Someone's consideration of whether their own prejudices are shallow is not exactly the same as their going out of their way to call you shallow.

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Old 09-08-2012, 02:47 PM   #102
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Just because I wouldn't have let the lack of books bother me so much, doesn't mean that I think you're a bad person, OP.

We all have our standards and things we look for in a potential mate, FWB, etc.

For me, it's more a sense of humor, kindness, am I attracted to him, and intelligence. There are some very intelligent people who don't read for pleasure.

Actually, you probably did the guy a kindness by not pursuing him.
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Old 09-08-2012, 03:04 PM   #103
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I think the real turn-off would be someone who scorns reading for pleasure.
I agree with this. My boyfriend is smart, but he's not a reader. However, he totally supports my reading habits and actually bought me my current kindle as a Christmas gift last year.
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Old 09-08-2012, 03:34 PM   #104
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I have friends who read and friends who don't. Probably more who don't. I am more attracted by charm,wit, engaging conversation whether intellectual or not, or sometimes just plain niceness than intellectual superiority or even common interests.

I tend to like people who laugh a lot and are open to discussion on things whether they agree or not.

I read a lot, 4-8 books a week, and it is very important to me, but I would be kind of insulted if someone judged me as worthwhile or not based on that. Some have done so and sometimes they are terribly boring people who probably find me to be just as boring.

I have had relationships with men who read and men who didn't. Can't say I ever dwelled on it or that readers were in any way smarter or sexier more likeable, more considerate, more competent, more successful, or better conversationalists than non-readers.

Helen
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Old 09-08-2012, 04:01 PM   #105
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Sense of humour, kindness etc. Yeah right; on second sight, I'll believe that. But it ain't the primary trigger. Never met a woman who told me "I couldn't help but notice how smart/funny/whatever you are" as a dialogue opener. Let's face it: the primary triggers still are the same as they were when we were in caves: the spear-throwing hunters broad shoulders @ males; and the kiddo-factory pelvis @ females. Only if one is aware of said subconscious signal effects fitering is possible.
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