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Old 07-20-2008, 07:57 PM   #61
vivaldirules
When's Doughnut Day?
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For the physicists out there (where's that zerospinboson guy, anyway?):

Two fermions walk into a bar. One orders a drink. The other says 'I'll have what he's having.'
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Old 07-20-2008, 07:58 PM   #62
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A Christian young man marries a lovely young Jewish girl. The service goes beautifully, and they leave on their honeymoon. That night, she spends a long time in the bathroom getting ready for their first night as man and wife.

She walks out of the bathroom (looking spectacular) only to see him sitting on the bed with his head in his hands, looking miserable.

She says, "Darling, what's the matter!!??"

He says, "Honey, I am so sorry. I really screwed this up. I can't tell you how miserable I am, but we can't have sex .... it's Lent!!"

And she says "To whom, and for how long??"
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Old 07-20-2008, 08:00 PM   #63
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A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

----------------------------

A man goes into a bar with a cat & a mouse and offers to give a show for free drinks. The bartender agrees and the man sits the cat at the piano ans the mouse on top of it. The cat plays and the mouse sings.

The bartender asks why he doesn't make a lot of money with the act. "I can't," he said. "It's a fraud."

"But I can see it and hear it." the bartender refutes.

"Naw." said the man. "That mouse can't sing. The cat's a ventriloquist."
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Old 07-20-2008, 08:03 PM   #64
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Originally Posted by slayda View Post
A man goes into a bar with a cat & a mouse and offers to give a show for free drinks. The bartender agrees and the man sits the cat at the piano ans the mouse on top of it. The cat plays and the mouse sings.

The bartender asks why he doesn't make a lot of money with the act. "I can't," he said. "It's a fraud."

"But I can see it and hear it." the bartender refutes.

"Naw." said the man. "That mouse can't sing. The cat's a ventriloquist."
hahahaha !!!!
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Old 07-20-2008, 08:04 PM   #65
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Q:How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?




A:None. Every light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution
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Old 07-20-2008, 08:10 PM   #66
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Two men walk into a bar. The second one should've ducked.

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil.

And the agnostic dyslexic insomniac. The poor guy stays awake all night, wondering if there really is a dog.
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Old 07-20-2008, 08:11 PM   #67
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One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dali Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment.

"Gentlemen," he began, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we're about to crash in New Jersey. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!" With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane.

Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen," he said, "I am the world's greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world's greatest athlete should have a parachute!" With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the night.

Bill Gates rose and said, "Gentlemen, I am the world's smartest man. The world needs smart men. I think the world's smartest man should have a parachute, too." He grabbed one, and out he jumped.

The Dali Lama and the hippie looked at one another. Finally, the Dali Lama spoke. "My son," he said, "I have lived a satisfying life and have known the bliss of True Enlightenment. You have your life ahead of you; you take a parachute, and I will go down with the plane."

The hippie smiled slowly and said, "Hey, don't worry, dude. The world's smartest man just jumped out wearing my backpack."
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Old 07-20-2008, 08:14 PM   #68
zelda_pinwheel
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Quote:
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Two men walk into a bar. The second one should've ducked.
nice ! the stealth duck joke !

Quote:
And the agnostic dyslexic insomniac. The poor guy stays awake all night, wondering if there really is a dog.
dyslexics of the world, untie !
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Old 07-20-2008, 08:15 PM   #69
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Oh, I so hoped someone would see the duck in my post. How little faith I had, it seems.
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Old 07-20-2008, 08:17 PM   #70
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Oh, I so hoped someone would see the duck in my post. How little faith I had, it seems.
Quack! You're the only keeping on topic. Stop it!
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Old 07-20-2008, 08:20 PM   #71
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Two men walk into a bar. The second one should've ducked.
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Old 07-20-2008, 08:22 PM   #72
vivaldirules
When's Doughnut Day?
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This duck walks into a bar, and the bartender looks at him and says, "Hey, buddy, your pants are down around your ankles!"
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Old 07-20-2008, 08:25 PM   #73
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For my favorite robot.

Why did the robot order a milkshake?
To blend in with the general human population, making it easier to infiltrate society and—in time—conquer it.
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Old 07-20-2008, 08:28 PM   #74
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For my favorite robot.

Why did the robot order a milkshake?
To blend in with the general human population, making it easier to infiltrate society and—in time—conquer it.
so true !!!


(and speaking of robots and conquerors, where is tinmouse lately ??)
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Old 07-20-2008, 08:31 PM   #75
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so true !!!


(and speaking of robots and conquerors, where is tinmouse lately ??)
Maybe reading? Sometimes I even try it.

Or maybe he and Taylor are drinking milkshakes together and Taylor is trying to distract us.
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