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Old 06-13-2012, 01:38 PM   #31
mr ploppy
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Final version (probably)...

http://i47.tinypic.com/2j195sp.jpg
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Old 06-13-2012, 02:28 PM   #32
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I think that's an improvement. It pretty much reinforces the story as described in the text. I'm still not sold on the yellow, but if it's a recognisable feature of your books, then you should stick with it.
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Old 06-13-2012, 03:02 PM   #33
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The final is much better, I agree.
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Old 06-13-2012, 03:07 PM   #34
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Blood would fit the story better.
Every time you post about your work, I think of that scene from "Superman, The Movie":

"What are writing, Miss Lane?"
"An ode to spring. How do you spell 'massacre'?"

Last edited by ApK; 06-13-2012 at 03:10 PM.
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Old 06-13-2012, 03:07 PM   #35
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I think that's an improvement. It pretty much reinforces the story as described in the text. I'm still not sold on the yellow, but if it's a recognisable feature of your books, then you should stick with it.
If the yellow is a "carryover" as orlok said, then fine.

I usually try not to critique but I really like the model and the position, boot and all. Yes he is a little neat for a skinhead, but hell a guy can spruce up for his girl, can't he? He might want to take her into a nice establishment.
It does however, like gmw said, seem to lack something more pertinent to the romantic event.

Perhaps if the the right hand or the left for that matter, had something whimsical, from the girl, say a bandana? You could try putting it, the pretty bandana, around his neck, or draped over the knee. I would at least dirty up his boot sole. Even blood. A little blood on the bandana perhaps?
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Old 06-13-2012, 03:19 PM   #36
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Perhaps if the the right hand or the left for that matter, had something whimsical, from the girl, say a bandana?
When I first read that, it was as "banana" . I think the meds have just kicked in...
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Old 06-13-2012, 04:02 PM   #37
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Pretty nice. Your author name is kind of lost at the bottom, but otherwise it conveys more of the storyline than the previous ones did and seems arranged well enough.
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Old 06-13-2012, 05:44 PM   #38
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Does this one work any better?

http://i49.tinypic.com/jpvfa0.jpg
If he's supposed to be up against the wall, it doesn't work as it clearly shows he's not touching the wall.
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Old 06-13-2012, 05:45 PM   #39
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He's a bit too purple and Photoshop looking.
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Old 06-13-2012, 05:46 PM   #40
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Final version (probably)...

http://i47.tinypic.com/2j195sp.jpg
Skin tone is still off. Looks very fake.
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Old 06-13-2012, 09:02 PM   #41
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He's a bit too purple and Photoshop looking.
Actually, it's too magenta, and its only the guy. The brick wall (separate image, layered) seems to be properly color balanced.
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Old 06-13-2012, 09:34 PM   #42
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Final version (probably)...

http://i47.tinypic.com/2j195sp.jpg
Definitely the best of what you've put up so far. I also agree with Orlok's comments about the yellow, and frahse's thoughts about the banana - I mean bandana (I'm on the same meds as Orlok apparently ).
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Old 06-14-2012, 06:23 AM   #43
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Your author name is kind of lost at the bottom,
To be honest it's only on there at all because Smashwords insists on it. Can I get some opinions on a beta-blurb as well? I know this doesn't suggest romance either, but it's a fairly accurate description of what it is about.


They wanted a romantic weekend by the sea …

They weren’t looking for a fight …

But you have to defend yourself …

Right?

A ska festival draws thousands of skinheads from across the country to the sleepy seaside town of Cleethorpes. Local residents and day-trippers look on in horror as the town is taken over by shaven-headed masses wearing boots and braces. But much to their surprise, the weekend unfolds peacefully.

That is, until a group of drunken bikers think it would be a good laugh to smash up a few scooters, thinking they must belong to mods. Revenge is swift and vicious, but the bikers have friends too. Friends who are more than eager to settle the score.
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Old 06-14-2012, 02:24 PM   #44
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To be honest it's only on there at all because Smashwords insists on it. Can I get some opinions on a beta-blurb as well? I know this doesn't suggest romance either, but it's a fairly accurate description of what it is about.


They wanted a romantic weekend by the sea …

They weren’t looking for a fight …

But you have to defend yourself …

Right?

A ska festival draws thousands of skinheads from across the country to the sleepy seaside town of Cleethorpes. Local residents and day-trippers look on in horror as the town is taken over by shaven-headed masses wearing boots and braces. But much to their surprise, the weekend unfolds peacefully.

That is, until a group of drunken bikers think it would be a good laugh to smash up a few scooters, thinking they must belong to mods. Revenge is swift and vicious, but the bikers have friends too. Friends who are more than eager to settle the score.
I am not really a writer and certainly not a author, though I am trying with a memoir still I can relate to this kind of stuff.

My version would be:

They wanted a romantic weekend by the sea …

They weren’t looking for a fight …

... but Shit Happens!

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Old 06-14-2012, 09:00 PM   #45
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To be honest it's only on there at all because Smashwords insists on it. Can I get some opinions on a beta-blurb as well? I know this doesn't suggest romance either, but it's a fairly accurate description of what it is about.[...]
It reads well to me. (Though I'm not sure that's a good sign, my marketing skills may well be into the negative.)
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