Register Guidelines E-Books Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Go Back   MobileRead Forums > Miscellaneous > Lounge

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 10-15-2011, 09:36 AM   #3856
PeterT
Taking a break; Fed up
PeterT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.PeterT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.PeterT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.PeterT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.PeterT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.PeterT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.PeterT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.PeterT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.PeterT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.PeterT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.PeterT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
PeterT's Avatar
 
Posts: 7,370
Karma: 46288753
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Toronto
Device: Wife: Touch, Arc, Vox Me: Nexus 7, Glo
How to clean your Mouse

This memo is from an unnamed computer company. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo was quite serious, the engineers rolled on the floor.

Quote:
Mouse balls are now available as FRU (field replacement units) therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement.

Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel. Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls.

Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse.
  • Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method.
  • Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method.
Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge.

Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended that each engineer have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction.

Any customer missing his balls should suspect local personnel of removing these necessary items.
PeterT is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-15-2011, 05:56 PM   #3857
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
Fbone ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Fbone ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Fbone ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Fbone ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Fbone ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Fbone ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Fbone ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Fbone ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Fbone ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Fbone ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Fbone ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
Fbone's Avatar
 
Posts: 5,487
Karma: 68936103
Join Date: Jun 2010
Device: Searching ...
I don't have a solution, but I do admire the problem.
Fbone is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-16-2011, 10:22 PM   #3858
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
Fbone ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Fbone ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Fbone ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Fbone ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Fbone ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Fbone ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Fbone ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Fbone ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Fbone ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Fbone ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Fbone ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
Fbone's Avatar
 
Posts: 5,487
Karma: 68936103
Join Date: Jun 2010
Device: Searching ...
I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
Fbone is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-16-2011, 10:40 PM   #3859
Stitchawl
Opsimath
Stitchawl ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Stitchawl ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Stitchawl ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Stitchawl ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Stitchawl ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Stitchawl ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Stitchawl ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Stitchawl ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Stitchawl ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Stitchawl ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Stitchawl ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
Stitchawl's Avatar
 
Posts: 11,779
Karma: 177376233
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand
Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy
Two blondes decided that this Christmas they wanted to cut down their own Christmas tree. So they drove two hours into the country and walked deep into the woods to find the perfect Christmas tree. They had planned the trip well, especially considering that they were blond. They were dressed warmly with boots, warm coats and hats. They had a chain saw, hatchet, a bag to protect the tree and rope to drag it back to their car. Every detail was covered.

They searched and searched. They had gone to all this trouble, nothing but the prefect tree would do. They searched for hours through knee deep snow and biting wind. Finally, five hours later with the sun beginning to go down, one blonde says to the other, "I can't take this anymore. I give up! There are hundreds of beautiful trees out here. Let's just pick one whether it's decorated or not!"


Stitchawl
Stitchawl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-16-2011, 10:49 PM   #3860
Stitchawl
Opsimath
Stitchawl ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Stitchawl ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Stitchawl ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Stitchawl ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Stitchawl ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Stitchawl ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Stitchawl ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Stitchawl ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Stitchawl ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Stitchawl ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Stitchawl ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
Stitchawl's Avatar
 
Posts: 11,779
Karma: 177376233
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand
Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy
A blonde was driving home after work and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to the repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.

Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?" The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

Her roommate rolled her eyes and said... "HEL-LOOOOOOOO ...You gotta roll up the windows!!!



Stitchawl
Stitchawl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-2011, 12:45 AM   #3861
wannabee
Media Bloke
wannabee ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.wannabee ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.wannabee ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.wannabee ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.wannabee ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.wannabee ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.wannabee ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.wannabee ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.wannabee ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.wannabee ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.wannabee ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
Posts: 2,377
Karma: 113956855
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: NSW - Australia
Device: iOS
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stitchawl View Post
.............. "HEL-LOOOOOOOO ...You gotta roll up the windows!!!
Stitchawl
That reminds me of my mother in law who when told the engine was overheating wound down the windows.
wannabee is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-2011, 12:47 AM   #3862
wannabee
Media Bloke
wannabee ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.wannabee ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.wannabee ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.wannabee ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.wannabee ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.wannabee ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.wannabee ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.wannabee ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.wannabee ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.wannabee ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.wannabee ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
Posts: 2,377
Karma: 113956855
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: NSW - Australia
Device: iOS
When asked how old he was the old man replied.
Well lets just say say I knew the Dead Sea when it was just a bit sick!
wannabee is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-2011, 01:24 AM   #3863
dreams
It's about the umbrella
dreams ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.dreams ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.dreams ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.dreams ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.dreams ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.dreams ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.dreams ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.dreams ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.dreams ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.dreams ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.dreams ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
dreams's Avatar
 
Posts: 25,119
Karma: 56218156
Join Date: Jan 2009
Device: Sony 505| K Fire | KK 3G+Wi-Fi | iPhone 3Gs |Vista 32-bit Hm Prem w/FF
Three blondes excitedly told their friends that they had seen Santa Claus.

Since it was the middle of the hottest July on record, their friends looked at each other and burst out laughing. One friend, laughing so hard he could barely speak, was finally able to ask, "And just how did you know it was Santa Claus?"

The three blondes put their hands on their hips and said, "because he waving and yelling 'HO HO HO' at us!"
dreams is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-2011, 03:42 AM   #3864
Fbone
Is that a sandwich?
Fbone ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Fbone ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Fbone ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Fbone ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Fbone ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Fbone ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Fbone ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Fbone ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Fbone ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Fbone ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Fbone ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
Fbone's Avatar
 
Posts: 5,487
Karma: 68936103
Join Date: Jun 2010
Device: Searching ...
I don't mind going nowhere, as long as it's an interesting path.
Fbone is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-2011, 09:37 AM   #3865
Stitchawl
Opsimath
Stitchawl ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Stitchawl ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Stitchawl ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Stitchawl ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Stitchawl ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Stitchawl ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Stitchawl ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Stitchawl ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Stitchawl ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Stitchawl ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Stitchawl ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
Stitchawl's Avatar
 
Posts: 11,779
Karma: 177376233
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand
Device: Sony PRS-650, iPhone 5, Kobo Glo, Sony PRS-350, iPad, Samsung Galaxy
Quote:
Originally Posted by wannabee View Post
That reminds me of my mother in law who when told the engine was overheating wound down the windows.
I had a girlfriend who wanted to take a class in 'Small Engine Repair' because I had bought an old Subaru and she thought I might need help fixing it up. She said it was because she knew it had a small engine...


Stitchawl
Stitchawl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-2011, 01:19 PM   #3866
MJK2111
FUBAR!
MJK2111 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.MJK2111 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.MJK2111 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.MJK2111 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.MJK2111 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.MJK2111 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.MJK2111 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.MJK2111 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.MJK2111 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.MJK2111 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.MJK2111 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
MJK2111's Avatar
 
Posts: 1,946
Karma: 15018767
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Woodstock, IL
Device: Kindle 3, Samsung Galaxy Note 10.1 S
Quote:
Originally Posted by PeterT View Post
This memo is from an unnamed computer company. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo was quite serious, the engineers rolled on the floor.
This allegedly came from IBM; I first received a copy in about 1985 or so...
MJK2111 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-2011, 01:59 PM   #3867
PeterT
Taking a break; Fed up
PeterT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.PeterT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.PeterT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.PeterT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.PeterT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.PeterT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.PeterT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.PeterT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.PeterT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.PeterT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.PeterT ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
PeterT's Avatar
 
Posts: 7,370
Karma: 46288753
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Toronto
Device: Wife: Touch, Arc, Vox Me: Nexus 7, Glo
Quote:
Originally Posted by MJK2111 View Post
This allegedly came from IBM; I first received a copy in about 1985 or so...
Yeppers I think one DEAD giveaway to the source is the very IBM term FRU

I also remember that joke from years ago, but felt I would just supply it as I found it.

One variant even has part numbers!
Quote:
P/N 33F8462 - Domestic Mouse Balls
P/N 33F8461 - Foreign Mouse Balls
So who wants to order a gross of balls?
PeterT is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-2011, 03:37 PM   #3868
Lycoming
Capt Chaos II
Lycoming ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Lycoming ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Lycoming ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Lycoming ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Lycoming ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Lycoming ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Lycoming ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Lycoming ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Lycoming ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Lycoming ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.Lycoming ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
Lycoming's Avatar
 
Posts: 483
Karma: 33043007
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Cornwall, UK
Device: iPad2
For those who are easily offended, look away now........



"Late again!" the third-grade teacher sternly said to little Johnny.
"It ain't my fault this time, Miss Russell. You can blame this 'un on my
Daddy. The reason I'm three hours late is my Daddy sleeps naked!"
Now, Miss Russell had taught grammar school for thirty-some-odd years.
Despite her mounting fears, she asked little Johnny what he meant by that.
Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, little Johnny
and trouble were old friends, but he always told her the truth.
"You see, Miss Russell, out at the farm we got this here low down fox. The
last few nights, he done ate six hens. Last night, when Daddy heard a
noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his shot gun and said to my Ma,
"That fox is back again... I'm a gonna git him!'' "Stay back," Daddy
whispered to all us kids!
"My Daddy was naked as a jaybird -- no boots, no pants, no shirt! To the
hen house he crawled, just like an Injun on the snoop. Then, he stuck that
double-barreled 12-gauge shot gun through the window of the coop. As he
stared into the darkness, with a fox on his mind, our old hound dog, Rip,
had done gone and woke up and comes sneaking up behind Daddy. Then, as we all looked on, plumb helpless, old Rip done went and stuck his cold nose
in my Daddy's crack!"
"Miss Russell, we all been cleanin' chickens since three o'clock this morning!"





A boy is at school and he hears the older kids talking about “pussy,” and their “B**ch.” The boy, confused by this, approaches his mother after school. “Mom, what’s a pussy?”

The mother, startled by this, thinks quick and finds the closest dictionary and opens it up to a picture of a cat and says “Son, that is a pussy.”

The son then asks “What’s a B***h?” The mother again thinking quickly opens to a picture of a dog and says “Son, this is a B**ch.”

The son walks away still confused, and sees his father watching television. The son walks up to his father and says “Dad, what’s a pussy?”

The father doesn’t want to miss the baseball game so he quickly whips out a copy of Penthouse magazine to the centerfold, grabs a marker and draws a circle around the vagina and says “Son, this is a pussy!”

The son, now starting to understand what the older boys are talking about asks “Then, what is a B**ch?”

The dad replies, “Everything outside the circle.”





OK, you can look again now.
Lycoming is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-2011, 03:48 PM   #3869
pilotbob
Grand Sorcerer
pilotbob ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pilotbob ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pilotbob ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pilotbob ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pilotbob ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pilotbob ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pilotbob ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pilotbob ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pilotbob ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pilotbob ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.pilotbob ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
pilotbob's Avatar
 
Posts: 19,634
Karma: 11390499
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Tampa, FL USA
Device: Kindle Touch
Quote:
Originally Posted by MJK2111 View Post
This allegedly came from IBM; I first received a copy in about 1985 or so...
If anyone believes for a second that was anything but written as a joke... well, 'nuff said.

BOb
pilotbob is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-2011, 04:41 PM   #3870
MJK2111
FUBAR!
MJK2111 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.MJK2111 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.MJK2111 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.MJK2111 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.MJK2111 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.MJK2111 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.MJK2111 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.MJK2111 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.MJK2111 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.MJK2111 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.MJK2111 ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
MJK2111's Avatar
 
Posts: 1,946
Karma: 15018767
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Woodstock, IL
Device: Kindle 3, Samsung Galaxy Note 10.1 S
Quote:
Originally Posted by PeterT View Post
Yeppers I think one DEAD giveaway to the source is the very IBM term FRU

I also remember that joke from years ago, but felt I would just supply it as I found it.

One variant even has part numbers!


So who wants to order a gross of balls?
If you really want to place an order, this joint has them:

http://www.acsparts.com/33F8461-desktop.html
MJK2111 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Add from the Mobile Read Library? danwdoo Calibre 8 12-03-2014 07:03 PM
Good Day Eh!! :-) Gedvondur Introduce Yourself 12 07-22-2010 01:16 AM
Classic Is there a way to lighten the background? rlsamson Barnes & Noble NOOK 3 06-30-2010 05:56 PM
Read-in-Microsoft-Reader 1.1.3 add-in released Alexander Turcic Reading and Management 2 02-20-2006 04:47 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 06:01 AM.


MobileRead.com is a privately owned, operated and funded community.