[Stitchawl]

Originally Posted by Nyssa

In seriousness, I thought that divorces were frowned upon and difficult to get in Japan.

Not difficult at all. In fact, even easier than in most US states. If there are no children or possession issues, it's a mere formality. Just a small step up from a 'city hall' type of marriage. (Go to the City Hall, fill out a form, both sign, and you're married. Not even an 'I do' said. That's what we did, followed by ice cream Sundaes at Baskin-Robbins. )

Do they still do the "promised since birth" type arrangements?

No, not any more. However, it is still important to the Japanese that the family history be 'clear.' If great-great-grandfather was a thief, that will seriously lower one's chances to marry someone from a 'good' family. One of the tasks that a marriage broker must undertake is carefully checking the family histories.

Originally Posted by ProfCrash

Surely this only applies to middle class families and above. I would imagine that this might not even really work for middle class families.

The Japanese, if asked, will tell you that everyone in Japan is Middle Class. But... if you graduated from Tokyo University, or were on a winning baseball team in the national high school tournament, you are virtually assured of getting any job you apply for, and eligible to marry anyone of your choice (providing they agree.) Japan is a very different culture.

From what I have been reading, there is growing pressure for these types of cultural pressures to change. More women want careers,

That's the 'other' Japan. Not the one that I live in. Every year I would give my students a questionnaire. Two of the questions dealt with future goals; what are your plans and how did you choose them. Each year I would have 300-450 new female students, so I figure I gave this questionnaire to about 5,000 young women.
Out of the 5,000 perhaps there were a dozen who wanted careers.
The rest wanted to work for a specific company as OL's (Office Ladies) until they married before their 25th birthday.
How they chose the specific company? It depended upon who designed that company's uniform. Some preferred Donna Karan, Ralph Lauren, or Calvin Klein. How's THAT for a way to choose which job you seek!

Overall, people are starting to realize that the system as it exists today does not work all that well and that there are pressures are unsustainable. But that could be a small sub-set of the population I am reading about.

Unfortunately, it really IS a very small sub-set of the population. There ARE career women. But the numbers are remarkably low. I use a woman doctor and dentist and lawyer, because I know that if they are still in practice, they must be damn good to survive in a virtually all-male business world! The newspapers still report of men dying from 'karoshi,' (overwork) fairly regularly, although these days their families are trying to sue the employers when it happens. The law suits make bigger news than the deaths, and usually the result is that the court finds in favor of the family out of sympathy, but awards a $1 compensation as 'it really was the husband's duty to support his employer.'

Another reason why I am thankful to be an American in the middle class. I am fortunate to be able to decide if I want to work or not. There are different pressures but I have choices that other people across the globe do not.

American and European women have it SOOOOO much better than women in most parts of the world....

Originally Posted by orlok

I'm not in contact with this particular guy anymore, so I don't know how his experience turned out in the long term. I do have a current member of staff who had an arranged marriage while he was still living in India, and after about 8 years seems very happy with life, though I've never discussed the particulars with him.

Last month I received a package from India. The contents were cushioned in a Mumbai newspaper. The pages were from the 'classified' section and were families looking for husbands or wives for their children. There must have been 5-6 full pages of classified ads.

My wife and I have been married for 18 years. It works for us. I arrived in Japan at age 40. In order to find women my age I placed an ad in an English language magazine looking to meet women between the ages of 30-50 who were well educated, liked to travel, liked international foods, would go 'adventuring' without worry, etc., etc., etc. I received over 150 responses. (That group had a higher level of career women. Actually, it's how I met my doctor. We had coffee but realized immediately that there was no attraction and parted friends.) I met (at least once) each of them for coffee or such, often 2-3 a day. That cut the list down to about 10 that I wanted to meet again (and who wanted to meet ME again.) I dated those 2-3 times which cut the list down to one. By the third date I knew I was going to marry her. And I wasn't doing this to get married. I had been a bachelor for 17 years at that point. NO intention of getting married again. But by the third date I knew I would. A year later we did get married. And as I said, that was 18 years ago.

So what happens in the case of gay men? Or is that not allowed...

According to the Japanese, the 'official position' is that there are NO gay people in Japan. Obviously there are just as many gay people in Japan as in any other country. These days more and more are coming out of the closet so the official position is going to have to change. But probably not for another 50 years.

It's only in the last 10 years or so that one could get their ears pierced for ear rings anywhere other than in a doctor's office. Or that tattoo shops stopped being illegal. Or that women could easily get birth control pills. 15 years ago abortion was the number one birth control method. Japan is a very strange culture. It's changing quickly, but it's still very, very strange.


Stitchawl