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Old 06-16-2012, 02:49 AM   #24
dadioflex
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VydorScope View Post
What would you say to ...

Jane really hated Jonny's egotistical nature...

or

"You not freaking God, no matter what you think! You <censor blah blah blah>!" yelled Jane.

Are those telling? I would guess the first is, second is not, but I think both are better then Steven's first example.
Second is fine. Although obviously it should be "Jane yelled" and anybody who thinks different should be burned at the stake, or staked at the burn as you would have it in your topsy-turvy world. Would you write "yelled she"? No, you would not. And certainly not after a dose of stake-burning. First example is heinous.

I empathise with Teh on names. Obviously I don't empathise with anyone, but saying I do is a trick I was taught to make people think I'm human. RA Salvatore, yes, said that one of his tips was to make sure readers knew who was saying what in a scene. Too often you can end up with alternating lines of dialogue and lose track of who is who in the conversation. Using names, or simply putting in a "Jane said" clarifies this and I tend to the belief that it's worth doing, even if it triggers that skipped record flaw I spoke of. In this case it's valid because it's supposed to be reminding you who is currently in charge of the dialogue. Now, at an advanced level you wouldn't need this if your character had a unique way of speaking, which brings me to another bugbear of mine. Characters who all sound the same.

I can't tell you how many world-destroying tyrants I've read who speak exactly the same as the hero who is out to destroy them or the guy who serves them coffee.
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