Thread: Book Trailer: The First Light Chronicles Omnibus
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Old 02-20-2010, 06:19 AM   #4
ASparrow
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ASparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ASparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ASparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ASparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ASparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ASparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ASparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ASparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ASparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ASparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.ASparrow ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
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One thing I would suggest is a little bit more dramatic spacing between your phrases. The sentences seem to sound a little bit rushed, and run into each other without sufficient pauses.
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