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Originally Posted by arjaybe
It happens again in the next paragraph, but again it's him thinking. If it's deliberate then at least it's consistent.
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I will try to keep a careful eye out for tense conflicts as I edit it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by arjaybe
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Graham
[...]The only thing that I did wonder was whether Gavin needed to come across as such a jerk in the opening few paragraphs.
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I may be wrong, but I feel as though Gavin's nature is part of the "spark" to the opening of the story. A more - I'd like to say "ordinary" but not sure that's accurate, so let's try - likable character would make the opening feel more sedate and may confuse the reader's reaction at the end of the story. (Or the reaction I was looking for.)
I suppose some readers may get turned off ... but I think I'll chance it as it is.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Graham
I think you're down to the line editing on this one; the structure and feel are good. Do you want to do another pass before we weigh in too heavily on line edit comments or would these be helpful now?
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I definitely want to do my own editing pass before I ask for line edit comments. There are several paragraphs in there that I know I want to smooth out.