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I have been using Calibre with the iPad ever since the 0.7.x series of Calibre came out with an iPad/iTunes driver and have certainly not had it send any books unsolicited. With default settings Calibre WILL now show what books are already on the iPad (assuming you have not disabled the calibre iPad driver) when you plug it in but that is all I have ever seen it do. I have been able to add books either via ITunes, or via Calibre and in both cases only those that I have explicitly added have ever appeared.
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