MobileRead Forums - View Single Post

Vandy · 05-19-2011, 02:25 PM

Hello, All.

I wanted to share with you a piece that was a much fun to write as it is to read.

The Lettuce Patch
by Vandy
© March 14, 2002
Revised September 19, 2006
The Write Stuff Publishing House
... a division of VAN Enterprises

It was late in the evening when I dared to venture out again. I was sure I wouldn't have a problem finding the lettuce. Nevertheless, I took great pains to cover my steps and use the shadows in an attempt to keep my whereabouts unknown.

Early in the morning, as I neared the lettuce patch, I recalled the stories told to me by the wise old dullard. "Be Ye careful on your walk," I can still hear him say, "for Ye dasn't walk alone for long..." Even now, as I search for the lettuce, I shudder over the impact his wisdom has on my psyche.

As Dawn slowing fades into the West and the Sun rises to battle the Moon, my quest finally lands me in the lettuce patch. I can see row after row of green leaf all waiting patiently for the rabbit's gentle nibble.

Slowly, I turn -- first to the left and then to the right. My mistake was not turning all the way around. As I bent down to help the rabbit, I felt a gentle tapping on my shoulder. Instantly, cold sweat poured from my pores -- my hands lost their grip and my legs their strength. With my heart in my mouth and my pulse racing, I tried to turn around but could only fall to my knees whimpering.

As I lay on the ground quivering in fear, I heard a strange sound. It was like a crunch, chew, chew, chew... What could be making this horrid sound? Was there some hideous being getting ready to have me for dinner? Slowly and with great trepidation, I looked around to find the source of the sound. In the dim light of the universe, I could just make out a gangly shape standing nonchalantly next to me. As my eyes traveled up towards the head of this loathsome creature, my eyes perceived two long appendages standing out from the top of its head.

Suddenly, one of its arms came around with a pointed object clamped in its hand. I screamed knowing my life would soon end on the point of whatever weapon it held. As I lay on the ground helpless, the creature's arm continued to its mouth until it bit off a piece of the pointed object it held.

CRUNCH! chew... chew... chew...

And then, it spoke...

"Eh, What's up, Doc?"

I fainted dead away...

Enjoy!

Regards,

05-19-2011, 02:25 PM	#1070
Vandy ...always be humble. Posts: 116 Karma: 505917 Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Fort Myers, FL USA Device: iPhone 5s, iPod Touch 3rd Gen, Kindle 3 WiFi, Kindle Fire	And now, on a lighter note... Hello, All. I wanted to share with you a piece that was a much fun to write as it is to read. The Lettuce Patch by Vandy © March 14, 2002 Revised September 19, 2006 The Write Stuff Publishing House ... a division of VAN Enterprises It was late in the evening when I dared to venture out again. I was sure I wouldn't have a problem finding the lettuce. Nevertheless, I took great pains to cover my steps and use the shadows in an attempt to keep my whereabouts unknown. Early in the morning, as I neared the lettuce patch, I recalled the stories told to me by the wise old dullard. "Be Ye careful on your walk," I can still hear him say, "for Ye dasn't walk alone for long..." Even now, as I search for the lettuce, I shudder over the impact his wisdom has on my psyche. As Dawn slowing fades into the West and the Sun rises to battle the Moon, my quest finally lands me in the lettuce patch. I can see row after row of green leaf all waiting patiently for the rabbit's gentle nibble. Slowly, I turn -- first to the left and then to the right. My mistake was not turning all the way around. As I bent down to help the rabbit, I felt a gentle tapping on my shoulder. Instantly, cold sweat poured from my pores -- my hands lost their grip and my legs their strength. With my heart in my mouth and my pulse racing, I tried to turn around but could only fall to my knees whimpering. As I lay on the ground quivering in fear, I heard a strange sound. It was like a crunch, chew, chew, chew... What could be making this horrid sound? Was there some hideous being getting ready to have me for dinner? Slowly and with great trepidation, I looked around to find the source of the sound. In the dim light of the universe, I could just make out a gangly shape standing nonchalantly next to me. As my eyes traveled up towards the head of this loathsome creature, my eyes perceived two long appendages standing out from the top of its head. Suddenly, one of its arms came around with a pointed object clamped in its hand. I screamed knowing my life would soon end on the point of whatever weapon it held. As I lay on the ground helpless, the creature's arm continued to its mouth until it bit off a piece of the pointed object it held. CRUNCH! chew... chew... chew... And then, it spoke... "Eh, What's up, Doc?" I fainted dead away... Enjoy! Regards,