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I Hate the Mall
(A rant sung to the tune of "We Three Kings")
Weary shoppers thats what we are.
Searching for a spot for the car.
Speed bump and pothole, all slots are still full
I should quit now and head for the bar!
O Mall of Horror, Mall of Dread
Shoppers shuffle like the Undead
Bah! bricks and mortar, next year I'll order
All gifts online instead!
Car is parked, we're staring aghast,
Zombie-like horde is exceedingly vast.
Last year we swore, we'd do this no more.
With luck this trip will be our last!
O Mall of Horror, Mall of Dread
Shoppers shuffle like the undead
Bah! bricks and mortar, next year I'll order
All gifts online instead!
Girding loins, we enter the fray.
Body-checking those in our way.
To ones who dare linger, we give the finger!
Cross us and we'll make you pay!
O Mall of Horror, Mall of Dread
Shoppers shuffle like the undead
Bah! bricks and mortar, next year I'll order
All gifts online instead!
Toy Department, no orderly line.
Braindead people wallow like swine!
Fingers grab me, elbows jab me,
But the "Tickle Me Elmo" is mine!
O Mall of Horror, Mall of Dread
Shoppers shuffle like the Undead
Bah! bricks and mortar, next year I'll order
All gifts online instead!
Perfume Counter - spritzed in the eyes!
Allergies start to arise!
Puffy and crying, wish I was dying,
A Scuba mask may have been wise.
O Mall of Horror, Mall of Dread
Shoppers shuffle like the Undead
Bah! bricks and mortar, next year I'll order
All gifts online instead!
The internet may indeed save me time,
Give sanity and peace so sublime.
But cause I'm Canuck, I'm out of luck
I can't get Amazon Prime.
O Mall of Horror, Mall of Dread
Shoppers shuffle like the Undead
Bah! bricks and mortar, I swear that I'll order
All gifts online instead!
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