View Single Post
Old 03-24-2012, 04:36 PM   #9
hard-boiled pat
The Night Was Moist
hard-boiled pat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.hard-boiled pat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.hard-boiled pat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.hard-boiled pat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.hard-boiled pat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.hard-boiled pat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.hard-boiled pat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.hard-boiled pat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.hard-boiled pat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.hard-boiled pat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.hard-boiled pat ought to be getting tired of karma fortunes by now.
 
hard-boiled pat's Avatar
 
Posts: 177
Karma: 1018844
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: toronto, canada
Device: kobo,kindle,supernova, playbook
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Drib View Post
I read this and enjoyed it - up to a certain extent.

I think you have a real flair for writing, what I consider to be a real talent.

The issues that took away from my enjoyment are huge and not easily fixable, except for a revisioning of the work (which you, understandably, may not wish to do, since you feel it is a finished work).


1) The hopping/time jumps were jarring. (Organizational issues.)

2) The delineation of time (hours/minutes) simply got in the way of the story, and seemed unnecessarily cumbersome.


My reactions may differ from other Readers' reactions; however, these are my reactions on a story that had some wonderful writing in it.




Thank you,
Don


Thanks for the compliment Don! And I appreciate the critique... my next book doesnt have any jumping around. I originally wrote this one with a straight-ahead timeline but i felt it took too long to get to the action, so i dropped the first part back.

Thanks again for reading it!
hard-boiled pat is offline   Reply With Quote