[Graham]

Originally Posted by arjaybe

Some good stuff to look at here.

Spoiler:

I'll work on the POV issues later. Meanwhile, I'm getting an education. Limited third person? Really? I'm also learning that I seem to like a roving POV.

If Ricky jumped in the water, she'd be dead. I thought that "massive" and "swollen" showed the power of the river, but I'll see about reinforcing it (if I can do it without overdoing it.)

I'll work on the carseat problem. Maybe all I have to do is emphasize that Ricky's in a moving van, sitting higher than the car. I'll change "leaning" to "straining."

I'll make a point that the old Volvo is slewed slightly (5 or 10 degrees should be enough) and that the rear tires are spinning as it slides over the bank.

The rain often lets up at Rainbow Summit, as the last rise before dropping down to river level. I'll emphasize that they dropped down.

No, it doesn't have to be "Ricky," but I like it.-) I'll find a way of showing that's it's a nickname for a female name.

I'll try to see why you might think she's looking in her rearview mirror and change it if necessary.

Your idea about setting up the photo better intrigues me. We'll see.

Jim

I like limited third person. :-)

http://fictionwriting.about.com/od/g.../g/limited.htm

Spoiler:

If Ricky jumped in the water, she'd be dead.

That's in the river in your head, not necessarily in the river in the story. You tell us that it is 'massive' and has a 'strong current', but while a big deep strong river may be a problem for a car it doesn't definitely become a problem for a human who can swim.

But there's your opportunity. If the current is strong, Ricky jumps in and gets swept away. Now she's watching the car going under and is completely helpless and in danger. The next thing she knows she's waking up at her parents. Wow.

You can handwave how she was found near death on the bank downstream.

Graham