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Old 08-22-2012, 04:52 PM   #3
Nancy Fulda
I write stories.
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Posts: 700
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Northern Germany
Device: kindle
>>“Sarah!” I called out as I ran to her.
>>“Mike!” she responded with glee.

Although it's very likely that two real people would respond to this situation by calling each others' names, it tends to read melodramatically, especially when coupled with one person running across the room. In this case, the cliche nature of the exchange is amplified by the repetitive sentence structure (vocal outburst followed by brief action tag).

I like Eileen's revisions, particularly because she's paired one of the name-utterances with a long descriptive sentence while matching the other one with two short, crisp sentences.

I suspect that the "nice, long hug" line is bothering you because 'nice', 'long' and 'hug' are all fairly generic terms. You might try experimenting with different adjectives. A 'lingering hug' or a 'long embrace' might convey a stronger emotional undertone.
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