[Graham]

Originally Posted by Graham

Thanks for the comments Geoff. I'll reread it with these and Jim's thoughts in mind and see if some tweaks suggest themselves to me.

I've uploaded v1.5, but this has very few changes from v1.4. I've added some conjunctions and altered some punctuation.

You only need to reread this if you want to do a detailed line edit.

Spoiler:

I mulled adding detail to the 'box' that Marie was in, but even something as simple as 'life support box', 'medical pod', or 'high-sided-bed' breaks the flow of that sentence, which is more about boxes within boxes. There probably is a way to make it clearer, but I hope it's not too much of a jar as it is.

I considered the ending again, having left it for a couple of weeks, and I'm happy with the pacing. Again, it probably is possible to improve this, but it's risky so I think it's time to move on from this one!

Graham